Hello, this is my first Star Wars book. I got the idea a little over a year ago. I can't remember. I just remember one night lying in bed when I got the idea. The whole story mainly expresses what I feel about Episode III and how it ruined my liking to Star Wars at the age of 8 I think. Or is it 7??? I can't remember. It expresses why on how it ends and how it goes. This is the one I'm kinda scared to put on because I fear the people will say this is just a stupid rip-off. I know people who would anyway. Anyway, please don't critisize, if you don't like it just say so.
“MASTER MASTER WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Andreas Skywalker jumped awake to his Padawan’s screams. “What is it this time?” Andreas asked. “Can I get a decent sleep for once on this Voyage? We’ve been traveling for three days and every night you’ve said there’s a pirate ship coming and it was nothing.” Andreas got out of bed and put on his boots groggily. “But this is real this time!” Andreas’s young padawan, Zeal Frates said. Andreas put on his belt as he said “Well you said that the past few nights and woke me up. Seriously, I haven’t been able to get a decent sleep since the attack on Coruscant hit. Wait, not even before that. Zeal, I’m tired, I’m exhausted. It’s nothing, but I’ll check it out anyway or else I won’t get to go back to sleep.” Zeal half dragged Andreas out of his quarters and into the control room.
Andreas looked out the windows, he didn’t see anything. “See? It’s nothing Zeal. Now let me get back to sleep. I need a full night’s sleep.” Andreas went to go back to his quarters but Zeal stopped him before she left the control room. “Master it isn’t a pirate ship,” Zeal said. “We got a message from a Detective Rosalinda Sandrea; she was on her way to Junction 5 when pirates hit her ship and they took her. I have the message saved. It’s only a comm, should we go save her?” Andreas felt wide awake in shock. Rosalinda was in trouble? Again? He though she wasn’t going on cases off Coruscant, she said so last time Andreas and she talked. Andreas knew what he had and wanted to do, he was going to save Detective Sandrea.
“Okay then,” Andreas said. “If this is true, which it better be, you need to show me the message.” Zeal nodded and went over to the comm system and pressed a button. Detective’s voice talked through the speaker is said “This is Detective Rosalinda Sk- Sandrea; right now I’m being attacked by pirates. I won’t be able to start my case in the Planet Junction 5. Please help Andi, I need you.” There was a scream and the recording ended. Andreas stood there in shock. Rosalinda was in trouble. He needed to go save her, before it was too late. “Who’s Andi?” Zeal asked. Andreas opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and had to think for a moment. Andi was Rosalinda’s nickname for Andreas. Being secretly married it was second nature to call each other by their nicknames. Rosalinda didn’t have time to think about not using Andreas’s nickname.
“Oh, I get it,” Zeal said teasingly. “Andi’s gotta girlfriend!!!!” Andreas glared and Zeal, Zeal only looked back and winked teasingly. “Shut up,” Andreas said. “Just shut up. She thought it was someone else okay? I have no idea.” Zeal only ignored her mentor. “Sky Guy’s gotta Sky Girl!!!!” Zeal said dancing around. “What did you just call me? Okay, that is so taken out of Jedi History. That’s restricted to Younglings like you,” Andreas said. Zeal stopped her little dance and placed her hands on her hips and glared at Andreas. “Well you shouldn’t know it either,” Zeal said. “You’re not a Jedi Master. And I have the right to know everything instead of what you told me.”
“Well I only told you to make you feel better,” Andreas snapped. “Now Snips! You snuck in the restricted section of the Jedi Temple library and saw the whole thing didn’t you? Now don’t lie to me you Snippy Youngling, I should have never taken you as my Padawan!”
“Well so what if I did?” Zeal said getting defensive. “You did it all the time!”
“Well I’m not a good influence!” Andreas barked. Andreas thought on his words for a minute, he wasn’t a good influence. Guess that needed to change. He was going to be a father, Andreas felt guilt, he still needed to think what he was going to do about that. But that wasn’t the time to think about that. His wife was in trouble. “And I’m not a youngling!” Zeal said. “I’ll be thirteen in eighty-nine days!!!!!” Andreas rolled his eyes and started to boot up the ship. “Well we’ll talk about this later, we need to go and save Rosa- Detective Sandrea.”
“Ooh do I sense a hint of love between you and the Detective?” Zeal asked. “Ooh so romantic, I love it!!! It’s like your umpteenth great grandfather isn’t it?” Andreas froze for a second; Zeal came up with so many random accusations that weren’t true. But that one was, but instead Andreas sarcastically played along. “Yea you got me, just wait, it get’s worse. Wait till or kid comes and I’ll make you take care of it.” Zeal laughed. “Okay Master,” Zeal said playfully. “I’ll do that while you and Sky Girl go on a date.”
“This is going to be a long night,” Andreas thought. “I hope Zeal doesn’t think I was telling the truth. I half was.”
