CHAPTER 1 [continued]
nov. 23 1987
i sat there. puzzled. scared. i could feel my eyes starting to sting with the tears i should've cried when i was feeling the pain. i thought i could trust him! he was there for me when my mother died. he came around the corner. i sat still. barely breathing.
"hey beatiful" he said as if nothing happened. i just sat there.
"hello? i'm talking to you. listen i didn't want to. i had to." my thought was why he had to. i looked the other way. he started to stroke my hair.
" i love you." and he kissed my cheek. "come on. i'll take you home."
when i finally made it home it actually felt good. i walked into the apartment door and took the elevator up. the footsteps i made in the hall were like a rythm that could not be followed. i entered the key into the hole. i looked up. there was a note. it read:
" hawk, i have taken your father to the rehab center. i will send you money. he will be back soon.
love, uncle george."
i took it off the door and crumbled it. it meant nothing to me. i could care less if he walked around the world for me. the door closed behind me as i walked toward the couch. then the phone rang. it was matt.
"hello?" i asked.
"hey.um i know that's it's kinda weird for me to call after what happened. but we need to talk"
he said this all in a way like his old self. i just stood there. breathing into the phone.
"hello? i know your there hawk. now please say something."
i said nothing.
"see now you wonder why i rapped you!"
that's when i spoke up.
"no! you rapped me because you wanted to! you wanted me to cry and scream!" the tears started to come again. then i looked out my window to see that he was there. "let me in!" he yelled.
" go away matt! please!"
"open the fucking window!"
the fright i was feeling i could not fight. i opened the window. he pushed me down.
" no i rapped you because you were always a bitch! always depressed so i wanted to make you happy."
"you call that being happy? matt i was screaming for help!"
"no you were screaming because you liked it!"
" no,no,no!!!!!!! not now, not ever!!!!!"
and i kicked him. he fell back. i ran into the kitchen. he followed.
" come here!"
"no go away!"
he made his way behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck. there he was again pulling me and his pants down. then i fought back. i grabbed a knife and stabbed him.
"ahhhhhh" he yelled as he fell. i backed away with the bloody knife in my hand.
" oh no matt!"
his eyes slowly closed. i ran to his side and rubbed his hair. what just happened? what did i do? i had to leave. now. and go far away. i took the knife and placed it on his chest.
"i love you." i said and left.
END OF CHAPETER 1
nov. 23 1987
i sat there. puzzled. scared. i could feel my eyes starting to sting with the tears i should've cried when i was feeling the pain. i thought i could trust him! he was there for me when my mother died. he came around the corner. i sat still. barely breathing.
"hey beatiful" he said as if nothing happened. i just sat there.
"hello? i'm talking to you. listen i didn't want to. i had to." my thought was why he had to. i looked the other way. he started to stroke my hair.
" i love you." and he kissed my cheek. "come on. i'll take you home."
when i finally made it home it actually felt good. i walked into the apartment door and took the elevator up. the footsteps i made in the hall were like a rythm that could not be followed. i entered the key into the hole. i looked up. there was a note. it read:
" hawk, i have taken your father to the rehab center. i will send you money. he will be back soon.
love, uncle george."
i took it off the door and crumbled it. it meant nothing to me. i could care less if he walked around the world for me. the door closed behind me as i walked toward the couch. then the phone rang. it was matt.
"hello?" i asked.
"hey.um i know that's it's kinda weird for me to call after what happened. but we need to talk"
he said this all in a way like his old self. i just stood there. breathing into the phone.
"hello? i know your there hawk. now please say something."
i said nothing.
"see now you wonder why i rapped you!"
that's when i spoke up.
"no! you rapped me because you wanted to! you wanted me to cry and scream!" the tears started to come again. then i looked out my window to see that he was there. "let me in!" he yelled.
" go away matt! please!"
"open the fucking window!"
the fright i was feeling i could not fight. i opened the window. he pushed me down.
" no i rapped you because you were always a bitch! always depressed so i wanted to make you happy."
"you call that being happy? matt i was screaming for help!"
"no you were screaming because you liked it!"
" no,no,no!!!!!!! not now, not ever!!!!!"
and i kicked him. he fell back. i ran into the kitchen. he followed.
" come here!"
"no go away!"
he made his way behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck. there he was again pulling me and his pants down. then i fought back. i grabbed a knife and stabbed him.
"ahhhhhh" he yelled as he fell. i backed away with the bloody knife in my hand.
" oh no matt!"
his eyes slowly closed. i ran to his side and rubbed his hair. what just happened? what did i do? i had to leave. now. and go far away. i took the knife and placed it on his chest.
"i love you." i said and left.
END OF CHAPETER 1
