Why Do You Push
© Jazmin Badilla
I was turning 11.
the day I needed to be happy, the
start of my 11th birthday.
but that was not the only thing
that it marked. it was also the
day that it had all started. I just
turned 11 and you just turned 15.
you knew more and were stronger.

the night came and you entered my
room as I lay awake in my bed next
to my 6 year old sister.
she was asleep and not able to witness
the horrible crime you did to me.

you poked me to see if I was awake and
I looked up smiling, hoping that you got
me something for my birthday.
but it was not. you told me to go in your
room and lay on your bed, I did exactly
that. you followed behind.
I did not know better. you pushed me back
and got on top of me.

I looked up at you, my heart pounding and
my finger tips and feet cold as ice. you told
me not to scream, you said that it would hurt.
and you were right. it felt like you were ripping
me up from the inside out. you did not slow down.
then finally there was blood coming from me. you
told me to go to the bathroom and it should stop
in 5 minutes. and when it did you raped me again.

I pushed you away and said no the quietest I could
and it sounded like nails on the board. you said
"and your point is..." and pushed your body in mine.
I cried from the pain but also because I was not aware
of what was happening.

it was the worst 5 years of my life.