Okay, here's what I need help on.
What kind of speices should Zeal be?
Do you like it? What needs to be fixed?
How can I make this more original, and my story?
Any ideas for the story? Like, to make it more likable?
Is this good enough to put on another part?
“MASTER MASTER WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Andreas Skywalker jumped awake to his Padawan’s screams. “What is it this time?” Andreas asked. “Can I get a decent sleep for once on this Voyage? We’ve been traveling for three days and every night you’ve said there’s a pirate ship coming and it was nothing.” Andreas got out of bed and put on his boots groggily. “But this is real this time!” Andreas’s young padawan, Zeal Frates said. Andreas put on his belt as he said “Well you said that the past few nights and woke me up. Seriously, I haven’t been able to get a decent sleep since the attack on Coruscant hit. Wait, not even before that. Zeal, I’m tired, I’m exhausted. It’s nothing, but I’ll check it out anyway or else I won’t get to go back to sleep.” Zeal half dragged Andreas out of his quarters and into the control room.
Andreas looked out the windows, he didn’t see anything. “See? It’s nothing Zeal. Now let me get back to sleep. I need a full night’s sleep.” Andreas went to go back to his quarters but Zeal stopped him before she left the control room. “Master it isn’t a pirate ship,” Zeal said. “We got a message from a Detective Rosalinda Sandrea; she was on her way to Junction 5 when pirates hit her ship and they took her. I have the message saved. It’s only a comm, should we go save her?” Andreas felt wide awake in shock. Rosalinda was in trouble? Again? He though she wasn’t going on cases off Coruscant, she said so last time Andreas and she talked. Andreas knew what he had and wanted to do, he was going to save Detective Sandrea.
“Okay then,” Andreas said. “If this is true, which it better be, you need to show me the message.” Zeal nodded and went over to the comm system and pressed a button. Detective’s voice talked through the speaker is said “This is Detective Rosalinda Sk- Sandrea; right now I’m being attacked by pirates. I won’t be able to start my case in the Planet Junction 5. Please help Andi, I need you.” There was a scream and the recording ended. Andreas stood there in shock. Rosalinda was in trouble. He needed to go save her, before it was too late. “Who’s Andi?” Zeal asked. Andreas opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and had to think for a moment. Andi was Rosalinda’s nickname for Andreas. Being secretly married it was second nature to call each other by their nicknames. Rosalinda didn’t have time to think about not using Andreas’s nickname.
“Oh, I get it,” Zeal said teasingly. “Andi’s gotta girlfriend!!!!” Andreas glared and Zeal, Zeal only looked back and winked teasingly. “Shut up,” Andreas said. “Just shut up. She thought it was someone else okay? I have no idea.” Zeal only ignored her mentor. “Sky Guy’s gotta Sky Girl!!!!” Zeal said dancing around. “What did you just call me? Okay, that is so taken out of Jedi History. That’s restricted to Younglings like you,” Andreas said. Zeal stopped her little dance and placed her hands on her hips and glared at Andreas. “Well you shouldn’t know it either,” Zeal said. “You’re not a Jedi Master. And I have the right to know everything instead of what you told me.”
“Well I only told you to make you feel better,” Andreas snapped. “Now Snips! You snuck in the restricted section of the Jedi Temple library and saw the whole thing didn’t you? Now don’t lie to me you Snippy Youngling, I should have never taken you as my Padawan!”
“Well so what if I did?” Zeal said getting defensive. “You did it all the time!”
“Well I’m not a good influence!” Andreas barked. Andreas thought on his words for a minute, he wasn’t a good influence. Guess that needed to change. He was going to be a father, Andreas felt guilt, he still needed to think what he was going to do about that. But that wasn’t the time to think about that. His wife was in trouble. “And I’m not a youngling!” Zeal said. “I’ll be thirteen in eighty-nine days!!!!!” Andreas rolled his eyes and started to boot up the ship. “Well we’ll talk about this later, we need to go and save Rosa- Detective Sandrea.”
“Ooh do I sense a hint of love between you and the Detective?” Zeal asked. “Ooh so romantic, I love it!!! It’s like your umpteenth great grandfather isn’t it?” Andreas froze for a second; Zeal came up with so many random accusations that weren’t true. But that one was, but instead Andreas sarcastically played along. “Yea you got me, just wait, it get’s worse. Wait till or kid comes and I’ll make you take care of it.” Zeal laughed. “Okay Master,” Zeal said playfully. “I’ll do that while you and Sky Girl go on a date.”
“This is going to be a long night,” Andreas thought. “I hope Zeal doesn’t think I was telling the truth. I half was.”
Okay, here's what I need help on.
What kind of speices should Zeal be?
Do you like it? What needs to be fixed?
How can I make this more original, and my story?
Any ideas for the story? Like, to make it more likable?
Is this good enough to put on another part?