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posted by karpach_14
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said...Well, you have succeeded.

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
added by melikhan
added by simpleplan
added by xSHOCKYx
added by Galbraith
added by xxxmermaidsxxx
posted by invadercalliope
CCAALLIIOOPPEE
CCHHAANNEELL!
HIA EVERYBODY!
I'm your host InvaderCalliope!
Well i'm going to sing! *sings*
WELL AS YOU KNOW I GET TONS AND TONS OF FAN LETTERS! NOW I WILL READ ONE TO YOU!
The Letter reads:Big hello to InvaderCalliope on this show i allways see a new guest star so i was wondering how do you do it?
YOU WANNA KNOW BECAUSE ITS AN HONOR TO BE ON THIS SHOW BEING ON THIS SHOW AS ME AS THE HOST!
Well todays guest star is..............KEEF!
Keef:HI EVERYONE I HOPE ZIM AND DIB ARE WATCHING THERE MY BEST FRIENDS!
InvaderCalliope:You know your friends are going to think your pathetic.
Keef:WHAT!
InvaderCalliope:You herd me if you make them know your there whole world there going to use you!
OH NO WERE OUTTA TIME!
WELL BYE!
BUT FIRST PLZ ENJOY TODAYS SPECAIL PICTURE!
BYE ME!
posted by invadercalliope
*music*
Nazonazo mitai ni
chikyuugi wo tokiakashitara
Minna de doko made mo ikeru ne
*music*
Wakuwaku shitai to negainagara sugoshiteta yo
Kanaetekureta no wa dare nano?
Jikan no hate made boooon!!
Wa-pu de ru-pu
na kono omoi wa
Nani mo kamo wo makikonda souzou de asobou
Aru hareta hi no koto
Mahou ijou no yukai
ga
Kagirinaku furisosogu fukanou janai wa
*music*
Ashita mata au toki warai nagara hamingu
Ureshisa wo atsumeyou
Kantan nanda yo
konna no
Oikakete ne tsukamaete mite
Ooki na yume
yume suki deshou?
*music*
Iroiro yosou ga
dekisou de dekinai
mirai
Some demo hitotsu
dake wakaru yo
*music*
Kirakira hikatte atsui
kumo...
continue reading...
posted by TDItwin
here is something funny to try get 2 of your freinds together and put on this random ninger play (sorry if i offend you i herd this some were and its been in my mind for a month so i thought td post it here)

sioki:saska saska are you in there this is your consious speaking ...moo..live with it!

saska:sorry being an emo makes it hard to concentrat on ninger traing

sapa:i know what you mean every bodys always telling me to...

sioki:SHUT UP sapa we all have arational hate for you !!

sapa:what i havent done enything yet??

sioki:we still hate you !!

sapa: dose saska hate me too?

sioki:no hes an emo he has no emotins except for the one that is emo ...GOD WHY DO YOU EXSIST?!?!

sapa:what the i havent done enything to deserve this kind of treatment

sioki:STOP EXISTING!!

saska:*starts beatboxing*

saps+sioki:*join in*
this gose on for 5 seconds till you all cry total ninger theme song
look at them
look at them
posted by black_magics
1.The 'poke' button on facebook is awesome...
But I think there should be a 'stab' button...

2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS
the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it.

3. anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

4.Text someone and tell them "Hey, I lost my phone, can you call it?"
and see how many people call it

5. 3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape,
and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time you turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him or her that you’ve lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he or she has anything...
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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the oven on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add...
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posted by Delilah_Scruggs
NOTE: These "facts" have not necessarily been verified. They are just for fun.

1.If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

2.San Francisco cable cars are the only National Monuments that move.

3.Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

4.A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.

5.More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (300 million).

6.For every person on earth, there are an estimated...
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72 things Guys should know about Girls <3...


1. Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

2. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.

3. When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her.

4. Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her.

5. Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

6. Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

7. Tease her and let her tease you back.

8. Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

9. Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

10. Give her the world.

11. Let her wear your clothes....
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1. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

5. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

6. Guys love their moms or grandmas.

7. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

8. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

9. Beware. Guys can make gossips...
continue reading...
added by emma-janee
added by RoohWinchester
Source: www.damnyouautocorrect.com
posted by dodo4
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare



The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.
- Lao Tzu

Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The cave you...
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FHM Magazine released a list a few years back of the 50 worst t.v. characters of all time. I think it mostly pertains to sitcoms. So what do you all think? Agree? Disagree? Think they are missing people or that any of these people shouldn't be on the list?

50. Ross Gellar - Friends
49. Wilbur Post - Mister Ed
48. Janet Wood - Three's Company
47. Dwayne Wayne - A Different World
46. Jimmy Glick - Primetime Glick
45. The Professor - Gilligan's Island
44. Gomer Pyle - Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
43. Paul Shaffer - Late Show With David Letterman
42. Edna Garrett - The Facts of Life
41. Jessie Spano - Saved By The...
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not by me n thnx for readinnnnnnnnnn........♥♥

ll around us, everyday, there are two groups of people that many believe to be different. Not so! Teen-agers and Seniors have a lot in common. If it's accidentally putting their shoe on the wrong foot or putting their foot in their mouth, there are instances of conduct that are very similar in both groups.

For example:

Both groups like to hang out at fast food restaurants and shopping malls.

Both groups have developed their own "walk."

Both groups like to wear clothing that doesn't fit well.

Both groups seem to have questionable facial hair.

Both...
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Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
Hit strangers with your flutter board.
Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....".
Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
Swim near a stranger and say,...
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