SATEN TWIST: (short tempered, recovering alcoholic, anti hero)

SCENE 1:

Saten: *drunkily* H Hey Applejack
AppleJack: Are ya drunk or something?
Saten: *dizzily* No I'm no- A little
AppleJack: *giggles* Y'all really need some sort of intervention. Ah mean this is the third time this week.
(Suddenly Saten Twist squeeze hugged her, even though it was clear Applejack wasn't completely comfortable with it.)
Saten: I I love you Applejack. Let's grow old together in everyway. (demonic voice) EVERY-WAY!
AppleJack *trying to push him off her*: Yeah.. About that.. Look. We only been on 'one' date. It didn't even end well,. But since then. Ya showed up at my house four times.. Uninvited.
Saten: Yeah.. So?
AppleJack: Look. Ah don't wanna seem like a mean girl, but. As ah told ya one hundred times before.. We're not a couple. So stop acting like we are.
Saten: *dumbly* I I don't understand?

SCENE 2:

Trixie: Thanks for taking me for lunch. Never been to this place.
Saten: Hey. Your a good friend.
Trixie: Thanks. So are you.
Saten: Is it true you took down a Ursa Major?
Trixie: No.. I just said that for popularity.
Saten Twist: Ohh... (gets angrier) Well your just a big fuckin lier aren't you!
Trixie: (nervously stands up)
Saten: (threateningly points one of the knives) SIT DOWN!

SCENE 3:

Saten: Hey. Nice perfamance.
SweetieBelle: Really!?. Everyone only cares about the stupid dresses. *sudden anger* This always happens! Rarity always outshines me.
Saten: Hey. Siblings do that.. In fact.. When I was your age. I won a ribbin at a science fair, my project was called "do Lima beans nurture under classical music". But my unimpressed mother simply just pointed out that it was a rip off of my older brother's project "do Lima beans grow better in rock and roll". And well.. I ended up losing the ribbon and it was given to my stinkin brother.
2 HOURS LATER
Saten: *now angrier* First off, the projects were completely differenty. I was showing the classic music 'nurtures' Lima beans. But my stupid mother didn't lesson.. If your like to see the relationship between nurturing and growth, I'd like to point out that my brother is EIGHT INCHES TALLER THAN ME!
Saten: ... Anyway. I hope that helpe- (sees that Sweetie Belle must of ran off quite some time ago)

SCENE 4:

INSIDE A LOCAL BREWERY:
Saten: Fired!? Why am I fired!?
Boss pony: Cause you only been here a week, and you keep getting drunk on the samples.
Saten: Okay. Not gonna lie.. I 'might' be an acholalic.
Boss pony: *sarcastically* yeaaaah.. Kinda got that. Thanks for clarifying though.

SCENE 5:

Grape: I have to admit.. Derpy is a lot less attractive in person.
Saten: Oh. Is that so?
Grape: Yeah.. But baggers can't be choosers.
Saten: (fake laugh) good one... May I see your pen?
Grape: Uhh., Sure (gives him a pen from his pocket)
Saten: Thanks.. Now. What was that about Derpy?
Grape: That, she's kinda uglier in person.
Saten: I see... (suddenly, and aggressively, stabs the pen into GoldenGrapes leg, much to his intense pain)
Grape: What the fu-
Saten: (sadistically) HOW UGLY IS SHE NOW!?

SCENE 6:

Saten: I found you a present!
Twilight: What kinda prese- OH MY GOD!
Saten: *holding live snake* I found her outside. *gives the snake to Twilight. Cause he is too drunk to see her fear of it*

SCENE 7:

Twi: It's just.. You don't always seem to have everyone's best interest at heart.
Saten: Everyone's best interest.. Dude! I am a man of dignity!.. (smokes a large glass bong full of marijuana)

SCENE 8:

Saten: I'm Saten Twist.. And your prettier in person.
Luna: Well.. Thank you. But please don't get to close, you have bad breath. And a creepy look to you.
Saten: Well.. You could of just as easily thanked me for saving your 'royal a-
Celestia and Twilight: (desperately tries to change the subject)
Saten: (still to Luna) Bitch!

