Can anybody tell me why
We're lying here on the floor?
And neither of us can barely breathe at all
The doctors saying hold on tight
As we say our last goodbyes
And this is a moment that changes our whole lives
I stared into his blank, dark eyes as they were finally covered by his eyelids. I hadnt cried in a real long time, but at that moment I felt the tears comin. But I didnt care. At that moment I didnt feel myself carin about anythin anymore. Not a thing. I used to. But now the one thing...the one human being that I had actually cared about...was gone...
For good.
My buddy Johnny.
Johnnycake.
Johnny Cade. He was gone. Dead. Limp on a damn hospital bed. Johnny had been the only person I really loved. I'll admit it, I'm a hateful person. It's hard for me to love. But when I met Johnnycake and saw how bad he had it at home and how helpless he was against our rivals, I began to feel for him. I began to watch out for him. Before I knew it, I was his big brother.
I cried right there, kneelin on the floor before his limp, burned body. His best friend Ponyboy Curtis stared at him, his eyes blank and hurt. I felt bad for Pony right then. Poor Ponyboy....
I leaped up off the floor and whirled over to the doorpane. I sobbed as I screamed, "Dammit, Johnny! Dont die! Please dont die..." I punched the doorpane and continued my unanswered orders: "Dammit Johnny...please..."
Then I ran out the door, unsure what I was goin to do then. But I knew it wasnt goin to be rational, based on the state I was in. I never do anything rational when I'm pissed off...
And I still believe in the good
And I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun
I wanna free you tonight
And I still believe in the good
And I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun
I wanna free you tonight
I'm staring deep into your eyes
They're telling me the time has come
And I know you're ready
To rise and sail home
The room is filling up with light
As we say our last goodnight
I thank you for every second of your life
I held the gun up to the clerk's face. "Give me the money," I said toughly. "Give it to me!" The clerk quickly pulled out a sack and started shovin money into it. While doin that he mumbled to himself, "I'm so sick and tired of all you hoods." I snatched the money sack out of his shakin hand and ran out the doors. The clerk had a gun and was shootin at me. I ran as fast as I could, then to a far away pay phone. I dialed the Curtis's and hoped the oldest brother Darry would pick up. Once he did I said quickly, "Darry, I need your help."
"Dally? What is it? What do you need?"
"I just robbed a store and I'm sure the cops are after me. Could you meet me in the vacant lot?"
"Yeah. Sure, Dally. We'll be right there." Darry sounded uneasy. I wondered, vaguely, if he knew.
I said, "Johnny's dead." The reality of those words hit me, just like the reality of watchin him die did: Johnny is dead. But he couldnt be. He just couldnt. Johnny cant die. Not now.
"Yeah, we know. Ponyboy told us," Darry said. I imagined him shiftin from one leg to the other uncomfortably, thinkin bout Johnny bein gone. For good. "Johnny," I mumbled, a sob cuttin in to my words.
"Alright," I said, my voice breakin a little, "j-just meet me in the lot soon."
"Yeah, Dally. We're on our way right now. We'll see you soon." I hung up and ran quickly from the phone, stumblin a little, and started for the vacant lot, my gang's hang-out. I ran as fast as I could, as if my life depended on it. I still heard sirens edgin closer to me though. Once I reached the lot I saw the gang on the other side of it, comin to meet me. I suddenly thought of Johnny. Sweet, soft-spoken Johnny. And now he's dead. He ain't comin back.
Johnny had been the only thing I really loved. I hate this world and everyone in it. The world is a terrible place. There ain't no good in it. I've always believed that. But there was one person I loved, one person I cared about. And that was Johnny Cade. And he's gone now and I dont have a reason for livin no more. Not anymore.
And I still believe in the good
And I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun
I wanna free you tonight
And I still believe in the good
And I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun
I wanna free you tonight
I wanted to die. Right here, right now. I pulled the unloaded heater that I pulled on the clerk out of my jacket as the cops were gettin outta their cars and pointed it at them, knowin what would happen to me once I did; how I'd end. They would kill me and I would get what I want. I would be with Johnny, on the other side. "This is for you, Johnny," I whispered. I raised the gun a little higher and shouted as loud as I could, "You'll never get me alive!"
I'm falling, watching as your hurting
I'm down here, I'm on my knees
How can I survive?
And you turn to me and promise me you're ready
And tell me you'll be waiting on the other side
I heard the gang shoutin commands at the cops. Ponyboy screamed, "Dont shoot!" Two-Bit Mathews shouted, "He's just a kid!" Darry boomed, "Dont do it!" Sodapop Curtis and Steve Randle pleaded, "Stop!" I looked up at the starry night sky and heard Ponyboy scream one last command before I died: "Its not loaded!"
I raised the gun a little higher.
I heard loud shots bein spit into the quiet night. Sharp, burnin objects dug into my chest and I struggled for breath. A few more seconds past and I fell to the ground under the streetlight. It was agony for a few seconds--sharp, bleedin, burnin pain infusin my chest--but then it all ended. I felt nothin. I heard nothin. I saw nothin. In the next slpit second I was gone; gone into the light. Gone believein there wasnt any good in this God-forsaken world...
And I still believe in the good
And I still believe in the light
And I wanna feel the sun
I wanna free you tonight
And you showed me all the good
And you lead me through the light
And you gave me the sun
It's time to free you tonight
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