“But, I said I love you like the stars above, I’ll love you till I die,” I pleaded, desperately clutching to our relationship.
“Yes, I know that, but it’s just… well I don’t know how to explain it,” she responded in a bored and uncaring voice. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t. After a moment of silence, her voice came back through the receiver, and said, “I guess this is good bye. Please, don’t try and keep in touch. There was a click and then silence on the other end. Now I just heard my steady breathing coming through the static in the telephone.
I slowly hung up the phone. Feeling a rush of doubt, regret and confusion, I threw myself down on the gigantic bed that sat against the wall of my bedroom. I hit the play button on the remote to turn on my iPod and sure enough the first song to come on was “Romeo and Juliet” by Dire Straits. I lay on my stomach; head buried in the pillow and let the lyrics seep into me. Every syllable, every beat every rhythm just sank deeper and deeper into my mind and filled my head with images of her, of my beloved Jenny. Mark Knopfler really must have known what he was talking about when he sang this song. The pure emotion in it just made me want to cry and never see the light of day again. When the song came to a close on the final sweet, everlasting, and lovely note, I got up, turned the speakers off, and then called the guys. I seriously needed a jam session now. I really needed to focus on something else. Ronnie, Dave, and Mark were all very excited to come over and sent their condolences to my heart.
Once the guys were over and I had the microphone in my hand and the synthesizer at my feet, I was lost, lost in the rhythm of the song, lost to the world, deep in thought, trying to forget Jenny. But for some reason every time I forgot her, something would remind me of Jenny, then get me going again. It was either the song we were singing, or the joke Ronnie was cracking, or the car that just drove down the Strip. No matter what happened, every second of every moment just got worse and worse as all of these random reminders passed me by. Finally I couldn’t handle it anymore. I threw the mike down and covered my ears and closed my eyes. The guys suddenly stopped and ran over to my distressful figure that was crouched on the ground. The pain was unbearable, I know it’s only the first day, but I already missed her so much. Jenny was my life, my world, my being. I thought she was the one. But it turns out I was wrong.
“Are you okay?’’ Dave asked in a worried tone. I tried blocking them out, but my head was filled with only images of Jenny that right now, staying out of my mind would be best.
“Brandon, come on, stop that, it’s really freaky,” Ronnie said in a scared voice. I finally lifted my head and uncovered my ears and opened my eyes. The only thing I could see were blurred images of the other guys with worried looks on their faces. Tears were now spilling out of my eyes and rolling down my face. I couldn’t help it. I just knelt there in front of them, blubbering like a child, not caring how girly I looked.
“Brandon what’s wrong? What happened?” Mark asked calmly. I looked up at him. I could barely make out his features because my eyes were still filled with tears. Wiping my eyes, I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. They looked at each other with worried expressions, then back at me.
“Brandon what happened? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Jennifer?” Ronnie inquired. I choked on the lump that was in my throat when he said her name. Just then realization washed over their faces.
“Oh, my God, she’s dead!” Ronnie exclaimed. I just stared back at him with big round eyes.
“No you idiot,” Mark said, smacking Ronnie on the head, “It’s obvious they broke up.” I let out a cry full of anguish and it was then that all of them truly understood my position.
“Come on Brandon, it couldn’t have been that bad. I mean you were only together for what, three months?” Ronnie said.
“Actually it was two and half years,” Dave corrected.
Ronnie whistled and said, “Wow that long already? Time sure does fly by.” I looked up at the three of them pleadingly. I needed consoling, but I knew none of them would do the job. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I was lost, my mind was barren. No thoughts could form. I did the only thing I could do. I slowly stood up, looked each one of them in the eye, turned on my heel, and walked out the door. No one followed me, which was a good thing. I needed to be alone.
I walked briskly down the Strip, ignoring all the glitz and glam surrounding me, bypassing pedestrians that were so caught up with the city, they didn’t even notice the pick pockets sneaking up behind them. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept walking, and never looked back. My head was all jumbled and I was a mess. My mind told me that I should move on, but my heart kept telling me that I still loved Jennifer. This was one of the worst situations I’ve been in. IT’s so terrible, it’s-it’s a quagmire of epic proportions. My mind was trying to pursue the correct answer, but it just couldn’t find anything. I paced up and down the sidewalk in front of the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, searching for clues to this mind boggling mystery. I sat down on a bench out front and worked out all of pros and cons of the situation. It turns out that the pros outweighed the cons. I decided I needed a drink so I went inside and headed straight for the bar. I ordered a Get Jenny and sat at the bar for a while, allowing the bitter taste of the drink to ferment in my mouth.
