Nostalgia: Hello, I’m the…Nostalgia Critic. (pauses) I remember it so you don’t have to. And… (He looks up to scan the entire group before lowering his head again in a bit of shame and speak quickly) I kinda like “Spider-Man 3.”
(All the people in the group shout in outrage, and one male gets on a table to pound on it in rage),
Nostalgia: I do!
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#2:
Nostalgia Critic: So the old wins in this situation. Does that mean I don't like "The Dark Knight"? Not at all. I just like "Batman" a little more. And, uh, my only hope is that Christian Bale doesn't take what I said about him too seriously— [The Critic's cell phone rings] 'Scuse me. [Opens and answers it] Hello?
Christian Bale: [Utilizing audio from his infamous rant] What the fuck are you DOING?!
Nostalgia Critic: I'm sorry, man, I just thought—
Christian Bale: No, don't just be sorry. THINK for one fuckin' second!
Nostalgia Critic: Well that's not very nice.
Christian Bale: What the fuck is it with you? Are you professional or not?
Nostalgia Critic: Well, I don't like to brag, but—
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake, man, you're amateur!
Nostalgia Critic: Look, I don't know why you're getting so angry—
Christian Bale: No, shut the fuck up!
Nostalgia Critic: Maybe I could, uh—
Christian Bale: No! NO!! I wanna fuckin' kick your fuckin' ass!
Nostalgia Critic: Why are you so angry? I just don't get it.
Christian Bale: What don't you get about it?
Nostalgia Critic: Hold on, hold on. [Addresses the viewers] I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. [Resumes the call]
Christian Bale: Gimme a fuckin' answer!
Nostalgia Critic: I just don't get why you made Batman sound like he had lung cancer.
Christian Bale: Ohhh, good for you! You're a nice guy.
Nostalgia Critic: Why thank you!
Christian Bale: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Nostalgia Critic: YOU shut up! Go make "Reign of Fire 2"!
Christian Bale: No!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!
Christian Bale: NO!!
Nostalgia Critic: YES!!
Christian Bale: Fuck's sake.
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#3:
Nostalgia Critic: Fucking-A, this is My Little Pony fanfiction! Can't you just see an episode ending like that?!
[cuts to a clip of My Little Pony]
Fluttershy: Anyone who would give their soul for love, has the power to change the world! Isn't that right, Ghost Pony Rider?
Ghost Pony Rider: (demonic roar)
Fluttershy: Right!
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#4:
Nostalgia Critic: Remember that bunch of kids in high school who said they wanted to make movies? Remember how they used to show you all their films they worked so hard on? Remember how no matter what, you were always so impressed with how they put all their passion and all their love into every single frame they shot? And despite all the dedication that they put into every single frame, didn't you just HATE those fucking films!?
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#5:
Nostalgia: Fuckin bubbles!
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#6:
Nostalgia Critic: [cut back to scene] But just to be clear, this movie is bad.
Angry Video Game Nerd: Oh yeah yeah...
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah.
Angry Video Game Nerd: Oh it fucking sucks hard.
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah, yeah.
Angry Video Game Nerd: Like, like, like I mean really hard, like it just...
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah.
Angry Video Game Nerd: It j-.....[inhales deep] It just SUCKS SO FUCKING HARD!
Nostalgia Critic: O-okay-
Angry Video Game Nerd: I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS, IT'S SO FUCKING HORRIBLE! WHY'D YOU MAKE ME DO THI- [episode ends]
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#7:
Nostalgia Critic: Hello, I am Count Afleck-ula. And I am here to suck... That's about it.
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#8:
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, and if you're thinking about seeing the shot-by-shot remake, I have only one thing to say to you: Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates. [The Critic imitates turning the crank on a jack-in-the-box with "Pop Goes the Weasel" playing in the background, but instead of a clown, the word "FAIL" on a metal spring pops out]
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#9:
Nostalgia Critic: It's not like when something goes good for someone else they let out INSANELY loud laughter!.. But still, evil laughs are great.
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#10:
Bugs Bunny: What's dis? A joint?
Nostalgia Critic: Why does Bugs Bunny know what a joint is?
