#1:

Man: (Cleaning a red Bodhi truck, witch is Trever's tradition car in the game).

Trevor: (comes in, wearing his traditional white t-shirt and sweat pants) Hey. Nice car man.

Man: Jee. Thanks mister..

Trevor: Say. Wanna see something, (gives the man a random magazine).

Man: (camera zoomed up on him) What am I suppose to do with this!?

Trevor: (shown in the car when the camera zoomed back out) It's suppose to distract you as I steal your car.

Man: (angrily) Hey!

Trevor: (driving off) You just been T-Jacked, bitch!

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#2::

Ron: So boss. Now that you took care of the bikers? What we gonna do.

Trevor. (stops at the Sandy Chores bank) YOU are not doing anything. But 'I' am stopping by the bank here.. I have a deposit to check out.

Ron: Well.. Have fun I guess.

Trevor: (gets out, and grabs shotgun and then cocks it).. Ohh. I intend too!

Ron: (gasps) Wait! Is that a real gu- (Trevor runs in) TREVOR!

Trevor: (dramatically bursts in, wearing bike helmet to hide his face, and fires the shotgun into the air) NOBODY MOVE! I'M MAKING A DEPOSIT!

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#3:

Michael: I've been in hiding.. But I DO see a therapist every so often.

Trevor: Therapist huh? I tried that once.. Didn't go so well.

(cut away).

Trevor: (in a therapy room) I'm telling you doc! I grieved him!.. And he wasn't even fuckin dead!.. The turd lied to me for all these years.

Doctor: I see.. And how dose that make you feel.

Trevor: (angrily) What is it with you!? Always with "feelings"..

Doctor: Just trying t-

Trevor: I HAD A HARD LIFE ALRIGHT! MY DADDY, WAS NOT, NICE TO ME!

Doctor: And how dose that make you f-

Trevor: (angrily breaks the doctors neck, killing him) FUCK YOU BITCH! WHO THE FUCK YOU SPEAKING TOO! WHO!?

Trevor: (angrily throws something) FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!

Trevor: ... FUUUCK!

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#4:

Michael: (hearing FIREWORKS playing loudly in the truck) Is this Katy fuckin Perry!?

Trevor: Yes.. Look. Just leave it on, it helps relax me!

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#5:

Michael: Where's Trevor?

Pilot: He said he was too busy..

Franklyn: What could that crazy man POSSIBLY be busy with!?

Michael: Who knows.. But I'm sure whatever it is, is completely violent and terrifying..

Meanwhile in Trevor's trailor house..

Pinkie Pie: (sitting cutely)

Trevor: (literary training her) Alright.. Where gonna try this one more time.. (extends hand) Gimme paw?

Pinkie Pie: ... (extends her hoof onto his hand)

Trevor: Good.. Now... Other paw.

Pinkie Pie: ... (extends 'same' hoof).

Trevor: (annoyedly) No, 'other' paw!

Pinkie Pie: ... (again extends the same hoof)

Trevor: (getting angry) For god sakes, we practiced this! Your gonna make me look bad in front of the others!

Trevor: other paw..

Pinkie Pie: ... (finally extends the right hoof)

Trevor: Finally!

Pinkie Pie: You know this reminds of the time wh-

Trevor: (deeply annoyed) Shut up!

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#6:

Pinkie/Pinkamena: Coarse it is. You been my owner all this time, and haven't even seen my show.

Trevor: Fine., but if this turns me into a bitch, your never hear the end of i-.

(brainwash sounds)

Voice: You are now watching my little pony.

Trevor: (hyponotized) I m now watching my little pony

voice: My little pony is the greatest show you ever seen. Except maybe family guy.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) My little pony is the greatest show I ever seen. Except maybe Family guy.

Voice: You will recommend my little pony and family guy to everybody you know.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) I will recommend my little pony and family guy to everyone I know.
Voice: You will never stop talking about my little pony, or family guy.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) I will never stop talking about my little pony, or family guy.

(present time.. Witch is directly after the mission THREE'S COMPANY).

