No More Heroes 2 does things… differently from the first game. Gone is the overworld to explore. Gone is the unique enemies of every level. Gone is the chance to collect trading cards. And gone is fun mini-games. But hey, at least now we have some pretty cool bosses… For the most part. While No More Heroes 2 definitely falls behind the first No More Heroes in some instances, it makes up in others, such as story, music, and even some bosses. And with the addition of fifteen bosses in the game, it makes sense that there would be some great bosses… And some stinkers too. So that is what I will be talking about today. A list of the top five best and worst No More Heroes bosses. From the highest assassins to the lowest scum. Now, some of these bosses, you may disagree where I put them, but remember that this is simply my opinion. With that out of the way, let’s begin, starting with the worst.

#5: Nathan Copeland



Okay, let me start out by saying, as a character and in design, I really enjoy Nathan Copeland. It’s hard for me to call him one of the worst bosses when this guy is going around with a boom box while blasting rap sung in Japanese. Nathan is an Irish rapper who runs a religious cult, and only did all of this just to die by Travis hands in a fight. Now, that all sounds good and all, but then you get to the fight. The fight starts out fair enough, with him attacking you with his boom-box arms (Which is a cool weapon), but then things start to get hectic. The chandelier in the center will fall to hit you, lasers and machine guns will come from the ceiling, plants will start to explode, and the floor will start moving. Eventually, it becomes a bullet hell boss, just trying to dodge everything you can. It gets really bad when Nathan runs to the opposite end of the room, and while you're trying to avoid exploding plants and lasers, he will fire rockets at you, and deplete your Beam Katana, forcing you to recharge only to run out of battery life again. The fight becomes less of a fight and doing your damndest to roll out of the way of Nathan’s attacks. There’s more rolling in this fight than a majority of Dark Souls’ bosses. In later playthroughs, he becomes much more tolerable, but for all those first timers, get ready for a very stressful fight.

#4: Matt Helms



Despite being one of the creepiest… things in, pretty much games, what with being the soul of a dead child that came back for revenge and now feeds off of hate and suffering, this boss fight is terrible! I thought the fight with Shinobu was a cluttered mess, but this one takes the cake. At least Shinobu’s fight didn’t put a bunch of crap in the way. This fight puts you in a room filled with objects. Destructible, granted, but still in the way. And because of the tight area, mixed with Matt Helms large size, it can be a true pain to even see his attacks. These attacks range from heavy swings from his axe, throwing molotovs that stay burning when they hit the ground, and dodging his slow moving flamethrower. The darkness, mixed with trying to fight the piss poor camera in this fight, can cause the fight to become very cluttered very fast. You’ll have a hard time trying to get your bearings during this fight, and that is if you don’t get annihilated in the first go. And no, the walls don’t help much, since you can easily get yourself caught when you clearly dodge an attack only to get hit again. For a scary boss, this terrible location sure does ruin all that scary tension.

#3: New Destroyman



I never thought that having two of this wonderful cheap bastard would be terrible, but they managed to find a way. New Destroyman, in concept, is a good idea. After being split in have in the first game, he came back as half robot, with the other half doing the same, each with a slightly different personality. One behaves more calm and polite while the other is a rude, perverted killer. They’re still both cheaters, of course. But sadly, the charm wears off incredibly fast, because No More Heroes isn’t exactly the best when it comes to targeting multiple enemies at a time. So naturally, it sucks when you have to do it in a boss fight. One of the New Destroyman will try to punch and electrocute you while the other will shoot projectiles at you. If you aren’t perfect with dodging, you will get hit by the other’s projectiles when trying to hit the one. It becomes so frustrating. But don’t worry, because after you beat the first one, it goes from annoying to slow and boring. You have to be careful, as when one goes down, the other can revive them and bring them back. That’s bad on it’s own, but I found that if you just wait under the platforms the second New Destroyman is under, he can’t hit you. When he goes to ground level, just get to the downed Destroyman first and then attack him. This will go on for a good while, so get ready for a slow fight.

