Lorne Michaels looked out upon the chaos backstage and nodded. It was Saturday once again, and all the preparations throughout the week never seemed to diminish the last minute frantic nature of the set as everyone ran around like headless chickens, trying to get everything ready for the air time. Compulsively, he checked his PDA again. 20 minutes to air. His lips compressed; this show was particularly important, as a command performance from Fanpop for his guest of honor. Usually, Lorne's assistant Doug would handle such things, but this week he had such a cavalcade of stars that he himself was taking the time to check on his other guests.

They were all in the green room, in various states of agitation, except for Zach Braff, Donald Faison and Neil Flynn, oblivious while boisterously playing Wii sports in the corner.
"Is everything OK, folks?" Lorne inquired. Helena, on the phone with her partner, Tim Burton, didn't reply at first. "I dunno about these other folks," Samwise said, pointing at a wicked stepmother, "but that one is giving me the willies." The stepmother, for her part, looked disapprovingly at Hansel and Gretel, who were clamoring for more candy. "At least you have room to move around," Bumblebee groaned, his head invisible through a hole in the ceiling. "I'd transform into vehicle mode, but someone won't let me." Chandler smirked, "Yeah, the rest of us kinda don't want to asphyxiate on carbon monoxide!" "Ooh!" Homer guffawed, "You got told by Matthew Perry!" "Hello! Matthew Perry is the actor who plays my part." "D'oh!" Wayne tried unsuccessfully to diffuse the tension with some improv, while Clive sulked in the corner. "Ten years I hosted the show. Ten years! Then Drew comes along and it's as if he invented improv, and Dan, Mark and I didn't exist." Homer patted him on the shoulder consolingly, "There, there. As a depressed bald guy myself, I can say that nothing cheers a guy up like binge eating...with beer!" Clive complained to the "Saturday Night Live" producer: "Lorne, how much longer until we begin? I've come all the way across the Atlantic to celebrate a special Fanpop user, not to be propositioned by a Peter Griffin wannabe!"

At this point, Lorne sighed and called security. What followed was ten minutes of classic slapstick barroom brawling which defies description in an article but would have been hilarious had you been there. After the dust settled, the custard was mopped up and the circus animals were returned to their cages, Lorne tried again. "Ten minutes to air, folks! I just wanted to see if there was anything I could get you...?" O'Malley yawned, stretched and hopped down from Helena's lap. "Thanks, baby. Yeah, big guy, I got a request: some more tuna for your star attraction...namely, me." He slunk up to Lorne and spoke confidentially behind a paw: "See, the stuff you provided was good and all, but, being the generous soul that I am, I decided to share some with my new chum. Little did I know that the lout was gonna eat it all! But I suppose it shouldn't have been a surprise...he can barely squeeze into those boots..." "Hey, I heard that, you know!" said Puss, who was across the room chatting with Serena. "I'm not deaf! But perhaps I would be if I had to listen to more of that stuff you call 'music'!" "Whaaaat? That just shows how much you know! Everybody loves my music. Who else here is referenced in a Primus song, huh? Nobody!" Serena, never one to run from a true fight, stood up to intervene, but Puss took O'Malley aside to try to talk things out. O'Malley was having none of it, and conned Puss into trying on the red shoes "Just for a moment". "Righteous prig" he muttered as he walked away from the furiously dancing feline. "You're one to talk!" the genie said, "What do you have to be proud of? Everybody agrees that The Aristocats was the worst Disney animated film ever!" "Oh yeah? Sure, you'd say that, since you're a product of Disney's lower standards, only using celebrity voice talent!" O'Malley promptly vanished in a puff of smoke. Everyone stared at the genie in shock as the smoke slowly dissipated...then Dr. Hibbert started to laugh.

Doug popped in and nodded to Lorne. "Okay, everybody, it's time. Let's have a great show!" Re-energized, the throng of special guests filed out for a gargantuan Christmas pageant, performing a musical condensed version of Jane Eyre as the opening number. It was gaudy, it was loud, it was in poor taste, it was funny as all get-out. It was "Live! from New York! It's Saturday Night!" The remaining cast members took a bow at the curtain line, and Lorne, relieved that everything had gone off without a hitch (except for the exploding snake wrangler), came out and gave a little speech.

"Hi, I'm Lorne Michaels. We've been performing Saturday Night Live! for thirty-three, no, make that thirty-four years now, so I know about being patient, and how long things can take. Tonight I want to talk about Christmas, and how in some countries all Twelve Days of Christmas are celebrated, from 25 December to Epiphany on 6 January. In the spirit of that tradition - and not because we are tardy in any way - I'm delighted to say that I've rarely had as great a pleasure as tonight, when I get to wish Fanpop's own isa-isa, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2009! Thanks, Isabel - it's been a pleasure preparing and performing this show for you!"

Edited to change a reference to lava rock to an indefinite article.