Trevor: Michael. Look at us, eh?.. New town. New set of problems. But the idiots. They stay the same.

Michael: Don't worry. Things will slow down soon.

Trevor: You know what's NOT slowing down? My little pony. Greatest show I seen sense family guy.

Michael: (annoyed) God, you never shut up about those fuckin shows!

Trevor: (gets in helicopture).

Michael: I'll see you later.

Trevor: Ohh, you better believe it buddy.. (flies off).

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#7:

Trevor: I want of the other side.

Dealer: No at ma-

Trevor: (sudden anger) Oh yeah, well, FUCK YOU! I didn't want it anyway.. (flips his middle finger at the dealers face).. I'll rather stay at home, then be with your motherfuckin fagot for the rest of the day.. Good day bitch.. (storms out, still pointing middle finger).

(awkward silence).

Trevor: (calmly returns soon after) Dude, I totally didn't mean that.

Trevor: I'm sorry we had that fight jut then. You know, I mean. You said some things. I said something's.. But let's just put it behind us, and try to be friends again.

Dealer: ... I'm still not giving you it.

Trevor: (angrily flips him off again) WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! (tries grabbing it, revealing it to only be drywall with a key inside).

Trevor: Yo! That's a "close call with brick wall"!

Dealer: Isn't that an album for Andrew W.K.

Trevor: Sure is.. I like to "party hard" bitch!

Dealer: Wha-

Trevor: I "get wet" and like to "party hard"!.. "we want fun" asshole!

Dealer: Are you just naming songs!?

Trevor: GET READY TO DIE!

Dealer: Yo! We got some motherfuckin buyers remorse over here! (slams door closed)

Trevor: YO, YOU CAN'T FUCKIN HUSTLE A HUSTLER!

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#8:

Michael: Look.. Brad got shot.. You saw it.. He didn't make it.. I got shot, and did.. That's it!

Trevor: (still angry)

Michael: Hold on.. You really angry, or just making yourself seem louder?

Trevor: I'M REALLY ANGRY!

The voice from Spongebob: Blistering Fury!

Trevor: You were lying to me Mikey!..

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#9:

Martin: I need you to kill my cousin., shoot down the jet as he-

Trevor: (excited) Is he coming from Ireland!?.. Is he a leprechaun!?

Michael: (sitting on the other side of the couch, as it's big enough for all three), I highly doubt he's a lepre-

Trevor: Kick ass! I never killed a leprechaun before.. You think if I shoot it, it will bleed out lucky charms!?

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#11:

SCENE 12:

Pinkie: (holding Scootaloo cutely) Boss, this my little friend Scootaloo.. Rainbow Dash and I like to call her Scooty... I been asked to watch her for a bit.

Trevor: I see.

Pinkie: ... Wanna hold her?

Trevor: Sure, thanks.. (holds Scootaloo).

Pinkie: (looks at her watch for 2 seconds before looking back up) Okay, and now we- OH MY GOD!

Trevor: (accidentally killed Scootaloo within the 2 seconds Pinkie looked away) I'm sorry., I was just petting her, honest..

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#12:

Trevor: my dad dropped ME as a baby and i turned out... something... (looks around) Where the hell am I?

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#13:

Trevor: You didn't fuckin bring anything for my birthday!

Johnny: It's your birthday? Well happy birthda-

Trevor: IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT!

Johnny: Trevor.. Calm down.. Your going on crazy on me!

Trevor: Don't mind if I DO! (Begins making monkey related noises).

Johnny: (realizing the danger Johnny breaks open a case labelled "Break glass in case of Trevor's insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within) Stay away from me Trevor!

Trevor: (Acting like Jack Torrance from The Shining) Give me the bat, Johnny.. Gimme the bat.. Come on. Gimme the bat.. Gimme the bat! (makes scary face) Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! Bleaahhh... (Makes another scary face, then sees himself in a mirror) AAAAAHH!

Suddenly Trevor is hit in the neck by a extermely powerful tranquilizer dart. But somehow is still standing.

Johnny: (strangely impressed) YES!.. That's awesome!

Trevor: What?

