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These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
posted by yukikiyruu
Sleeping Beauty: Perfect for the sleepyheads.
Dolly Wholly: This name is perfect for the well-dressed girl.
Honey Bunny: Ideal for your playful girlfriend.
Cutsie Wootsie: This cute name is excellent to say when you are pinching her cheeks with both hands.
Pretty Eyes: If your girlfriend has crystal-clear, beautiful eyes, then you may call her by this cute name.
Princess: It is a perfect name for your girlfriend, if she has that little girl spirit.
Pumpkin: This name can be used for casual moments.
Doll Face: This name is perfect for a girl with a cute face.
Beautiful: It is a simple but effective...
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hi, i'm kairi. i felt bored and just decided to give up my acquired knowledge for those of you who need a little help with being more popular on fanpop/ are bored and just feel like reading something.

1. consider something someone might want to take part in. some of the most popular answers have to do with games or something of the sort. this is because they sound interesting to a fan, so they'll click it.

2. ask the fans about themself. people like talking about themselves and sharing interesting stories, it's human nature.

3. think about what you're asking. think about the subject's popularity....
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EF PEPLE CONTNUU 2 WRIT LYK DIS I WILL ART FLIPIN OUT!
Translation: If people continue to write like this I will start flipping out!

....Now there's two points alone in that sentence and those points were horrible spelling and the constant abuse of the caps lock. Most people continue doing these two things to get on everyone's nerves. I can understand that some people writing this way if he/she had dyslexia or someone learning to speak English and hasn't quite grasped it yet or if you're texting someone on your phone(that can be a real pain), but there's absolutely no excuse for the rest of us...
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posted by AnimeFan66
1. Always have kindness with you. If you have no kindness, then you're no better than anyone else.

2. Always listen to what your friends have to explain. If they have a proublem and need to explain it to you, stop what you're doing and listen to them carefully.

3. Be respectfull. Using respect will let the person know who you are or what they think you are.

4. Never curse at your friends. It will lead to arguments, breakouts, and maybe even sleepless nights or bad days.

5. Always lend a hand. If you're friends are having a prouble, feel free to lend a hand for them. But remeber to ask them if...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Agapanthus africanus
Family: Amaryllidaceae
Common names: ~Lily of the Nile~ ~Blue African Lily ~ ~African Lily~

Agapanthus originates from South Africa. The scientific name refers to the Greek word ~agape~ for ~love~ and ~anthos~ for ~ flower.~

The lily-like florets clustered on a long, thick leafless stem are available year-round in purple and white.
Agapanthus is sensitive to the presence of ethylene gas. This flower should be kept away from naturally occurring gas, i.e. ripening fruit.

Agave americana L.
Family: Agavaceae
Common Names: ~Century Plant ~ ~West Indian Daggerlog ~ ~Rattlesnake-master~...
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posted by invadercalliope
I HOPE YOU ENJOY!
dora!
boots!
come on dora!

do-do-do-do-dora!
do-do-do-do-dora!
do-do-do-do-dora!
do-do-do-do-dora!
lets go!
dora dora dora the explorer!
DORA!
boots and supercool exploradora!

we need your help!

grab your backpack!
lets go!
jump in!
vamonos!


you can lead the way!

hey! hey!

do-do-dora!
do-d-dora!

swiper no swiping!
swiper no swiping! (oh man)

it;s dora the explorer!
--------------------------------------------------
dora dora
ven, ven
dora dora la exploradora
dale con el sol pequeña dora
vamos salta tu puedes niña
consulta a tu mapa
tutu dora tutu dora tutu dora
lets go
The End!
posted by BeautysOverated
:)
:)
1.    Run to the top of the Eiffel Tower
2.    Eat snails in France
3.    Go to Hollywood
4.    Climb the Statue of Liberty
5.    Gamble in Vegas
6.    Attend a major sporting event
7.    Attempt to catch the ball at the Superbowl
8.    Drive across America –> coast to coast
9.    Go to the pyramids in Egypt
10.    Ride a camel in the desert
11.    Climb Uluru
12.    Spend...
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posted by cute20k
Do you have a dirty mind?

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?







A dentist

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?






A wedding ring

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?






Peanut butter

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?






Chewing gum

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?