#2: Million Gunman



Million Gunman is as uninteresting as it gets. He is just a bank owner, and that is as far as that story goes. What’s the symbolic nature about him? That crime doesn’t pay or some shit? I don’t know. Anyway, this fight is utter garbage. I hated this fight the moment I started, and that’s mainly because you are playing as Shinobu. I grew a little more fond of Shinobu in this game over the second one, but playing as her is a mess. Bad platforming, and stopping a combo to taunt enemies is one of the most annoying things ever. Now put that in a boss fight. At least New Destroyman could be beaten without platforming. Here, it is mandatory. Million Gunman attacks with shooting coin bullets, but watch out for his unblockable where he shoots… more coin bullets. Honestly, the only cool move he has is where he ricochets bullets at you. But when you’re fighting him, you aren’t going to be thinking how cool that is. You’re going to be thinking about how you are going to get up on the platform and why the hell Gunman won’t stay still when you try to fight him. It becomes a boring game of cat and mouse, only the cat can’t jump properly and the mouse can shoot the shit out of you. But, if you’re lucky to avoid the annoying part, this boss can become super easy. So, let me explain. I don’t know if this is a real strategy or if I just broke the game, but I attacked Million Gunman with three slashes, and he proceeded to roll dodge and start up an attack. I then did the same three slashes again, and he followed with another dodge roll. This went on until I got all of his health down. He never ran off and he rarely got a shot in. Again, I don’t know if this is a real strategy or if the game just bugged out, but screw it. Anything to get me passed this boss fight quicker.

(THE NEXT ENTRY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE GAME)

#1: Jasper Batt Jr.



Many stories were told about the final boss of No More Heroes. None good, all bad news. And in the end, I can say for certainty… Yeah, they were all true. This is one of the worst bosses ever put into a video game ever. Nothing about this fight works in the way that it should, and manages to fail in not one, not two, but three different phases. Being the Rank 1 assassin and the main antagonist of the entire game, you would think that he would be a little more interesting or fun, like Henry from the previous game, but Jasper is anything but. The first phase starts out easy. Like, really easy. Just counter him and you will have him beat as soon as possible. He just flies at you, throws pathetically easy to dodge bats, and shoots lasers. After you finally manage to get all of his health down, he will then move on to the second phase of the fight, where he turns into a much stronger boss. After this, things only go downhill. They weren’t exactly uphill in the first place, but there’s no getting out of this momentum now. The boss becomes insanely hard, with all of his moves being nearly unpredictable and hard to dodge even when you do predict them. He can spam the hell out all of his moves. The start is fair enough, especially after you’ve died numerous times. But then he starts teleporting around the room and punching you numerous times before you have a chance to render what is going on, while you are stuck on the ground, unable to get up. And then there is the lovely Hurricane Punch, allowing him to send you flying across the room and have no time to react. And god forbid you are in between a punch of his or a window. This window bullshit is honestly worse than any insta-kill the original game could pull off. Finally, there is the third phase. And it is putrid. The design alone, being a giant parade float, is utterly stupid. But the fight’s not much better. It could, in fact, on a technical level, be worse than the others, as you will not be able to see what is going on, if you get too far from Jasper, you will be hit with an unavoidable move, and the camera will just get sucked inside of Jasper, making it hard to tell what he is doing or, hell, even what you are doing. After that, you beat the game. What a terrible boss fight. I have heard many times in the past that this fight was intentionally bad. Suda51, the symbolism loving bastard that he is, wanted to make the fight terrible in every sense of the way just to make a point that revenge is not really satisfying, to give the player a sort of, “That’s it?” feeling. While I can respect the idea, than tell me why Travis, having this revelation after the fight with the Rank 2 boss, was done in the first place? It just makes the final boss seem a lot more pretentious than what it was meant to be. There are other ways to make a point than to sacrifice gameplay, Suda51.

Now, with those stinkers out of the way, I think now is the right time to talk about some better bosses. So let us move on to the five best.

#5: Kimmy Howell



Being an optional boss after defeating Matt Helms, Kimmy can actually be missed, which I think adds to the interest to fight this boss. Kimmy is a typical nervous fangirl, seeing Travis as her idol and claiming to be his number one fan. The only downside is that she carries all of the traits of a typical yandere with her. Being just the right amount of crazy, her goal as taking part in the UAA is to kill Travis in battle and take his spot in the ranking. This makes the fight with her much more interesting. The only time Travis faced an assassin that was underneath him was in the first game, and we never got to fight him. But now, we have a chance of fighting a boss underneath him. And the fight is pretty fun, if a little silly at some points. Kimmy is able to use lightning fast and hard to dodge strikes, as well as hit you with… bubbles… Yes, she launches bubbles at you. The fight is kind of on the easy side, but can really destroy you if you aren’t careful on your first runthrough of the game. The intro cutscene, however, is perfect. Travis reading the letter as it gets progressively more and more disturbing while Kimmy plays on her flute before it turns into a double-sided Beam Katana is just funny. And in the spirit of No More Heroes, Travis can’t bring himself to kill a schoolgirl. And hey, we may or may not see from her again. Maybe! Maybe not! I don’t know how to end segments.

