Disclaimer: Same as before. I only own the idea.


A/N: Thank all of you who have taken the time to read my story and those who want to see more. I am so happy that you enjoy it. If you could, please fill out a review. Even if it is just to say keep up the good work. Thanks!!!



Chapter 4


I woke up just as the sun was coming up. I rubbed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. Knowing that today was going to be the longest day of my life, I got up and stretched. By the looks of it, Alice was already up and dressed. And she had my clothes laid out on a chair for me. I got my toiletries together and went to Alice’s bathroom.

After brushing my teeth, I decided to loosen my sore, tired muscles with a hot shower. I stood under the water letting it relax my muscles and wash away some of the tension I was feeling. It even allowed my mind to wander a bit, almost as if I wasn’t really living a nightmare. I allowed myself to feel.

Alice said that Edward had enjoyed me hugging him like I did. And when he brushed my hair like he did, it was so sweet. It felt like he really did care for me. Could I lean on him now like I have been leaning on Alice? Could I hope to have a future with him like I want? Does he want the same thing?

Almost after finishing that thought, another came into mind. Future. What kind of future am I going to have? I can’t really see one without my parents. How am I going to get through today? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go to the church and say goodbye. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. I started crying silently and was thankful that I was in the shower and that no one was around. I let myself finally feel what I needed and I let the tears fall freely. I was letting my parents go. I was letting them go and have peace.

I must have lost track of time because I soon heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Yes? Come in. Is that you Alice?”

“It is sweetie. How are you doing this morning?”

“I am okay, but I have had some time to think in here. The shower has helped me a lot. Thank you for the dress, by the way. It’s perfect.”

“You’re welcome. I was sent up to tell you that breakfast is done for you. We’ve all eaten already.”
“Okay, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

After Alice left I washed my hair. It seems as though Alice even remembered my favorite strawberry shampoo. I got out of the shower, dried off, and then got dressed. I brushed out my hair and then went downstairs.

I had just gotten down the stairs and into the Cullen’s living room, when I saw Edward sitting on the couch. He was watching the news. I hesitated a bit.

“Oh… um… hi Edward.”

“Good morning Bella. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. Thank you. I’ sorry, but I didn’t expect to see you down here. Silly though, isn’t it? I mean you live here,” I said with a nervous laugh. Why did he always have to make me so nervous?

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. Would you like to have a seat?” He patted the couch next to him.

“Um… sure. Thanks.” I sat down next to him. Even though I have been in love with him since forever I’ve never been able to think straight around him. You’d think that in time that would wear off. Which reminds me… “Alice told me last night that you could read minds. Is that true?”

“Yes. Alice did mention that. And yes, it is true. And like she told you, I try to tune out most people. Life is easier that way.”

“She also said that you might be upset that I knew. I hope that you don’t get mad at her. It really did just ship out and I won’t tell anyone.”

He laughed a little, “Bella, I am not upset. How many people would believe it anyway? But I am surprised that you didn’t ask if I could read your mind. Aren’t you curious if I can?”

“Of course I am, but I didn’t want to ask. But since you brought it up, can you read my mind? Do you know what I’m thinking?”

A crooked smile formed on his face. He closed his eyes and looked like he was concentrating on something very hard. And then all of a sudden his eyes opened and he looked over at me. I just kept staring at him. He was so perfect. I never have been able to see any flaws on his face, or any other part of him for that matter.

“No. I still can not read your mind.”

“What? You’ve tried before? Actually tried to? When?” I was nervous all of a sudden. Why would he try to read my mind? That meant that he wanted to know something and on more than one occasion.

He stared at me with such an intense gaze that I had to look away from him. “I’ve tried many times, Bella. And it’s always been the same thing. Nothing. You are always a closed book to me. I can never hear you. I can hear everyone else except you.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

At that Edward laughed. “You are sorry that I can’t invade your mind and hear your private thoughts?”

“If it upsets you, then yes.”

