Alice..

why do i still say Alice?... start again

Dear Bella... *who was i kidding.. not myself.*

now im starting to talk to myself, . If im going to do this, i should make it a diary.no. i hope no-one ever reads this... they will think im crazy.. but arent anyway, according to jessica and her new cult...
Anyway. Today started to the sound of rain, like it always did, ever since you's left.The sound makes me restless,like it did when i first came here. i had a bad dream. you were in it. It so depressing,, not like i cant tell the difference anymore.
Jake kissed me today. i couldnt back out, i diddnt to want to hurt his feelings, and not that i had a choice what with his height and strength, he is like a mutant. he is warm, and fierce, like he was scared that he loosened me for one minute i would stop. He saw right throught me sometimes. Perhaps i was the open book, like i told once.
I dont know if can or want that sort of relationship with jacob, not yet, its too early.. But jacob really wants to. What do i say to him without hurting my sun.
Jacob is young. It was his nis new car which is now in his garage, in progress, him doing most of the work, what with my luck, .It red and small voltswagen rabbit, and faster then my old truck. Which jake is grateful for.
i dont know if going over to his house again would give him the wrong ideas, but how could i not, he was the only thing that numbed the hole in my chest. I had to be selfish right??
Alice, if only you were here. i need you. pfft.
i miss you. i hurts to live without you.
love bella.