Episode 9
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do you know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have you lost your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the Atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave you in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. You haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and punch a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did you just call me?
passenger: You heard me you British piece of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that you deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are you taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check more tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did you stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two more signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrassed* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If you ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, you have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure you knew. On The London & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't you mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do you know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: (Not this again.) Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pace of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the Atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meanwhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are you alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do you suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 minutes later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do you mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did you see the conductor?
Passenger: Did you see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help you (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did you say you were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. You saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger you were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So you don't feel like you can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, you can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a runway in an airport
Runway pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
Runway pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: Hey wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car next to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The Next Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows you how he got a smartphone in 1951
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do you know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have you lost your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the Atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave you in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. You haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and punch a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did you just call me?
passenger: You heard me you British piece of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that you deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are you taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check more tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did you stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two more signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrassed* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If you ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, you have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure you knew. On The London & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't you mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do you know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: (Not this again.) Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pace of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the Atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meanwhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are you alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do you suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 minutes later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do you mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did you see the conductor?
Passenger: Did you see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help you (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did you say you were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. You saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger you were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So you don't feel like you can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, you can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a runway in an airport
Runway pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
Runway pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: Hey wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car next to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The Next Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows you how he got a smartphone in 1951
I only read the first six so far.. So only can make 5
#1: RICK GRIMES
Rick is my favorite character in the comics, he's "okay" in the show.. I'm very mixed about Andrew Lincoln.
A lot of times, his fake American acent just sounds like it's trying to hard..
In the comic. He's just a fucking badass, period..
And lets not forget that speech
RICK: I killed Dexter to protect us! He was threatening to throw us out of this place.. OUR HOME!.. How humane would it of been out there!? How many people did we lose out there!?.. I saw an opening, I killed him.. I knew you people would be scared if you...
continue reading...
#1: RICK GRIMES
Rick is my favorite character in the comics, he's "okay" in the show.. I'm very mixed about Andrew Lincoln.
A lot of times, his fake American acent just sounds like it's trying to hard..
In the comic. He's just a fucking badass, period..
And lets not forget that speech
RICK: I killed Dexter to protect us! He was threatening to throw us out of this place.. OUR HOME!.. How humane would it of been out there!? How many people did we lose out there!?.. I saw an opening, I killed him.. I knew you people would be scared if you...
Well.. I'll say Sword was right about it being sad again.
But that would lead too him say
"I told you so"
And I'll say
"Don't have too rub it in"
And he'll say
"Yes I do"
And than he'll pour coffee onto me.
And I'll say
"Dick"
And he'll say
"Thank you"
either way.. I'm enjoying the funny episode while I can. Before I have too start crying again.
This show is doing anything it can too depress us. Like it's the shows job.. Too kick us in the balls and say "Life sucks, deal with it"
The show is an asshole.
But that would lead too him say
"I told you so"
And I'll say
"Don't have too rub it in"
And he'll say
"Yes I do"
And than he'll pour coffee onto me.
And I'll say
"Dick"
And he'll say
"Thank you"
either way.. I'm enjoying the funny episode while I can. Before I have too start crying again.
This show is doing anything it can too depress us. Like it's the shows job.. Too kick us in the balls and say "Life sucks, deal with it"
The show is an asshole.
So.. Here's another review..
The strory Nina reads is weird.. Especially the way she reads it.
I'd say I understand it now. But.. I don't.
This so is so confusing.
But hey. It's like THE ACCOUNTANT. I had no idea what exactly happened, just watched for the gun fights, and was happy.
This show has kind of animation.. All anime have that sort of odd animation, where people look like pictures, not normal people at times.
But hey.. Good episodes I guess.. The hitman seems dead. Guess now Johan actually has too "do stuff", witch must suck for him xD
The strory Nina reads is weird.. Especially the way she reads it.
I'd say I understand it now. But.. I don't.
This so is so confusing.