Johnny: You just took one in the jugular, man!

Trevor: What? I did. (feels his neck) Oh, my God. I did.

Johnny: You better pull that shit out, man.. I mean. How are you still standing?

Trevor: (the drug begins taking it's effect on him) Wait... What?... Pull what out?

Johnny: The dart!.. You got a fucking dart in your neck, man!

Trevor: (laughing) You're. You're crazy, man.. I like you.. But you're crazy.

Trevor: (walking as if he's drunk) I need to lay down.. (suddenly he falls down on his face, and snoring is heard).

Carly: (comes in, holding Tranquillizer gun).

Johnny: (worried) Is he gonna be okay?

Carly: He'll be normal in a few hours?

Johnny: 'Normal' normal? Or Trevor normal.

Carly: Trevor normal... (sighs) I wish I could understand WHY he always has to be like this.\

Johnny: What.. You mean you never seen his commerical?

TV COMMERICAL:

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) Hi, I'm Trevor Phillips! And as you may know, I am totally and completely INSANE! (deranged chuckle)... I like to yell at mice with my shirt off!

[Cut to Trevor on all fours, shirtless, and literary screaming at a small mouse]

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) Sometimes, I like to steal other people's scabs!

[Cut to a man standing at a bus stop with a visible scab on his knee. Trevor comes in, rips the scab off the man's knee, and runs down the street holding it high in the air and screaming the entire way down].

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) How do I stay so crazy!? [Holds up a bottle of pills] Trevor Phillips's Crazy Pills!.. Take one with breakfast! One with lunch!.. And before you know it, you'll be up on your roof, pooping in the chimney!

[Cut to Trevor sitting on top of a chimney]

Trevor: [Calling down] Hold out your stockings, kids!

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#14:

Michael: Those fuckin cult friends of YOURS SHOT MY DAUGHTER! It's a damn good thing she and the baby are okay!

Trevor: (jumps up) SHE'S PREGNANT!.. Whose baby is that? Who's the man who did that to her!?

Michael: The biker.

Trevor: Trevor needs to gat that punk ass bitch!... There are three things I love in this world: Kylie Minogue, small dimples, just above a woman's buttocks.

Michael: Beautiful features.

Trevor: And the fear in a man's eye when he know's I'm about to hurt him.

Michael: Well you go near him and I'll break your nec-

Trevor: Yeah? You wanna threaten me? YOU WANNA THREATEN TO ME!? (leaps onto Michael) I'M GONNA MAKE YOU EAT A BOWL OF HUMAN SHIT!... (screams like mad man starts destroying the room for no apparent reason).

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#15:

Trevor: Fuck you Michael!

Michael: No fuck YOU Trevor... I don't like you Trevor. I think you're a fake friend.. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking EAT YOU and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Trevor: … OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.

Michael: How you gonna do that?

Trevor: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned.

[pause]

Trevor: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

Pinkie: Guys, what is going on?

Michael: Trevor's naked friends killed my friend Connor, as they TRIED killing my fuckin DAUGHTER!

Trevor: They aren't my friends anymore.

Michael: What did you do!?

Trevor: Okay.. But you can't be mad at me.

Michael: (angrily) Trevor!

Trevor: Okay.. First off… I was minding own business.

Michael: (slams fist on table) BULLSHIT!

Trevor: (whining) I was!

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#16:

Trevor: Hey Mikey.

Michael: ... Yeah.

Travor: So family ain't back yet?

Michael: ... Sure.

Trevor: Michael?

Michael: ... Totally.

Trevor: You like kissing dudes don't you?

Michael: ... Totally.

Trevor: Dude! (flips off the tv) Cut that shit out!

Michael: Carly and Johnny are out buying a crib for their baby.

Trevor: (Looking at him in shock) The fuck?!

Michael: ... Witch you did not hear about from ME!

Trevor: Man, your the worst secret keeper ever!

Michael: That's not true.. Think about how long I kept you unaware of Brad's death.

Trevor: BRAD IS DEAD!?

