"There is no doubt in my mind that Zuko is completely and utterly loyal to me, but if there were any girl who would get me worried about a traitorous affair, my best friend Ty Lee is a prime candidate.

"As everyone and Ty Lee knows she and I came into Zuko's life via Azula WAIT WHY WOULDN'T TY LEE KNOW ABOUT THAT I THINK I NEED COME UP WITH SOME NEW INSULTS FOR HER who picked the two of us out as her preferred playmates and sycophants and as a result we spent a lot of time in the Royal Palace playing games like 'Hide and Explode' GUESS WHO GOT TO DO THE EXPLODING and 'Electric Twister' WHICH FIRE LORD OZAI HIMSELF INVENTED FOR US and 'Light Mai's Hair on Fire' ONE OF AZULA'S FAVORITES when we weren't learning how to become the greatest warriors ever to challenge an Avatar. I was never particularly enthusiastic about this kind lifestyle BUT THEN I'M NOT PARTICULARLY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT ANYTHING BESIDES SNARKING even though I appreciated the fact that it kept things from getting too boring but Ty Lee actually came to like spending her days frolicking through the Royal Palace and getting into all kinds of mischief but that probably resulted from all the time she spent screwing up her blood flow by standing on her head ALTHOUGH IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T DO HER FIGURE'S DEVELOPMENT ANY DAMAGE or maybe something about witnessing new atrocities every day appealed to her short attention span. It seems that Ty Lee is just one of those people WHO UTTERLY DISGUST ME who can figure out a way to enjoy any situation no matter how bad or how terrified she is which made her the perfect comrade for the Princess Azula IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WINK WINK and also made her quite the noticeable little personality whenever Zuko would deign to join us in the so-called fun.

"As a child Prince Zuko was no where near as mentally and emotionally damaged as he was in his more social teenage years but even so he had an unhealthy level of attachment to his mother WHO I NOTICED DID NOTHING TO DISCOURAGE SUCH A FRAGILE SATE OF AFFAIRS and as such never got out of the palace and made any friends for himself. So whenever he got tired of feeding rabid turtleducks and drinking tea until he burst POOR BABY SUCH ROUGH ACTIVITIES REQUIRE A LOT OF ENDURANCE OR AT LEAST THEY DID WITH ZUKO he had no choice but to join his sister AND HER FRIENDS for some mean-spirited playtime. Of course my own cute CHOKE romantic interest in the young prince is very well documented at this point NOT THAT ANYONE ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY WITH EVERYONE AND TY LEE KNOWING OOPS I SAID IT AGAIN but Ty Lee's own feelings for Zuko are a big mystery that has inspired a strangely high level of interest and speculation. Ty Lee was smart enough to discern my crush on Zuko NOT THAT I DID A VERY GOOD JOB OF HIDING IT I'M SO PALE ANY BLUSHING LIGHTS ME UP LIKE A LANTERN but she certainly wasn't particularly nice about it since she took enough pleasure in helping Azula to humiliate me over it and if I was a more suspicious type BUT TO BE SUSPICIOUS I WOULD FIRST HAVE TO CARE I would probably interpret her actions as being born of some kind of jealousy but thankfully Zuko got shipped off to war after his father became concerned for his career prospects and so Zuko never got the chance to notice girls while Ty Lee was around and he was spared the common hormonal reaction to her questionable wardrobe choices and completely over-the-top curving.

"None of us would meet up with Zuko again until Azula was tasked with arresting him for being an ineffective loser and she in turn sought out Ty Lee and I to take care of her laundry because Azula was never very good at that type of domestic thing THE SAFEST BET IS TO BLAME IT ON HER MOTHER OR MAYBE HER FATHER TOO IF YOU GO FOR THAT TYPE OF THING and to tell the truth Ty Lee and I didn't know much about washing clothes either but at least Ty Lee would do whatever she was told to the best of her abilities and it helps that the only color we wear is red anyway. In any event there was an interesting conversation after Azula picked me up in Omashu OOPS I MEAN NEW OZAI OR IS IT OMASHU AGAIN MAYBE THAT'S WHY ALL MY LETTERS ARE BEING RETURNED and Ty Lee noted that it would be 'interesting' to get an eyeful of a more matured Zuko and I just smiled at the time because come on how could the mental image that goes with 'matured Zuko' not make any living female grin a little but now that I think about it that could have been more of Ty Lee's jealous teasing again ASSUMING OF COURSE THAT THERE WAS PREVIOUS JEALOUS TEASING AND I'M NOT SAYING THERE IS BUT THERE'S A LOT OF CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE BUILDING UP ISN'T THERE or maybe she was delivering a subtle threat that she was going to make a move on Zuko when we found him WHAT AM I SAYING TY LEE CAN'T EVEN SPELL 'SUBTLE' but nothing came of it because the Waterbender Katara and Azula herself both had places in line ahead of us and when it came down to it Zuko is unquestionably loyal to me as I've noted countless times before with absolute conviction. A prime example of this is that time after all the chasing THE FIRST ROUND OF CHASING NOT THE SECOND TIME IN ALCATRAZ when we all went to the beach and Ty Lee was running around in outfits that made even more of a vulgar display of her figure than usual and cooing to Zuko about how she 'knew' him and understood his pain and all those sweet nothings boys like to hear but Zuko wasn't falling for any of it and he called her out on being an easy airhead HEY MAYBE SHE'S THE AVATAR'S SECRET LOVE CHILD GET BECAUSE SHE’S AN ‘AIR’-HEAD because he truly loves me even though I was mad at him at the time but he knew I would still make him bleed if he so much as whistled at another girl and that's why I play with knives and it's worked out wonderfully.

"Waterbenders, crazy sisters, dirty peasants, flighty acrobats... four up, four down. It's like knifing turtleducks in a barrel."