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posted by karpach_14
A single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris was found to quench the thirst of an entire african village for 23 straight days. Subsequently, an olympic athlete from that village was disqualified from his event for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Chuck Norris can read lady Gaga's poker face.

Chuck Norris says the alphabet faster backwards then you can say it fowards.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't dream he lives it.

In an alternate universe, Chuck Norris is just a myth. However, he pwns people there anyways.

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the beer gets drunk.

Ninjas want...
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posted by d3ath_3at3r
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was, "where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently, it's Africa.


One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.
It appears that Nigerians and Jamaicans is not the correct answer.


I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod, after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.


There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in Toronto but I've been banned from it, after asking to look at some bomber jackets.


You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles,...
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posted by RulerL0rd
Ghetto Names

Mostly popular with the poorer sections of the communities in the United States, ghetto names are becoming more common.
These are some ghetto names sent to us by our readers:

Aalissah , Aarionda , AbbyYoYo , Abcd , Abrianna , Adaizala , Aereana , Ajavalon , Akeebu , Akwante , Alamarion , Alashawndre , Alashema , Alezeisha , Aliciandra , Alveonta , Amabufu , Amanisha , Ambrisha , Amereazanisha , Amiracle , Amonteosha , Ananchalant , Anfernee , Angenique , Annestonisha , Antonyishia , Antwanae , Antwanique , Antwonisha , Anukware , Aquamaquisha , Aquanasia , Aquanetta , Aquaniqua ,...
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Found this on Google. Hope it makes ya laugh.

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares,…”and see what happens.

3. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

4. Find one of the workers who is making a pyramid or a display of something and as soon as they are finished with it, ask for the thing that’s on the bottom and have a panic attack until they give it to you.

5. Get on the loud speaker and declare a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”

6....
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added by KateKicksAss
added by Rodz
Source: google.com
added by ladolcevita
Source: Hmmm... Um,well EW.com, Everglow, Mugglenet, me!, forgot the last
previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Tina Unlocked the door to their house and they all walked inside then Peter put the Teddy bear on the self after that they all got hungery so Tina went to the shops to get some food while Peter and Jenni were playing Uno they heard a crash in the kitchen and ran over there they got a big shock when they saw how messy the kitchen was when Tina got home she saw what the kitchen was like and she got a big shock herself then while they all were thinking of a plan to see who did this to their home the Teddy bear was hiding in the kitchen cupboard as it chuckled...
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15) They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

14) This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in the last
time-management course you sent me to.

13) Whew! Guess I left the top off of the Liquid Paper.

12) I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.

11) This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

10) I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

9) I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.
Are you discriminating against people who practice yoga?

8) I was doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise...
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dear diary, today was the worst - first a car ran over my lunch so i had to rob somebody's lunch money, second i got a F on my history paper, third mrs perrywinkle slaped me with her belt serosly this is the 21 centery your not aloud to slap teenagers with belts, and forth when i got home my history paper fell out of my bag and my mother picked it up and started reading it so what did i do, i rushed upstairs into my room 1 second later i hear my mother scream off the top of her lungs LILLY GET YOU BUT DOWN HERE...NOW!!!!!!!! god i said, so i go down. what is this she said uuummm my homework...
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posted by kinga10111
..... Random Facts .....

If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.


President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.


In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.


Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.


The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties...
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1.Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

2.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

3.There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

4.The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

5.A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

6.There are more chickens than people in the world.

7.Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

8.The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

9.On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

10.All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on...
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Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo...
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INT. A SHOPPING MALL WE'VE USED BEFORE - DAY.

The mall. Teenage girls bury their heads in piles of clothes and giggle. A Sale Sign goes up and they scream. Mothers drag kids by their heels. As the people pass by, they glance uncomfortably at something off-screen then hurry along. The children point, faces uncomprehending.

Pan over to find ZIM and GIR in a dark corner, near a waste receptacle, dressed as clowns. ZIM just stares out evilly at the passing people. GIR simply stares, holding balloons.

ZIM (to GIR)
Look at them, GIR. THEY think we are clowns. But we are not clowns.

GIR gasps in shock....
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Ashimoto ni kaze hikari ga matta nichijou ni dake tsumotta bun no kiseki ga
Miagereba kumo tooku e no kiro osanai hi no jibun yori mo hayaku
Yukidoke o matte ita kodomo no you ni hashiru
Hikaru shizuku tobihaneteru
Asu no deai sae kizukazu ni iru kisetsu-tachi no naka de kagayaite iru yo

Sekaijuu ni wa donna omoi mo kanau hi ga kuru
Zutto tabi o shite yuku bokura ni chiisana sei-tachi maioriru

Deatta basho mo midori o nashite yuruyaka ni mo nagareru toki ni yudanete
Haruka ni aogu machinami no roji osanai hi no jibun ga mada kakeru
Ano yuuhodou kara kikoete kuru kigi no koe ya hibi no zawameki...
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posted by cute20k
Okay, I don't really cry a lot but these quotes are all a little sad. They're in no particular order.

1. "A million words wouldnt bring you back, I know because I tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried."

2. "When you're in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut, it will heal with time but the scars will never fade"

3. "What happens when he's your prince charming, but you're not his cinderella?"

4. "The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned"

5. "You probably won't remember me. I'm probably ancient history. I'm one...
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1. Pretend to fall down and wait till someone says "Are you OK?" Then say "I'M A MONSTER!!" And see what happens
2. Walk up to a complete stranger and say "Hey, I liked your video on youtube!"
3. If it's Halloween go to the costume section and grab a Halloween bag and go up to a random person and say "Trick or treat!"
3. Go to a crowded aisle and if you know it sing the song "Party like a rock star"
4. Follow a customer and put in items in hisher cart and say "Ready for checkout!"
5. When you see a old guy then point and say "Its Shakira!!"
6. Go up to an old man and say "MOMMY!! I HAVEN'T...
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posted by spunkyonyx
Hey guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the source if available. Any others you may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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posted by KateKicksAss
Credit: I found these online, and they made me smile. As you can see, I clearly didn’t make them up. Thought of course, If I had, I wouldn’t be claiming they were someone elses…Never mind..

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
–Sue Murphy

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak...
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posted by TVD_rocks
10. Sing “Bad Touch” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.

9.Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues

8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.

7.End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”

6. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”

5.Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween

4. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you.

3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.

2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.

1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.