“Bella, I don’t know if I will ever understand you. But we need you to eat so we can get you to the church. Come on, I’ll go with you.”

Oh right… the funeral. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to look into my parents face. I don’t want to go through this day. I was the one who encouraged them to go on the date. It was my fault, why did I do this?

“Will you stay with me at the church?” I asked.

“Of course. I will be there for you as long as you need me,” Edward said.



                *****


After the funeral, I rode back in silence, clinging to Alice. Edward was still holding my hand. Carlisle and Esme we driving the three of us back to their house, while Rosalie and Emmett followed in Edward’s Volvo. I don’t remember much of anything, it was all a blur of “I’m so sorry for your loss” and “I’m so sorry Bella”. I remember looking into the faces of my parents for a split second and then I collapsed into Edward’s arms. He carried me back to my chair and there I sat listening to the words of the priest. I sat there not really knowing that time was passing. Edward was true to his word and he stayed with me. Alice was with me too, holding onto my hand. After awhile I couldn’t cry anymore and I just sat there like a statue.

Now on the way back in the car, no one said anything. I was holding onto Alice like my life depended on it. Maybe it did. Maybe if I let her go, I would be letting go of me too. I had already left a part of me back there in the church with my parents. My family. I had no family now. I was orphaned and I did it to myself. I did this it was my fault.

The next thing I knew we were back at the house. Carlisle had just turned the car off. He turned back to me to see if I was okay. Was I okay? Was I ever going to be okay again?

“I’ll carry her in,” Edward said.

“No,” I said in barely a whisper. “I can walk.”

But Edward didn’t even let me try. He picked me up in his strong arms and walked with me into their house. In a way, I was grateful. I don’t know if I could have made it by myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my head on his shoulder. It felt very comfortable.

When Edward and I got into the house, he started to the stairs, but I did not want to be alone. “Edward? Can I stay downstairs? I don’t want to be alone. Can I stay with you?”

He turned back around and went towards the couch. “Of course you can. And I will stay with you. Do you need anything?”

“No, I just want to stay her like this with you. If feels nice to be held.”

“Sure,” he said. I just leaned back into him and he kept his arms wrapped around me. By then the rest of his family came in. Esme and Carlisle came in first and they went upstairs to Carlisle’s study. Next Alice came in and sat in a chair next to the couch, she turned on the television. And lastly came Emmett and Rosalie, they were quiet and said that they were going to go upstairs.

I listened to the sounds coming from the television but didn’t hear anything that was being said. I just sat there; nothing was coming through my barrier. I was lost in my thoughts. Everyone at the funeral was so supportive, but they were giving me so many looks of pity. I don’t want pity. I didn’t need any of that. I was so filled with guilt that I didn’t notice when I started crying again.

Edward didn’t say anything either. Sooner than I wanted to I feel asleep sitting on the couch, curled up next to him, crying myself to sleep. I didn’t feel the blanket slip over me and I didn’t feel anyone slip a pillow under my head.

That was the first night that I have ever had a dream of Edward. He was standing there at the very edge of the forest, not moving. It was a bright, clear night. The moon was shining high and bright in the sky. Edward was white as marble as he stood there staring back at me.

“What are you doing out here so late, Bella? Do you know that it isn’t safe for you out here?”

I shook my head no. “No, what is out here that will hurt me?”

He pulled his lips back into a smile, his teeth glinting like stars in the dark night. It was a little frightening, but I would never be afraid of him. No, not when he’s done everything he could to help me when my parents died. How could he hurt anyone?

“I am out here. Aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Why would I be scared of you? I could never be scared of you.”

“Are you sure about that?” At that he crouched down and made a noise deep in his throat that I’ve never heard before and sprang straight up in the air and landed right in front of me. He grabbed me around the shoulders with both hands and tipped me backwards, his face an inch from my face. “Are you still sure about that?”

“I am not afraid of you.”

He let me go and I fell to the ground. When I looked back up, he was gone and nowhere in sight.

With that I woke up with a start. What was that?