SCENE 9:

AJ: Look sugercube.. I'm sorry.. But Ah need ta move on towards bigger, better, things.
Saten: ... Like meth?
AJ: (annoyed) No. Not like me-
Saten: Want some?
AJ: No ah don't wan- WHY DO YA HAVE METH!?
Saten: Relax. I don't use it. I only sell it..

SCENE 10:

Saten: (points at Trenderhoof while talking to AJ) I hear that nerd has a crush on you,
AJ: No need I be jealous.
Saten: Me. Jealous, no way.
AJ: Good because ah have enough to worry abou-
Saten: (to trenderhoof) I'LL KILL YOU!

SCENE 11:

Saten: ... A, Anyway. What you say cutie? Wanna be my girlfriend?
Trixie: ... Fine., but on two conditions.
Saten: Only two?.. That's 'already' better then AppleJack.
Trixie: One.. I am traveling a lot. And it dosen't look I'll be in Ponyville for quite some time.. So your have to call me everyday.
Saten: Sure. I can do that, no problem.
Trixie: Two.. You let me work on your jealousy.
Saten: What are you talking about? I never have jealousy..
Stallion: Hey Trixie, nice sho-
Saten: (angrily punches the stallion out cold) SHE'S MINNNE!

SCENE 12:

Waiter: Here are your napkins. (Gives them napkins)
Saten: (notices Trixie has 2 extra ones)
Saten: (sudden anger) Hey! Why dose she get more!?... ARE YOU HITTING ON HER!?
Waiter: Wha-
Saten: (pounds table) I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
Waiter: (runs off in fear)
Trixie: (sighs) Honey, I thought we talked about your jealously?
Saten: I'm trying., but I don't want to end like my father after h-

Waiter 2: (hands Trixie water) Here's your wat-
Saten: (leaps onto him and starts attacking him).
SOON AFTER:
Saten: (is literary thrown out of the restaurant).

SCENE 13:

Therapist: Uhh... Let's just skip into it.. She says you hate your dad.. How is he anyway?
Saten: Dead
Therapist: ... And your mother?
Saten: Killed him
Therapist: ... Wanna talk about that?
Saten; Just did

SCENE 14:

Derpy: Fine. Whatever. Just as long as nobody makes fun of.
Saten: Relax. No one is gonna make fun of yo-
Reggie: Hey! Nice eyes Derpy.. Makes you look even stupider then before..
Derpy: *whimpers*
Saten: Hey.. Screw off Reggie. Nobody likes you.
Reggie: Screw off.. But I only just started.. (containues making fun of Derpy).
Saten: Whatever.. I'm just trying to put this knife away (shows a bread knife).
Derpy: It goes in the kitchen silly (chuckles)
Saten: Thank yo- (suddenly the famish rainboom happened, and it shook the ground causing Saten to loose his balance and unintentionally stab Reggie in the head, instantly killing him)
Derpy: (turning away from window) Hey cuz did you se- OH MY GOD!
Saten: I'm sorry!
Derpy: Is that Reggie!? DID YOU STAB REGGIE!?
Saten: It was an accident!
Derpy: How can it be an accident!?
Saten: I'M SOR-

SCENE 15:

Saten: So, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chillies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.
Trixie: ... I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for hearts and hoove's Day?
Saten: ... Oh, you caught that, did you?

SCENE 16:

Trixie: *comes over and finds him*
Bartender: *sees her* Oh wow. She's she's a hottie.. I'm gonna stalk her later.
Saten: ... Are you a woman?
Bartender: No.
Saten: Good *punches out the bartender*

-------------------------------------------------------------------

MASTER SWORD: (Slightly insane, but good hearted, anti hero)

SCENE 1

Saten: *laughs* I can't wait to tell my friends!
Master Sword: For the last time! I'm not your friend!.. I never even met you.
Saten: Sure we are. You invited me to your birthday.
Master Sword: No. You 'showed up' at my birthday.. I don't even know how you found my house.
Saten: Yeah. Yeah.. So you coming to mine?
Master Sword: No I... Fine.

SCENE 2:

Master Sword: *calling out* Don't dieeee!

SCENE 3:

Master sword (as an interviewer): Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.
Twilight: Sure.
Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?
Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.
Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?
Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.
Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.
Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.
Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!
Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*
Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?
Twilight: *still reading off them*
Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady!?
Twilight: .. Dedication.
Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?