An elevator

6. I...
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posted by invadercalliope
These quotes are Quotes with differnt meanings of ferret or just the animal.
“If a ferret bites you it is nearly always your own fault.”
“To go rabbit hunting with a dead ferret"
“I'm not sure what the views are. I had a private conversation and I did get a feeling ? a feeling. Well, you can't take a feeling to the bank. So, it's up to me to try to ferret it out.”
“I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.”
“You need that U.N. inspection team in there on the ground. They're the people that can find it and ferret it out,”
“We still have a lot of work to do, and we still have to work on recovering prairie dog populations so the ferrets can survive.”
The End!
After spending hours alone and together Miki and Hei come out.Once both out she lead Hei to her personal weapon room "wow you own every last weapon here?" "yep and trust me its not easy hiding this big room" she shows him each one and show him how to use them all.After that they both chose three weapons and fought for a vary long time (A.K.A 5 hours) Luka (Miki's twin brother)got home to see that his sister on the floor laughing and giggling and with a big smile on her face "well well well who do we have here little miss 'i don't need a boyfriend' on the floor with a guy" "Luka?! so not cool...
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posted by invadercalliope
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodi dam
Dam dadi doo dam dam
didoodi dam
*music*
When the morning
come come
I'm dancing like
you're dumb dumb
And when the groove
is high
When dummies jump
to sky
If you feel the groove
groove
The dummies have to
move move
Can you feel the beat? The beat?
The beat?
You never tell me
what is wrong
Cause now it's time to be alone
Let me love you
everyday
So long you let the dummies play
Dance to the
beat dance
dance to the beat
Dance to the
beat dance
dance to the beat
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodidam
Dam dadi doo
dam dam
didoodidam
Dam dadi...
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posted by EmzLovesCheryl
Why not smile? You can always find a reason to smile, believe it or not. You can say that your life is the worst, you can find a hundred reasons to prove that your life sucks, but I bet you anything, that if you let yourself search, you can find a thousand reasons to smile. Whether it's a person, a memory, a possession, you can always find something worth living for.

So many people spend their lives hating, complaining, moaning, but really, what's the point? Of course, everyone has off days, everyone gets angry, upset, annoyed, but you don't need to spend your whole life living like that. Everyone...
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(I EDITED THIS A LITTLE SO I COULD ADRESS SOME OTHER STEREOTYPES THAT I THINK ARE WRONG and EXTREMELY HURTFUL!!!!)

In the world of stereotypes...


I HAVE CURVES, so I MUST be a fat-ass.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm BRITISH, so I MUST talk like a butler.

I DON'T WEAR SKIRTS, so I MUST be a tom-boy.

I'm POOR, so I MUST be homeless.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHILE HE WAS TAKEN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I’M EMOTIONAL, so I MUST be looking...
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posted by LadyL68
♥If you're asking if I need you,♥
♥The answer is forever♥


♥If you're asking if I'll leave you♥
♥ The answer is never♥



♥If you're asking what I value,♥
♥The answer is you♥




♥If you're asking if I love you♥
♥The answer is I do♥








☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮

















READ THIS!!! I didn't write this poem, I found it earlier today.
posted by iamagagamonster
~~ dont be offended, i love bruno mars' music, he just walked into this trap~~

** follow the beat of just the way you are **

oh her eyes shadow makes her look like a clown and i hate it
her hair her hair looks like spiders live in it and its weird
shes so creepy
and i tell her everyday

oh i know i know when tell her this she won't believe me
and its so its so sad that she dont see what i see
but everytime she asks me "do i look ok" i say..

when i see your face, theres that perfect thing that i would change cos look at that mustache
girl you need to shave

and when you smile, the whole world ducks and...
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I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl who was kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother I was a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who held her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled night.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in a hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the...
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Answer their questions with questions

Ask if you they can put food color in the cheese.

Ask them to deliver it in a limo.

Ask to see a menu

Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again

Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

Ask for a deal available somewhere else.

Ask for the guy who took your order last time. Be sure to throw in a comment about his abs.

Ask if the pizza has had its shots

Ask if the pizza is organically grown

Ask if them for a free date with one of the staff if you make order over $30.

Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
In Japan,people use lots of smileys or emotions in their messaging.

While emoji (graphical presentations of emoticons) are probably most known, “kaomoji” (from “kao” = face, “moji” = character) are the Japanese version of Western/Eastern emoticons and there are practically endless variations available.

The biggest difference to the Western/Eastern and Japanese emotions is that they read horizontally and you don’t need to turn your head to understand them.

For example the Western/Eastern emoticon for “Happy” looks like this :-)/:) while the Japanese version looks like this (^_^).

Do you use these emotions or others in your emails?

Here are some examples:

(^_^) happy

(((º Д º ;))) scared

(-´´-;) problems

(>_<) angry

(?_?) confused

(-.-)zzZ sleepy

(^ _^;) embarrassed

(^O^) very happy

(T_T) sad

(^ ε ^) kiss
-See more emotions here: link
1) wacg alote of T.V. or be on the computer a long time
2) don't eat food that can make you sleepy
3) drink a lot of soda or crush
4) gety near load stuff or equipment
5) kepp your lights on
6) try not to close your eyes at a late hour
7) don't lay down
8) wach a scary movie
EX: Cucky Nightmare on elms street orphan
10) eat choclat and other stuff to make you hiper



those are some ways to stay up till midnight on New years eve.


plz writ a commet to tell me what you did on the list

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE EVERYONE!
Top 25 Ways To Drive Your Roommate Crazy

1. Every time you wake up, start yelling, “Oh, my God! Where the
hell am I?!” and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go
back to bed. If yourroommate asks, say you don’t know what
he/she is talking about.

2. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, “I can’t live in the same
room with you,” storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid
of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever
again.

3. Buy a Jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the
clown...
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