So you check out Fanpop pretty regularly, and sometimes you see picks, comments, soapboxes, or forum posts that you want to respond to, but don't know if you should. I'm not talking about whether or not you should add some naughty innuendo to a comment, or reply to something that made you laugh. I'm speaking more of the content that makes you react negatively. Maybe it annoyed you, offended you, or it's a feud between two fanpoppers that you know. In any case, you don't like it, and you want to say something, but you're not sure what that is.

Now there are users who say what they think when they want to, however blunt it may be, or how it may be interpreted by the masses because they aren't afraid to be who they are and say what they mean. This is awesome and worthy of commendation, and by all means keep doing it. Honesty is the way forward.

There are others who pause, contemplate, and phrase their thoughts in a diplomatic fashion, whether or not it is seen as meddling, offensive, or condescending. This is also commendable because they are the diplomats of the site. Understanding is the glue that holds us together.

There are still others who will not reply at all, generally due to the "If you can't say something nice" vernacular that has been ingrained into our minds since grade school. This does no harm, but also does not help. It is a neutral response, and a perfectly fine thing to do if you don't think you can help the problem, and especially if you think you'll just make things worse. After all, you do have to pick your battles. Neutrality is what helps to keep things balanced.

These tend to be the three main courses of action when you want to criticize (or accuse or defend depending on the situation) another fanpopper. There are, of course, other ways to deal with this, but I don't want to address that. Because while all these courses of action have their pluses (mentioned above) they also have their minuses (briefly alluded to above). So here's a bit of advice (mind you, you aren't required to take it) in order to decrease the antipathy on this site.

First of all, to those who wear their hearts and minds on their sleeves:

If you want to give a Fanpopper a piece of your mind, more power to you. But may I recommend a private message, as your remarks, no matter how well intended, may be taken badly and spark an argument which the rest of us aren't sure we want to be drawn into. It's great to be honest, but remember that your words, especially if there is passion behind them, are easily misinterpreted. Say your piece, but don't forget to listen to theirs. This is how arguments are resolved, with honesty and listening to each other.

If you just have a piece of blunt criticism, the recipient may take it better if it is done privately, because they may be embarrassed if someone blatantly points out their flaws in public.

If you are addressing a group of Fanpoppers about an issue that's been bugging you, then try not to mention names. These people will know who they are, and generally the rest of the population won't. It's often good to receive a blunt reminder on how things should be done, and it's easier to take if it's not just someone ganging up on you, personally, about it, but an entire population of transgressors.

Now, to those who believe that gentle criticism is the way to go:

Often times, diplomats can be seen as condescending or meddling, especially if they involve themselves in an argument which they were not originally a part of. Just keep this in mind before you involve yourself. Will you do more harm than good? Often, you can resolve a lot of different problems, especially with the help of like-minded users who also want to end the fighting. Diplomats are better in numbers. Remember, you can't bring peace to the Middle East with just a few words. You're trying to placate matters, not necessarily cure them completely.

If you are giving constructive criticism to a user, new or otherwise, about how s/he should conduct him/herself, remember that though you give advice, you should not automatically expect others to accept it readily. Advice is just suggestions, not ultimatums. If you want to emphasize the importance of taking this advice, perhaps some sharper words should be employed to get your point across (see section on wearing your heart on your sleeve for advice [which you don't have to take ;o)] on that issue). Also remember that some people don't react well to criticism, even if it's voiced delicately and constructively, so if they reject your advice and throw it back in your face, do the Ghandian thing and just accept it. If you must respond by giving a piece of your mind, please do it in a private message (again, the heart on your sleeves section).

Lastly, to those who choose neutral non-involvement:

Sometimes, you can do some good, and don't forget that! It's true that you have to pick your battles, but that involves actually picking a battle on occasion. It's not always a bad thing to get involved. Yes, sometimes, it is, but if you're feeling frustrated and never say anything about it, the problem will never get fixed. It's good to be a nice person, but everyone has their pet peeves, and you should voice yours once in a while. I myself often claim to be "Switzerland" in plenty of disputes I don't want to involve myself in, but Switzerland didn't win any wars that way [Disclaimer: I am aware of the Swiss military history, but for metaphor's sake...].

Inevitably, what you choose to say or not to say is up to you. Just be prepared to take responsibility for whatever those words are.

And that's it. A list of advice from a "diplomat" who does not necessarily expect you to take it.

But still, it's worthy of being put out there.