The drink made my state of melancholia deepen. Pretty soon I ordered more and more drinks. I drank until I could feel absolutely nothing. By the time was done, the sky was dark, the Strip was ablaze with neon, glitz and glamour, and the casino was filled with colorful people. All around was a flashy display of drugs, sex, and money. But that’s all everything is about. Those three components make up people’s daily lives. It’s sad and pathetic. Thinking of this made me feel more poignant. This state of cheerlessness was getting old real fast. I decided I’d try to pass the time by gambling, so I sat at a blackjack table and just played.
I played and drank all night long, losing myself in the multitude of people. It was really late, but the casino was still full of life. About halfway through a game, Ronnie came running up to me, tapping me on the shoulder, begging me to come with him. But I was astray; completely unaware of what was going on. By this point I wasn’t sure if it was the melancholy, alcohol or a mixture of the two.
“Brandon, come on, let’s go. We’ve been running all over town looking for you,” Ronnie declared, except I ignored him. I continued to play the game, humming an off key tune loudly.
“Brandon let’s go. We’re all worried. The guys will want to know what you’ve been up to for the past twelve hours,” he urged. I still ignored him. Ronnie was on his cell probably calling back up. Ronnie stood over my shoulder and watched me kick ass at a few games, until Dave and Mark finally showed up.
Ronnie and Dave grabbed my shoulders and started to pull me away. I tried to squirm out of their grasp, but resistance was futile. Mark grabbed my winnings and followed closely behind the three of us. We got out of the Hard Rock, and then headed toward my apartment. Once inside of my place, the guys threw me on the black leather couch and grabbed seats all around me. Dave sat right across from me and looked my strait in the eye. He was very serious; he looked like a parent about to scold a child. His dark frizzy curls seemed to make his eyes look wild, almost psychotic.
“Brandon, we all know that Jenny was your absolute soul mate, and that you two would last for a very long time. However, she dumped you, and you got to let go. I know she was your world, but you can’t go on like this. Obviously you’re not her sun anymore; she found a new star to orbit around,” Dave said in a serene, soothing voice. I looked at him with sunken eyes. My mouth opened slightly, but I couldn’t speak. I was too tired and too wasted to do anything about it, because truthfully he was right. I couldn’t go on like this. I needed to get over her.
“I’ll tell you what,” Mark said interrupting, “We’ll go out tomorrow. We’ve got that gig anyway. Then right after we can go a few clubs, maybe even a strip joint or two.” I just nodded my head spinning.
I pushed myself off the couch and tried to stand. I couldn’t I lost my balance, but Ronnie caught me, and then helped me into my bed. Before he left, he promised they would all be over first thing tomorrow morning to practice and stuff. I didn’t say anything. My vision was distorted, my head hurt as did my stomach, and the whole world seemed as if it was rotating way too fast.
The next morning I woke up and the sun was shining brightly threw the bedroom windows. I got up, but quickly lay back down. My head felt like it was splitting open. My mouth tasted nasty, like a cross between stale beer and day old pizza. I tried getting up again, this time with success. I stumbled into the bathroom to discover that the toilet was filled with vomit. Last night must have been rough. I quickly flushed the toilet. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. My dark eyes looked wild with gray rings underneath. My black hair was a mess, it kind of looked like Dave’s, and there was some sort of crust dried along the side of my face. I quickly got ready and went to get some coffee. Dave, Mark, and Ronnie were already here and had coffee made. We all ate breakfast together then started practicing. Surprisingly I hadn’t thought about Jenny the entire day. In fact it was as if I forgot her completely.
Once night time came, we loaded up and headed to the tiny club we were playing at. I knew I was starting to come out of my cage, but something told me there was a rather large pitfall awaiting me. The club was on the small side, but still got some decent customers. Once on the stage, in front of everybody, everything was going great. I had no worries, no depression, nothing. I just felt alive. But when I looked up into the back corner of the room, I saw a familiar face. It was Jenny, with a, a man. She looked amazing. But a wave of rage washed over me. I was mad. She had dumped me for this! It was aggravating. Something deep inside said I had to do something about it. Once we were done I made a b-line for the table they were sitting at. But I stopped myself. Instead I went to the bar and had a few drinks. Already I was tipsy. Now I knew I could do anything. The rest of the band caught up with me, but I just ignored them and headed straight for Jennifer. Once at the table, I yelled and screamed and cried a little. That’s when the manager came over and kicked me out. Instead of waiting for the others, I got in a taxi and drove home.