SCENE 4:

Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.
Sword: Wha-
Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.
Derpy: (laughs) you did?..
Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*
Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (to Saten) Tell her what you did a the other day.
Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.
Sword: (angrily) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!
Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.
Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.
Saten: Oh! Differently (they highfive)
Sword: (arrogantly) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?
Satan: No-
Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.
Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.
Sword: Good enough. *leaves*
Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.
Derpy: Fine.
Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with poop thing..

SCENE 6:

Saten: (a year or two ago) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?
Mare: Wait though there (points at Master Swords office)
Saten: (starting going in).
Master Sword: (hiding behind wall) Come on. Come on.
Saten: (walks in) Excuse me I-
Sword: (tackles him and start violently beating him up)... (stops).. Sorry. (pants). I thought you were the mafia.
Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.
Sword: Who?
Saten: I've been asked to interview you.
Sword: Interview!?. (eyes narrow) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance).

SCENE 7:

Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?
Sword: (there with Fluttershy) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view).
Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?
Sword: I know my way around a jo- (starts getting beat up again).
Pony: For god sakes! Have some humility! It'll save your life!

SCENE 8:

Twilight: (sleeping soundly).. (she is suddenly awaken by a loud gunshot) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? (runs done stairs, and suddenly gasps)..
Master Sword: (holding pistol, and Santa Clause is seen laying dead from a bullet though his head).. (groans). Before you start.
Twilight: Jesus christ!
Master Sword: (annoyedly) Okay! Before, you, start!
Twilight: HOLLY SHIT!
Master Sword: (annoyed) You gonna let me explain!?
Twilight: (angry) Yes Sword! I would love to know why you shot and killed, FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Master Sword: ... He startled me!
Twilight: (annoyed) HE STARTLED YOU!?
Master Sword: He! Startled me!
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, guess he should apologize than!
Master Sword: Well. That'll be kinda hard, cause.. I shot him..
Twilight: Great... So what now.
Master Sword: Well. Looks like I better save Christmas..
Twilight: You can't be serious!?
Master Sword: I don't see any other opinion..
Twilight: ... You planned this, didn't you!?
Master sword: Whaaaaat!? No!
Twilight: You planned this! I know you did!
Master Sword: You honestly think I wou-
Spike: (comes out, in elf costume) Hey Sword. The sled is ready, an. (sees twilight). Uh oh..
(long pause).
Master Sword: You would not believe how cheap that elf costume was!
Twilight: (starts growling)
Master Sword: (happily) I stole it.
Twilight: SWOOO-
Master Sword: LET ME HAVE MY NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOMENT!

SCENE 9:

Saten finally took a train back to Ponyville.
Loud police voice: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE! (Saten freaks out and hides on the ground surrendering) I'LL SHOOT YOUR LEGS OFF!
Master Sword: (comes into view, driving police car). Hahaha! Gotcha.. Naw, it's just me.
Saten: Sword? You scared th- Oh shit, did you steal cop car!?.. That's crazy!
Master Sword: No, what's crazy. Is leaving it unintended, anyone cold of stole it.. Prove.. I did!

SCENE 10:

The cops from pony mov: FREEEEZE!
Saten: Oh shit! We're so dead!
Master Sword: Leave it to me... (To the pony mov cops), it's alright!.. We're cops!
(Long silence
Sword and Saten are suddenly thrown into a jail cell.
Master Sword: Damn it! I was so so sure that was gonna work!

SCENE 11:

Master Sword: See, told you my friend will get us out.
Saten: I guess... He creeps me out though.. He kept asking for an dirty picture of Twilight..
Master Sword: Oh yeah. Same way I have one for your Derpy
Saten: (angrily) WHAT!?
Master Sword: Yeah, have it over my wall-
Saten: (punches Sword in the face).
Master Sword: (holding his bloody nose) still worth it!

SCENE 12:

Derpy: I really messed up on those invitations! I feel just awful!
Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!
Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!
Derpy: Is it possible were having two different conversations?
Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!

SCENE 13:

Dr. Hooves: What's in it for me?
Master Sword: How about the glory of me not breaking your arm for your earlier statement.
Dr. Hooves: All I said was she looks a bit slu-
Master Sword: (holds Hoove's arm painfully).
Dr. Hooves: OKAY! OKAY!
Master Sword: (releases).
Dr. Hooves: Shit! That's like some red army shit!
Master Sword: Not really, my dad used it on my second sister.
Dr. Hooves: But you don't have a second sister?
Master Sword: Exactly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

DERPY: (Saten's tomboy and loving cousin., who sometimes takes weed).