Michael: (long pause)... No

Trevor: You treacherous piece of SHIT!.. Your fuckin dead.. (runs out) YOUR FUCKIN DEAD!

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#17:

Young Carly: Uncle Trevor?

Trevor: (wearing mascot costume on everything but his head) Hey baby girl.. This time I think I got just the thing people will remember me for. I am gonna stop pollution with my new, lovable character, Gary the No-trash Cougar.

Young Carly: Wow.. That IS a good idea actually.

Trevor: Damn straight.. The school will love me (puts on the mask, but it reveals to be the type of things NIGHTMARES are made of).

Young Carly: Uncle.. Their only my age.. 7 or 8 years ol-

Trevor: (in the scary costume) Not now Carly.. (cocks AP pistol).

Young Carly: (gasps) Wait, is that a real gu- (Trevor runs into the cafeteria) TREVOR!

Trevor bursts into the cafeteria, with the horrifying costume, and fires a live bullet into the roof to catch the attention of frightened little kids).

Trevor: (violently screaming) PICK UP YOUR TRASH!

Trevor: (still angry) I wanna know whose cup this is! (shoots his gun into the air) I SAID I WANNA KNOW WHO'S CUP THIS IS!

A frightened little girl timidly raises her hand.

Trevor: (points the gun at her) PICK IT UP!.. PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP!

The girl, frightened for her life, puts the trash in the garbadge.

Trevor: (calmly) Thank you, sweetie. See what a nicer place this is when we all pitch in? Like Gary the No-trash Cougar.. Give a larbage, throw out your garbage. Spread the word! (He fires his gun into the air as he leaves the room).

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#18:

Pinkie: (Playing farcry 3).

Trevor: You playing that game!?

Pinkie: It's addicting.. You would like it boss.

Trevor: I tried it before.. I would of done things a bit differently, I can tell that much.

---------

Trevor: (wakes up in the cage with Grant) Get me out of here!?

Vaas: Shut up!.. Cause you two white boys look expensive! And that's good because I like expensive things...

Trevor: You don't scare me boy-o.

Vaas: Too bad! I own you.. (Goes close to him) Your my bitc- (Trevor punches him though the cage).. AHHH!

Trevor: You were saying.

Vaas: Fuck you!

Trevor: No fuck you!

Trevor: No, fuck, you!

Vaas: FUCK YOU!

Trevor: No fuck, you!

Vaas: No fuck YOU!.. (throws something in anger) DO YOU WANT ME TO SLICE YOU OPEN!?.. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

(brief silence).

Trevor: Hey mister.

Vaas: What?

Trevor: (chuckles) Fuck you.

Vaas: (screaming loudly)

Vaas: I WILL CUT YOUR FUCKIN FACE OFF YOU FUCKIN DIC-

Hoyt: (walks) VAAS! STOP SHOUTING!..

Vaas: (growls angrily).

Trevor: You are angry Vaas. You... Are angry.

7 DAYS LATER:

Hoyt: So... Your the new Vaas, huh?

Trevor: (dressed in Vaas's clothing, and put his hair into Vaas's mohawk) Yes, now where's Reily?

Hoyt: (actually a bit nervous) He's in the back.

Trevor: Thank you. (goes over and free's Reily, all without having to kill anyone).
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#19:

Trevor: I'M SO RAGED WAIT NOW!

Carly: (sarcastally) What else is new?

Trevor: (blasted by sudden spot lights) AAH! MY RAGE HAS BLINDED ME!

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#20:

Trevor: (Carly having thrown him out of her house) Huh. This is a new feeling...pride in someone else. (wipes his face with his glove and sees he's bleeding) Unfortunately, it's overshadowed by all this UNYIELDING RAGE!

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#21:

Trevor: (watching TV)

ACTOR 1: Hey, man. Is that the last Hetap?

ACTOR 2: Yeah, and it's all mine! (a gunshot is heard) Ahh! Ahh! Oh, God! Oh, Jesus! Why?! (another gunshot is heard)

NARRATOR: Hetap. Come on, (low, evil voice) you've killed for less.

Trevor: (thinking) That's not 'un"true...