A home I opened a bottle of tequila and just drank. Images of Jenny and that guy kept playing over and over again in my mind. I began to doze, and more images were forming. They were smoking together, and then they went to bed. She was touching his chest, he took off her dress. The entire thing made my stomach churn, it killed me, I could hardly bare to keep watching. Just the thought of the two of them made me die. This nightmare went on all night long, until I just couldn’t bear it any longer. I got up, walked out the door and got in a cab. I had my revenge all planned out. It would be the perfect crime.
When the cab stopped I slowly got up and swerved and swayed up to the front door, it was unlocked so I let myself in. The only thing I could think of was Jenny in a short skirt and how beautiful she looked. I maneuvered through the dark rooms as if I had lived here all my life. I made my way up the staircase where the chandelier was on and swaying in the breeze that filled the house. I crept up and found what I was looking for. She looked so beautiful in the warm glow that shone from the background. I dragged her out of bed very carefully. But I had to stop under the chandelier because her eyes flew open.
I panicked and before I could think, I grabbed the pillow that was on the nearby chair and smothered her face. Her body soon fell limp and cold. I knew I had finished the task. But before I could leave I stopped. There was a shadowy figure in the other room. I stepped closer and before I knew it everything was pitch black.
I walk up some time later, only I was now in a police station. I couldn’t remember a thing. I was disoriented and a bit scared. I didn’t know what to do. Just then a man came out and ushered me into a room with a table and two chairs. I sat down and didn’t move. Then another person came in and began questioning me. I couldn’t answer him though. I truthfully had no idea what happened. I told the officer that there was no motive for the crime and that Jenny was a friend of mine. Fortunately they believed me and let me go. Only I didn’t know what to do so I spent the night there. When I awoke the next morning the events that took place last night slowly began to come back.
It was then I realized I really did kill Jenny. It was my entire fault me and my stupid plan. I didn’t mean to kill her; it must have been the alcohol influence on my brain. This was terrible now I had no one, just myself and a couple of band mates. My whole world was over. The sun has burned out and life as I know it has ceased. Now the only thing I can do is go home and take the bourbon off the shelf, to drink it by myself, and love her endlessly, even though I’ll never be truly satisfied.
“Yes, I know that, but it’s just… well I don’t know how to explain it,” she responded in a bored and uncaring voice. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t. After a moment of silence, her voice came back through the receiver, and said, “I guess this is good bye. Please, don’t try and keep in touch. There was a click and then silence on the other end. Now I just heard my steady breathing coming through the static in the telephone.
I slowly hung up the phone. Feeling a rush of doubt, regret and confusion, I threw myself down on the gigantic bed that sat against the wall of my bedroom. I hit the play button on the remote to turn on my iPod and sure enough the first song to come on was “Romeo and Juliet” by Dire Straits. I lay on my stomach; head buried in the pillow and let the lyrics seep into me. Every syllable, every beat every rhythm just sank deeper and deeper into my mind and filled my head with images of her, of my beloved Jenny. Mark Knopfler really must have known what he was talking about when he sang this song. The pure emotion in it just made me want to cry and never see the light of day again. When the song came to a close on the final sweet, everlasting, and lovely note, I got up, turned the speakers off, and then called the guys. I seriously needed a jam session now. I really needed to focus on something else. Ronnie, Dave, and Mark were all very excited to come over and sent their condolences to my heart.
Once the guys were over and I had the microphone in my hand and the synthesizer at my feet, I was lost, lost in the rhythm of the song, lost to the world, deep in thought, trying to forget Jenny. But for some reason every time I forgot her, something would remind me of Jenny, then get me going again. It was either the song we were singing, or the joke Ronnie was cracking, or the car that just drove down the Strip. No matter what happened, every second of every moment just got worse and worse as all of these random reminders passed me by. Finally I couldn’t handle it anymore. I threw the mike down and covered my ears and closed my eyes. The guys suddenly stopped and ran over to my distressful figure that was crouched on the ground. The pain was unbearable, I know it’s only the first day, but I already missed her so much. Jenny was my life, my world, my being. I thought she was the one. But it turns out I was wrong.
“Are you okay?’’ Dave asked in a worried tone. I tried blocking them out, but my head was filled with only images of Jenny that right now, staying out of my mind would be best.
