A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Face it, we all feel sleepy the moment we enter the office premises. But what if your boss caught you sleeping at your desk? Here is what you can tell him:
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
• "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
• "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
• "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "The coffee machine is broken..."
• "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
• " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
• "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
• "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
• "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "The coffee machine is broken..."
• "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
• " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."