SCENE 1:

Filly Derpy: *jumping on bed, but her eyes seen as normal and she dosen't have her cutie mark*
Filly Saten: Hey Derp. Quite that already, your gonna hurt yourself.
Filly Derpy: *subbornly* Shut up! Your not the boss of me.. *bangs her head on the roof, making her have the cross eyed disign*
Filly Saten: My god, your okay!?
Filly Derpy: *calmly and unaware of her new look* Sure, why do you ask?

SCENE 2:

Derpy: Yeah.. By the way would you watch Dinky for me?
Saten: Well. I'm busy, but I'm sure I ca-
Derpy; Great! *gives him Dinky and flies out one of the windows*
Saten: Find.. Someone else.. *groans*

SCENE 3:

Rainbow: Yeah. Well.. Least I never got my name and voice changed.
Derpy: *gasps* You swore you'd never speak of that!
Rainbow: Sure. Whatever you say, Ditzy..

SCENE 4:

Derpy: Ahh., here we are at last.. Grand Gollaping Galla.. It's so beauitfu- *bangs into someone*
Aqua: *rudely* Hey. Watch where your going lady.
Derpy: Don't have to be mea-
Aqua: *rudely* Just leave me alone! *leaves*
Derpy: *eyes narrow*
Derpy: *Sudden happiness* This place just gets better and better.

SCENE 5:

Saten: (pulls over the bully to Derpy) Now., apologize.
Pony: Okay.. I'm sorry your she's an idiot.
Saten: Hey!.. I'm gonna ask nicely. That you so my lovely cousin a little repect.
Pony: Your cousin.. Man. Your family must be so proud have so such smart ponies.
Saten: fuck you man.. This is your last warning.
Derpy: (somewhat annoyed) Cousin.. Just hit him already.
Saten: (evil grin, and grabs a pole like object) Anything for you sweetie.. (violently smashes the ponies face in, knocking out a few teeth)
Derpy: Much better..

SCENE 6:

Derpy: (anxiously pacing) Oh.. What if they find us!? I'm too cute for jail!
Saten: Relax.. Go home and put Marijuana into some of your muffins.
Derpy: That's just it.. That's usually how I would handle this type of situation. But.. I'm just too frightened.

SCENE 7:

Derpy: This works out for the best. I was tired of my stupid, dead end job.
CUTAWAY:
Derpy: (literary hammering a dead end road sign) THIS JOB SUCKS!
END CUTAWAY:

SCENE 8:

Stallion: Hey. Can you idiots keep it down!
Saten: Hey. No need for that.
Stallion: Just shut up. Just go back to talking to the crossed eyed freak over there.
Saten: *angrily* Before I knock out every single one of your teeth.. I'm gonna give you a final chance to apologize for that remark.
Stallion: I NEVER apologize for the tru- (gets violently punched in the face, but surprisingly by Derpy instead of Saten).
Stallion: You aggressive woman! (runs off crying like baby).
Derpy: Wimp!
Saten: Wow... I am so proud of you wait now.

SCENE 9:

Saten and Derpy are seen sharing a weed joint, as only 'one' was able to be sneaked aboard.
Derpy: (stoned) I.. I'm telling you. T The only reason we die.. I Is because we except it as an inevitability.
Saten: ... (stoned laugh and points at the joint) This shit is AWESOME! (they both laugh, and high five).

SCENE 10:

Pinkie: Oh that.. That's Applejack.
Saten: She's.. Beauitful.
Derpy: Really? Not really something I'd look twice at. (looks at AJ again), No wait, never mind..