“Brandon, come on, stop that, it’s really freaky,” Ronnie said in a scared voice. I finally lifted my head and uncovered my ears and opened my eyes. The only thing I could see were blurred images of the other guys with worried looks on their faces. Tears were now spilling out of my eyes and rolling down my face. I couldn’t help it. I just knelt there in front of them, blubbering like a child, not caring how girly I looked.
“Brandon what’s wrong? What happened?” Mark asked calmly. I looked up at him. I could barely make out his features because my eyes were still filled with tears. Wiping my eyes, I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. They looked at each other with worried expressions, then back at me.
“Brandon what happened? Is everything okay? Did something happen to Jennifer?” Ronnie inquired. I choked on the lump that was in my throat when he said her name. Just then realization washed over their faces.
“Oh, my God, she’s dead!” Ronnie exclaimed. I just stared back at him with big round eyes.
“No you idiot,” Mark said, smacking Ronnie on the head, “It’s obvious they broke up.” I let out a cry full of anguish and it was then that all of them truly understood my position.
“Come on Brandon, it couldn’t have been that bad. I mean you were only together for what, three months?” Ronnie said.
“Actually it was two and half years,” Dave corrected.
Ronnie whistled and said, “Wow that long already? Time sure does fly by.” I looked up at the three of them pleadingly. I needed consoling, but I knew none of them would do the job. I didn’t know who I could turn to. I was lost, my mind was barren. No thoughts could form. I did the only thing I could do. I slowly stood up, looked each one of them in the eye, turned on my heel, and walked out the door. No one followed me, which was a good thing. I needed to be alone.
I walked briskly down the Strip, ignoring all the glitz and glam surrounding me, bypassing pedestrians that were so caught up with the city, they didn’t even notice the pick pockets sneaking up behind them. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept walking, and never looked back. My head was all jumbled and I was a mess. My mind told me that I should move on, but my heart kept telling me that I still loved Jennifer. This was one of the worst situations I’ve been in. IT’s so terrible, it’s-it’s a quagmire of epic proportions. My mind was trying to pursue the correct answer, but it just couldn’t find anything. I paced up and down the sidewalk in front of the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, searching for clues to this mind boggling mystery. I sat down on a bench out front and worked out all of pros and cons of the situation. It turns out that the pros outweighed the cons. I decided I needed a drink so I went inside and headed straight for the bar. I ordered a Get Jenny and sat at the bar for a while, allowing the bitter taste of the drink to ferment in my mouth.
The drink made my state of melancholia deepen. Pretty soon I ordered more and more drinks. I drank until I could feel absolutely nothing. By the time was done, the sky was dark, the Strip was ablaze with neon, glitz and glamour, and the casino was filled with colorful people. All around was a flashy display of drugs, sex, and money. But that’s all everything is about. Those three components make up people’s daily lives. It’s sad and pathetic. Thinking of this made me feel more poignant. This state of cheerlessness was getting old real fast. I decided I’d try to pass the time by gambling, so I sat at a blackjack table and just played.
I played and drank all night long, losing myself in the multitude of people. It was really late, but the casino was still full of life. About halfway through a game, Ronnie came running up to me, tapping me on the shoulder, begging me to come with him. But I was astray; completely unaware of what was going on. By this point I wasn’t sure if it was the melancholy, alcohol or a mixture of the two.
“Brandon, come on, let’s go. We’ve been running all over town looking for you,” Ronnie declared, except I ignored him. I continued to play the game, humming an off key tune loudly.
“Brandon let’s go. We’re all worried. The guys will want to know what you’ve been up to for the past twelve hours,” he urged. I still ignored him. Ronnie was on his cell probably calling back up. Ronnie stood over my shoulder and watched me kick ass at a few games, until Dave and Mark finally showed up.
Ronnie and Dave grabbed my shoulders and started to pull me away. I tried to squirm out of their grasp, but resistance was futile. Mark grabbed my winnings and followed closely behind the three of us. We got out of the Hard Rock, and then headed toward my apartment. Once inside of my place, the guys threw me on the black leather couch and grabbed seats all around me. Dave sat right across from me and looked my strait in the eye. He was very serious; he looked like a parent about to scold a child. His dark frizzy curls seemed to make his eyes look wild, almost psychotic.
“Brandon, we all know that Jenny was your absolute soul mate, and that you two would last for a very long time. However, she dumped you, and you got to let go. I know she was your world, but you can’t go on like this. Obviously you’re not her sun anymore; she found a new star to orbit around,” Dave said in a serene, soothing voice. I looked at him with sunken eyes. My mouth opened slightly, but I couldn’t speak. I was too tired and too wasted to do anything about it, because truthfully he was right. I couldn’t go on like this. I needed to get over her.