#4: Ryuji



Okay, first a few negative points. First, why does the fight play Matt Helms’ theme? Second, the motorcycle fight is terrible! I get what it was trying to go for, a sumo fight with motorcycles, but that doesn’t make the controls any less shit. Thankfully, the fight afterward is one of the best. Ryuji is your usual strong man from the east, wishing to fight with honor and power, without using any hidden tricks and only fighting in a fair fight, with the victor winning from skill and strength alone. Ryuji, despite fighting with just his lance, manages to be a very difficult fight if you aren’t paying attention. You need to know the right time to strike, the right time to dodge, and the right time to block. He will launch his lance at you, and even do a grab, proving that you need to know exactly what movements he makes when you are fighting him so you don’t get yourself killed. And then there is his strongest and craziest attack, when he sends out a giant energy dragon to attack you. When this comes out, just dodge like crazy. It becomes utter hell to dodge all that, but not impossible or unfair like when fighting Nathan Copeland. And in the end, Ryuji forfeits the match and Travis is the victor, only for Ryuji to be gunned down regardless. And this is just the start of bosses that make people sad.

#3: Captain Vladimir Taktarov



Okay, all of the jokes that he is basically The Fury from Metal Gear Solid 3 aside, this is another emotional and fun boss. A Russian astronaut believing he is still inside space during the Cold War, he attacks Travis, not out of malicious intent, but out of fear (Which actually makes me wonder how he became an assassin in general, let alone Rank 3, but whatever). Vladimir cannot be hit from the front, due to him using a shield to protect him, and can only be attacked from the back. He can use his technology to lift and throw rocks, and fire a laser beam at you, ranging from a quick and blockable one to a powerful rotating one that you have to roll out of the way to avoid. Vladimir is also capable of teleporting around the stage, so you will always be trying to find him in the area, but it’s never too hard, but clearly makes it a challenge for you to keep up with him. But Vladimir also gets some help in this fight with the use of a giant space station that can fire a few lasers from the sky and even a giant laser cannon that can engulf a good chunk of the area and will follow you, so be ready to run when you see that thing coming down. It’s only after Travis defeats him does Vladimir realize he is back on Earth and dies peacefully, making for a very emotional scene, even when you remember you just fought an astronaut with a giant laser cannon.

#2: Margaret Moonlight



Oh boy, if Bad Girl was the favorite among cosplayers from the first game, than I have a feeling Margaret is this one’s Bad Girl. Margaret Moonlight is probably one of my favorite designed bosses, and I’m not just saying that because she is in gothic lolita attire. She looks like death itself, and considering that her entire boss is based around that fact, it makes her design all the more interesting. The fight starts with Margaret shooting at you with a rifle from atop a sign, before coming down to fight you up close. Margaret’s strategy consists of laming it out, running and shooting at you, forcing you to run after her. The fight can become either annoying if you are blocking or a fun challenge if you know to dodge at the right time. Margaret isn’t completely useless in close range, as he rifle doubles as two scythes that she can use to attack you, while changing it up to guns. I have to say, after the disappointing fight with Dr. Peace in the last game and the mistake that was Million Gunman’s fight, Margaret probably has the most fun gun boss fight in the series. And don’t even get me started on her boss music. The music that plays, Philistine, is one of the catchiest songs in video games, and I love it so much. It adds to the already grim atmosphere of the fight and turns it from a cool fight into a deeply cool one… I wrote that sentence and I am sorry.

(THIS BOSS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE GAME)

#1: Alice Twilight



This is as high as you can get when it comes to bosses in video games. The fight with Alice takes place on a rooftop at sundown, a point of change in most film and games, a very symbolic point for the characters. Alice fights Travis with not one, not two, but five Beam Katanas, each held by robotic arms, and she carries herself with a single robotic leg. Despite this threatening weapon, the fight is filled with no cheap shots or cheating gimmicks. The fight only consists of two equally strong assassins fighting to the death. She never does anything to trick you, never does anything that would be considered cheap or gimmicky, and only fights you fair and square. The music is one of the most somber in the game, something unheard of in the entire series up to this point. And then there is Alice herself, the reason why I think she is the best No More Heroes boss. She is sitting on top of this roof, stating that she has grown tired of all of the fighting that the UAA uses in it’s ranked fights. She knows that, now that Travis is here, she has accepted that she will die on this very roof, as shown when she is burning a set of photographs. She never discusses her family, her friends, her life, what she likes, or anything like that, because her life as an assassin, being forced to kill others, has drained her, and she no longer wants to take it, and knows she will die at the hands of Travis, only giving him her name in death, and knowing that she will die for nothing in the end, just makes the fight all the more depressing. When Travis does kill her, it does not go over well. Bosses like Holly Summers, Ryuji, Margaret, and Vladimir were already making Travis question his part in the UAA and the UAA as a whole, but the death of Alice is what pushes him to his limit.The fight has everything. The music, the symbolism, the character, and the fight itself is what makes Alice my favorite No More Heroes boss. Also, remember, Jasper was fought after her… Let that sink in.