Everyone else was doing it, so why not?
Some people even say that they like my comments on things because they find it funny. Meh, whatever, I just say it how it is.
I think I'm going to start in the customary way, by working from the bottom to the top.
Yes, I swear. Because I'm not 5. If you have a problem with that, then you really need to get off the Internet.




9) Belle

Yes, Belle. I really hate her, in case you didn't get that yet. I hate her voice, I hate her songs, I hate her personality and I hate her clothes. She's plain and boring and I just dislike her greatly. She's like a big filler to the whole film, and her image is pretty much an afterthought. Her only decent dress is that green one she wears in the library, and even that isn't amazing. Her hair is blegh, and she definitely isn't the most beautiful woman in town. Is Gaston blind or just stupid? I think I'll go with the latter. He has THREE stunning women hanging off his every word, and he pays no attention to them? Yeah, dude, you aren't that amazingly hot. Get them while they're still fresh from the oven, or they'll go stale and will only be good for the birds. Abandoning him and his stupidity for a moment, there is the whole "Belle is a bookworm, so that makes her interesting and smart" thing. No, it doesn't. She's the most irritating bookworm ever, and Twilight wasn't even around then (OH, SUCH HAPPIER TIMES!).

8) Snow White

"Snow White is always last. Stop putting her last. Why do people keep putting her last?"
Ever thought that maybe people just don't like her? She irritates me greatly (THAT VOICE FOR ONE THING. OMG, BLEGH, STFU WOMAN). She's weird looking in more ways than one. First off, she's about 13 and getting serenaded by a guy that's, what, 20? What is this, Romeo and fucking Juliet? No, this is a Disney film. Keep the paedophilia to yourself, Walt. And she's also just about the most under-developed 13 year old I've ever seen. I certainly had a rack when I was 13, but Snow White is actually boobless. Secretly a guy? Well, that would explain the awful hairdo. She looks like she's wearing a wig. Then there are the other things she wears. Those dresses would look nice on ANYONE but her. Don't give a dress designed to enhance curves to a girl that doesn't have any. Honestly, where the fuck is Gok Wan when you need him?

7) Tiana

"IS IT BECAUSE SHE'S NEW?!"
To be blunt, yes. I'm not seeing PatF until later today, which is when my mum is out at my Grandma's so I can have a relaxing movie day in front of my computer with some sweets and chocolate and crisps and shit. From what I've seen and heard, she's a pretty hard working and upstanding young woman. But is it me, or is she just coming across as some sort of serious, stuck-up bitch through the online world? No thank you, I prefer someone fun. My opinion may change when I've actually seen it, but you know. I'll leave a cute little comment if she does move.
She's moved to 4th now, but editing this is too much hard work for me. Let's be honest. I really liked Tiana. OMG, HER VOICE. I've never heard anyone talk like that, it was actual love. And she's beautiful and I love her attitude. And wow, yeah. She's amazing.

6) Aurora

Now, here is a girl that I neither love nor hate. She can sit here looking pretty for all I care, that's all she ever really does. You know, apart from sleeping and dreaming. A bit of an idiotic hypocrite as well, but man does she have some LUNGS! Hot prince, too. Get in there, sunshine. ;)

5) Cinderella

Ditto as Aurora. I never really adored her at all. She's just... Cinderella. The one in the dress, with the shoes. I much prefered the other characters in that film. She got a back seat, mainly because she's so WEAK. If you're going to be weak, do it with a little bit of sass, rather than some silly facetious conversation with mice.

4) Ariel

Very much draws with number 3 here, and for many reasons.
Oh, sweet little Ariel. Not the most beautiful, at least not from where I'm sitting, certainly not the smartest, possibly the worst dressed and easily the best redhead Disney ever produced. No, wait, Hercules is ginger. I take that back. She's a mermaid, which pretty much makes all other reasons for her being awesome void, but once again the other characters just surpass her. As a result, she never really gets the top spot there and consequently cannot get the top spot here. Sebastian and Scuttle make you look like crud, Ariel. You're funny and childish and cute and everything... But you are neither a Jamaican crab or a seagull with mental health issues.

3) Jasmine

Will Aladdin and The Little Mermaid never be free from each other in my countdowns? They always end up squabbling for their spot, and here are the princesses going tooth and nail in... a TLC wrestling match sounds good.
Jasmine beats Ariel. Why? Because of her AMAZING facial expressions. She has the "lolk" face, the "yeah, fuck that" face, the "get your hands off me, you have scabies" face, the "oh Jafar, you sexy beast" face, the "yeah, I'm totally not jealous" face, the "you know, something isn't quite right here" face, and the all important "THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, but it's romantic so what the hell" face. And she has nice hair, a good waist and nice fashion sense. A little more than a teensy bit too vain however. That girl seriously needs to have her mirror smashed so she'll stop looking at herself in it for just one scene.

2) Pocahontas

Oh, the joys of yesteryear. After I'd passed from "OMG I'M BATMAN" phase, I discovered the beauty that is Pocahontas. Sexy, sassy, the best hips in the Princess lineup (and the best dress) and the hottest guy ever to walk into a film outside of The Hunchback of Notre Dame (or maybe Aladdin... Hmm, is Aladdin hot? I can never make up my mind about these guys. They keep skipping around like crazy fools. Stay in your lane, can you not read signposts? Jeez)... Where was I? Oh yeah, John Smith is fucking sexy as. And he has a hot voice. Hmmm, maybe I should move him up a bit higher... CHANGE PLACES!
Yes, anyway, back to Pocahontas. She's smart and all in touch with nature and stuff. Even though she became a fucktard in the sequel and decided to marry the biggest poshest douche she could find instead of THAT AMAZINGLY HOT SEXY GUY THAT YOU RISKED YOUR LIFE FOR WOMAN, ARE YOU BLIND?! Anyway, yes, she's still epic. And nobody poses like Pocahontas. Apparently, this now matters in choosing favourites.

1) Mulan

You can stop cheering, because I love her too. She's AMAZING, goddamnit. Ok, so she almost married a douche in the sequel too, but that's because she cares more about the happiness of others than the happiness of herself. She goes out of her way for everyone. She risks her life for her father, devises plans to save the emperor, runs around like a crazy fool, sometimes listens to MUSHU of all people... erm, dragons... erm, lizards. "I AM NOT A LIZARD, I DON'T DO THE TONGUE THING!"
...Yeah, I've seen that film waaaaay too many times. MAYBE BECAUSE MULAN IS SO EPIC. She's naturally beautiful and she has an amazing singing voice and she's so agile and she's a smart and strong woman that stands up to men and she's asian... which, apparently, is worth it's weight in gold on the internet. I'd like my nuggets now, kthx.





So, that's your lot. I don't really care if you disagree with me, because if you don't care for my opinion then you shouldn't have read my article.

Also, I love how Fanpop is insisting that this uses html code in their formatting tips, when it's pretty obviously BB Code. Hurrhurrhurr. /total nerd