Snape finds the school calm and quiet, and he is relieved that it is so. He sometimes, just sometimes, longs for the old days, though; the Quidditch rivalry with McGonagall, the friendly debates over the best uses for verbena with Sprout, the surprisingly spontaneous conversations with Madame Hooch, and the talks with Dumbledore that just aren't the same anymore. He heard a song once by that Muggle band The Beatles called In My Life; it has always haunted him. First, it was about Lily, then gradually, as the years have passed, it has come to have so much more meaning. Sometimes, when he's alone in his bedchamber, the song comes to him as do the tears, and he fears his resolve will waver and courage fail before the end.
But when those moments are the worst, he reminds himself of how many living people, people he calls friend (some he would gladly if they'd just let him), and the precious two he deeply loves; he reminds himself of these people, and of what Lily died for, and his resolve is only strengthened. He will go on; Severus Snape will persevere. Not because he has to, but because he wants to.
He reaches his office and hesitates before thinking the password; there's someone in there, his senses tell him, then he sighs; he knows who it is, and he's been expecting this, expecting this and dreading it. "Better now than later," he mumbles, then thinks Thornberry Templar and the mechanism turns to allow him passage. He finds her leaning against the desk, her back to him, her face turned to Dumbledore's empty portrait. He has a very sudden, very bad feeling..."Minerva? What--" she turns quickly and he sees her eyes are red and puffy. She's been crying, obviously, and he goes to her side.
"Tell me what has happened," he says softly and kindly helps her to a chair. "Oh, Severus," she says as she steadies herself in the chair as he takes his, "I just don't understand what is going on! Nothing has been certain since Albus died, except that we're all in great danger. I trust you, Severus, I do, but you leave at a moment's notice so often now, and I don't know where you go...it's none of my business, I know, but what if something were to happen? And even Albus," she gestures toward the empty portrait, "he said he had to look for something!" Snape rises quickly and goes to the cabinet, opens it and reaches for the brandy. He pours one for each of them, then hands hers to her and sits back down.
He knows he owes her an explanation.
He thinks carefully on how to begin, when a thin, waspy voice from the corner pipes up, "Severus, do tell us what's happened to you friend!" Snape looks at Phineas Nigellus as Dilys Derwent asks if 'the girl' is alright. He nods slightly and tells them that she is fine. McGonagall pauses in mid-drink and looks at Snape. "Girl?" He allows himself a brief smile and tells McGonagall, "her name is Elsbet," he pulls out the sketch he did of her and places it on the desk. "She is my Agent in the Muggle world." McGonagall finishes her brandy and blinks. "Your what?" He hears the returning Dumbledore ask someone if Elsbet was ok, then hears the Elder wizard say he's quite relieved. "She keeps me informed of the effects of the Dark Lord's activities on--" he stops himself, then says, "the outlying Muggle settlements."
Oh, McGonagall knows Snape well enough to know when he's keeping something back, but she does not hold it against him. If anything, she admires it. "Minerva," he says directly, "if I am away, and I have not told you why, I am likely with her. If you need to reach me, there is a raven in the Owlery, his name is Loki; there is no need to write a message, just speak, and he will deliver it." McGonagall is certain there is more to the relationship than this Elsbet being his 'agent'; otherwise, why would the past Headmasters and Headmistresses be so keen on her welfare? Especially Phineas Nigellus Black...
They talk for a short time longer, then, feeling greatly relieved, McGonagall leaves the Headmaster's office and goes back to her room. As soon as the office reseals itself, Phineas Nigellus asks, "why didn't you tell her about The White City, Severus? She is the Deputy Headmistress and quite beyond reproach!" Snape nods. "Yes, she is, that is why I told her what I did, but about The White City I can say nothing." Phineas Nigellus snorts. "But the werewolf knows about it," he complains waspishly, and Dumbledore replies, "that is because Remus and his wife have a place there should they wish it."
Snape turns and looks at Dumbledore's portrait. "Sir, did you find what you were looking for?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkle and he smiles widely. "Oh yes. It was right where I'd left it, all those years ago. Of course, the poor Muggle maid was quite frightened to have a portrait speaking to her." All the portraits chatter with shock, surprise, disbelief, and some even laugh. "I'm not surprised one whit," Phineas Nigellus says, "you always were very crafty, Albus." Snape gazes at his friend with great respect. "Where...where was it, sir?" Dumbledore laughs mirthfully. "Why, Boleskine House, of course! Aleister's old mansion. It has been safely relocated to its new home."