But hey. It's like THE ACCOUNTANT. I had no idea what exactly happened, just watched for the gun fights, and was happy.
This show has kind of animation.. All anime have that sort of odd animation, where people look like pictures, not normal people at times.
But hey.. Good episodes I guess.. The hitman seems dead. Guess now Johan actually has too "do stuff", witch must suck for him xD
I think I seen episode 9 before.
Well, at least the scene where Todd discovers the truth of his rock opera.
It's funnier now that I know what he's actually talking about.
Aaron paul's voice is so funny when having a character like Todd trying to actually "think".
And the fact it WASN'T revenge, is too funny.
I love you Todd..
Anyway.. The show is certainly a lot deeper now.
Sometimes it's a good thing.. But sometimes it's a depressing thing.. Mixes between those things.
We're almost done season 1 anyway, next week join me for the conclusion of season 1..
Well, at least the scene where Todd discovers the truth of his rock opera.
It's funnier now that I know what he's actually talking about.
Aaron paul's voice is so funny when having a character like Todd trying to actually "think".
And the fact it WASN'T revenge, is too funny.
I love you Todd..
Anyway.. The show is certainly a lot deeper now.
Sometimes it's a good thing.. But sometimes it's a depressing thing.. Mixes between those things.
We're almost done season 1 anyway, next week join me for the conclusion of season 1..
#1: KORN:
When you think about, it, a name like Korn dosen't really make you think of flowers and sunshine xD.
And the songs prove this.
I love them (obviously). But these songs are singing about murder, possible necrophilia, sex addictions, rape, lying, just about EVERY bad thing there is..
#2: DISTURBED:
The name probably says it all xD.
#3: EMINEM:
If these songs really ARE of his life, it certainly makes us realize, OUR problems (chores, going to work in the morning), aren't SHIT!
#4: PINK FLOYD:
These songs are a lot darker then people might think..
#5: SLIPKNOT:
With a album called "all hope is lost" how much happiness would one be expecting!?
When you think about, it, a name like Korn dosen't really make you think of flowers and sunshine xD.
And the songs prove this.
I love them (obviously). But these songs are singing about murder, possible necrophilia, sex addictions, rape, lying, just about EVERY bad thing there is..
#2: DISTURBED:
The name probably says it all xD.
#3: EMINEM:
If these songs really ARE of his life, it certainly makes us realize, OUR problems (chores, going to work in the morning), aren't SHIT!
#4: PINK FLOYD:
These songs are a lot darker then people might think..
#5: SLIPKNOT:
With a album called "all hope is lost" how much happiness would one be expecting!?
#1: FREDDY KRUEGER SAVES MR MACKEY:
Freddy rescues Mackey from molestation, while having the excuse to use one of his cheesy one liners. The irony of this is that is that the REAL Freddy Krueger murdered child with pleasure, and was a pedophile in the remake..
#2: KORN:
Korn becomes, well... Corn.
#3: KEEPING KENNY ALIVE:
The one time they chose to do so, is when he is better OFF dead. He's brain dead, and needed in heaven to stop an over the top war against Satan..
#4: CARTMAN:
In the Family Guy episode Cartman tells Kyle
"That's a cartoon! Millions of people watch it! How would you feel, Kyle, if there was a cartoon on television that made fun of Jews all the time?! Huh?!"
Freddy rescues Mackey from molestation, while having the excuse to use one of his cheesy one liners. The irony of this is that is that the REAL Freddy Krueger murdered child with pleasure, and was a pedophile in the remake..
#2: KORN:
Korn becomes, well... Corn.
#3: KEEPING KENNY ALIVE:
The one time they chose to do so, is when he is better OFF dead. He's brain dead, and needed in heaven to stop an over the top war against Satan..
#4: CARTMAN:
In the Family Guy episode Cartman tells Kyle
"That's a cartoon! Millions of people watch it! How would you feel, Kyle, if there was a cartoon on television that made fun of Jews all the time?! Huh?!"