“I’ll tell you what,” Mark said interrupting, “We’ll go out tomorrow. We’ve got that gig anyway. Then right after we can go a few clubs, maybe even a strip joint or two.” I just nodded my head spinning.
I pushed myself off the couch and tried to stand. I couldn’t I lost my balance, but Ronnie caught me, and then helped me into my bed. Before he left, he promised they would all be over first thing tomorrow morning to practice and stuff. I didn’t say anything. My vision was distorted, my head hurt as did my stomach, and the whole world seemed as if it was rotating way too fast.
The next morning I woke up and the sun was shining brightly threw the bedroom windows. I got up, but quickly lay back down. My head felt like it was splitting open. My mouth tasted nasty, like a cross between stale beer and day old pizza. I tried getting up again, this time with success. I stumbled into the bathroom to discover that the toilet was filled with vomit. Last night must have been rough. I quickly flushed the toilet. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. My dark eyes looked wild with gray rings underneath. My black hair was a mess, it kind of looked like Dave’s, and there was some sort of crust dried along the side of my face. I quickly got ready and went to get some coffee. Dave, Mark, and Ronnie were already here and had coffee made. We all ate breakfast together then started practicing. Surprisingly I hadn’t thought about Jenny the entire day. In fact it was as if I forgot her completely.
Once night time came, we loaded up and headed to the tiny club we were playing at. I knew I was starting to come out of my cage, but something told me there was a rather large pitfall awaiting me. The club was on the small side, but still got some decent customers. Once on the stage, in front of everybody, everything was going great. I had no worries, no depression, nothing. I just felt alive. But when I looked up into the back corner of the room, I saw a familiar face. It was Jenny, with a, a man. She looked amazing. But a wave of rage washed over me. I was mad. She had dumped me for this! It was aggravating. Something deep inside said I had to do something about it. Once we were done I made a b-line for the table they were sitting at. But I stopped myself. Instead I went to the bar and had a few drinks. Already I was tipsy. Now I knew I could do anything. The rest of the band caught up with me, but I just ignored them and headed straight for Jennifer. Once at the table, I yelled and screamed and cried a little. That’s when the manager came over and kicked me out. Instead of waiting for the others, I got in a taxi and drove home.
A home I opened a bottle of tequila and just drank. Images of Jenny and that guy kept playing over and over again in my mind. I began to doze, and more images were forming. They were smoking together, and then they went to bed. She was touching his chest, he took off her dress. The entire thing made my stomach churn, it killed me, I could hardly bare to keep watching. Just the thought of the two of them made me die. This nightmare went on all night long, until I just couldn’t bear it any longer. I got up, walked out the door and got in a cab. I had my revenge all planned out. It would be the perfect crime.
When the cab stopped I slowly got up and swerved and swayed up to the front door, it was unlocked so I let myself in. The only thing I could think of was Jenny in a short skirt and how beautiful she looked. I maneuvered through the dark rooms as if I had lived here all my life. I made my way up the staircase where the chandelier was on and swaying in the breeze that filled the house. I crept up and found what I was looking for. She looked so beautiful in the warm glow that shone from the background. I dragged her out of bed very carefully. But I had to stop under the chandelier because her eyes flew open.
I panicked and before I could think, I grabbed the pillow that was on the nearby chair and smothered her face. Her body soon fell limp and cold. I knew I had finished the task. But before I could leave I stopped. There was a shadowy figure in the other room. I stepped closer and before I knew it everything was pitch black.
I walk up some time later, only I was now in a police station. I couldn’t remember a thing. I was disoriented and a bit scared. I didn’t know what to do. Just then a man came out and ushered me into a room with a table and two chairs. I sat down and didn’t move. Then another person came in and began questioning me. I couldn’t answer him though. I truthfully had no idea what happened. I told the officer that there was no motive for the crime and that Jenny was a friend of mine. Fortunately they believed me and let me go. Only I didn’t know what to do so I spent the night there. When I awoke the next morning the events that took place last night slowly began to come back.
It was then I realized I really did kill Jenny. It was my entire fault me and my stupid plan. I didn’t mean to kill her; it must have been the alcohol influence on my brain. This was terrible now I had no one, just myself and a couple of band mates. My whole world was over. The sun has burned out and life as I know it has ceased. Now the only thing I can do is go home and take the bourbon off the shelf, to drink it by myself, and love her endlessly, even though I’ll never be truly satisfied.
The Killers