Snape sighs and relaxes, shakes his head and allows himself a quiet laugh. He's not surprised either. He finishes his brandy, takes the sketch of Elsbet, and for the first time in a long while he wishes them all a good evening before slipping into the secret passageway that leads into his room.
But when those moments are the worst, he reminds himself of how many living people, people he calls friend (some he would gladly if they'd just let him), and the precious two he deeply loves; he reminds himself of these people, and of what Lily died for, and his resolve is only strengthened. He will go on; Severus Snape will persevere. Not because he has to, but because he wants to.
He reaches his office and hesitates before thinking the password; there's someone in there, his senses tell him, then he sighs; he knows who it is, and he's been expecting this, expecting this and dreading it. "Better now than later," he mumbles, then thinks Thornberry Templar and the mechanism turns to allow him passage. He finds her leaning against the desk, her back to him, her face turned to Dumbledore's empty portrait. He has a very sudden, very bad feeling..."Minerva? What--" she turns quickly and he sees her eyes are red and puffy. She's been crying, obviously, and he goes to her side.
"Tell me what has happened," he says softly and kindly helps her to a chair. "Oh, Severus," she says as she steadies herself in the chair as he takes his, "I just don't understand what is going on! Nothing has been certain since Albus died, except that we're all in great danger. I trust you, Severus, I do, but you leave at a moment's notice so often now, and I don't know where you go...it's none of my business, I know, but what if something were to happen? And even Albus," she gestures toward the empty portrait, "he said he had to look for something!" Snape rises quickly and goes to the cabinet, opens it and reaches for the brandy. He pours one for each of them, then hands hers to her and sits back down.
He knows he owes her an explanation.
He thinks carefully on how to begin, when a thin, waspy voice from the corner pipes up, "Severus, do tell us what's happened to you friend!" Snape looks at Phineas Nigellus as Dilys Derwent asks if 'the girl' is alright. He nods slightly and tells them that she is fine. McGonagall pauses in mid-drink and looks at Snape. "Girl?" He allows himself a brief smile and tells McGonagall, "her name is Elsbet," he pulls out the sketch he did of her and places it on the desk. "She is my Agent in the Muggle world." McGonagall finishes her brandy and blinks. "Your what?" He hears the returning Dumbledore ask someone if Elsbet was ok, then hears the Elder wizard say he's quite relieved. "She keeps me informed of the effects of the Dark Lord's activities on--" he stops himself, then says, "the outlying Muggle settlements."
Oh, McGonagall knows Snape well enough to know when he's keeping something back, but she does not hold it against him. If anything, she admires it. "Minerva," he says directly, "if I am away, and I have not told you why, I am likely with her. If you need to reach me, there is a raven in the Owlery, his name is Loki; there is no need to write a message, just speak, and he will deliver it." McGonagall is certain there is more to the relationship than this Elsbet being his 'agent'; otherwise, why would the past Headmasters and Headmistresses be so keen on her welfare? Especially Phineas Nigellus Black...
They talk for a short time longer, then, feeling greatly relieved, McGonagall leaves the Headmaster's office and goes back to her room. As soon as the office reseals itself, Phineas Nigellus asks, "why didn't you tell her about The White City, Severus? She is the Deputy Headmistress and quite beyond reproach!" Snape nods. "Yes, she is, that is why I told her what I did, but about The White City I can say nothing." Phineas Nigellus snorts. "But the werewolf knows about it," he complains waspishly, and Dumbledore replies, "that is because Remus and his wife have a place there should they wish it."
Snape turns and looks at Dumbledore's portrait. "Sir, did you find what you were looking for?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkle and he smiles widely. "Oh yes. It was right where I'd left it, all those years ago. Of course, the poor Muggle maid was quite frightened to have a portrait speaking to her." All the portraits chatter with shock, surprise, disbelief, and some even laugh. "I'm not surprised one whit," Phineas Nigellus says, "you always were very crafty, Albus." Snape gazes at his friend with great respect. "Where...where was it, sir?" Dumbledore laughs mirthfully. "Why, Boleskine House, of course! Aleister's old mansion. It has been safely relocated to its new home."
Snape sighs and relaxes, shakes his head and allows himself a quiet laugh. He's not surprised either. He finishes his brandy, takes the sketch of Elsbet, and for the first time in a long while he wishes them all a good evening before slipping into the secret passageway that leads into his room.