SCENE 11:

Everyone was enjoying the party except Saten who didn't come as he was still depressed from AJ having dumped him. And Derpy, being very protective of him and mad at AppleJack for upsetting him, tricked the western pony into having one of Derpy's 'special' muffins.
AJ: (eating it quickly) this is delicious. What's in it?
Derpy: Oh you know. Dough. Blueberries.. Bit of pot.
AJ: (nervously) What was that last part!?
Derpy: ... Raisins.
AJ: THAT'S NOT WHAT YA SAID!!
Derpy: Yeah.. By the way would you watch Dinky for me?
Saten: Well. I'm busy, but I'm sure I ca-
Derpy; Great! *gives him Dinky and flies out one of the windows*
Saten: Find.. Someone else.. *groans*

SCENE 12:

Saten: Derpy I need to your opinion about something?
Derpy: I was gonna tell you the same thing.
If I don't do something about this wrong day mishap, I'm not sure if Cranky Danky will ever forgive me.
Saten: (not listening) Trixie wants me to try being a better boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do.
Derpy: (also not listening) Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Saten: Maybe I should ask AppleJack for advice. She always tried making me a better boyfriend, but I wasn't listening at the time.. Classic me.
Derpy: I offered Danky a refund but it didn't help too much.
Saten: Perhaps I should bring an notepad. List the things AppleJack will say..
Derpy: You know what? I'll probably end up making a list of ways to fix this.
Saten: I'm glad we talked.
Derpy: I'm always here for you cousin.
Saten: Me too.
(they both get up and leave in different directions).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

BEST OF TRIXIE: (Saten's current girlfriend, and one of the few that actually understands him).

SCENE 1:

Trixie: I'm glad your finally over AppleJack.. Who needs her anyway. She didn't understand you.. You need someone who dose understand you.. Someone who you knew your entire life.
Saten: You mean Derpy?
Trixie: Well.. Sure.. Derpy.. But I meant some else who knew you for your entire life. And she always had a thing for you.. Who knows.. She might be sitting wait in front of you.
Saten: (oblivious) I honestly have no idea what your going on about Trixie. But your voice is soothing, and strangely I feel better.. (happily) Thanks, you always such a great friend.
Trixie: (sighs) Sure... Friend.
Saten: (gets up) Anyway. I gotta go.. Sorry again for trying to kill you, last time we were here.
Trixie: (shrugs) You were drunk.
Saten: If it makes you feel better. I'm really trying to cut back on alcohol.
Trixie: I sincerely doubt that.. But if you say.
Saten: (leaves).
Trixie: (sighs) Guess Trixie's paying again..

SCENE 2:

Saten: (flies over) Trixie, wait!.. Don't leave without saying good bye.
Trixie: Sorry.. I thought you were still mad at me.. I mean, I tried to kick Twilight out of town and then tried to do the same to you..
Saten: Yeah. About that.. Why me? Why were you so mad at me!?
Trixie: Ohh, I don't know.. Maybe it's the fact that you were the only one in high school that EVER cared for me.. That you meant the world to me.. That I LOVED you!.. But you never loved me back!.. Instead, you fallen for some unattractive Southern girl, instead of me!.. That I finally had enough of waiting for the day that you might finally come to your senses and realize who you should of been with!..
Saten: So... You don't like AppleJac-
Trixie: YES, I DON'T LIKE APPLEJACK!

SCENE 3:

Saten: I'm sorry., but I'm kinda broke these days..
Trixie: Oh., I have lots of spare money.
Saten: No, no.. I couldn't possibly take my girlfriends money like that.
Trixie: (playfully) but your fine with stealing her fries
Saten: Just the curly ones you don't like..
Trixie: No.. I love them, and save them for last, but their gone, cause you ate them..

SCENE 4:

Trixie: Kinda makes me glad MY childhood was so good..
AJ: (suspicious) Really?.. Tell me about it?
(several minutes later)
Trixie: (sobbing uncontrollably) I know my father wanted a boy!.. And he even called me slugger until I got to the age of developing as a woman.. And then he just STOPPED playing catch with me!.. And I wasn't slugger anymore.. (Blows nose).
AJ: (sitting, lessoning) Ah see.
Trixie: (still crying) And mom could of just said "Jack, she's a girl, get over it".. But she didn't! Not one word, the whole time! (cries into her own soft hooves).

SCENE 5:

Trixie: Sorry the doctor couldn't help you..
Saten: Well.. I didn't have much faith in him.. I'm quite use to being unloved..
Trixie: That's not true.. I will 'always' love you Saten.
Saten: I know.. And thank you.

SCENE 6:

Saten: ... Well, I... I went to your show.
Trixie: Yes, and you beaten up my manager just for telling me I did a good job.