LoopyLuna96 Very good, sounds interesting. :)

FullMoonFever I agree with LoopyLuna96 ^^ Sounds really interesting!

pumpkinqueen Awesome

flowerdrop Well done! I think that this is a start of one GREAT story......

TiaSmith really nice sounds cool great job

K5-HOWL Dude this is epic :D

soxfan89 This Is So Cool!

juicyjossy9 It will be an amazing story! Again, dear Toby, I'm so much honored to have added my little humble touch to this great idea! :D

VMars4ever Aside from your final two questions, it's a very strong lead in for a story. It's a little short, even for a prologue, but it's very powerful in the way that it introduces us to the story - nee the adventure - we have to unfold in front of us. In this sentence: [i]When Avalon learned of the attack, it was decided to choose three guardians among the inhabitants from the three planets.[/i] This sentence is worded a little funny. Instead, I would write it like this, for instance: [i]When Avalon learned of the attack, it was decided that one guardian from each of the three planets would be chosen from among their inhabitants.[/i] But that's only off the top of my head. Also, in this sentence: [i]Eight years ago, a terrible mistake almost annihilated planets Earth, Gaia and Yoko.[/i] There should be a [i]the[/i] before planets. It should be: [i]These planets are located in three separate dimensions and would normally be unable to interact with one another.[/i] This change in a few of your words, gives the sentence a little more of a flow, in my opinion. Your third paragraph should go a little more like this: [i]Upon his arrival, he managed to find out about Earth and Yoko and became determined to make their existence known to his planet.[/i] A slight tweak, but it makes the need to separate it into it's own paragraph slightly more justifiable. In the fourth paragraph a better word than [i]thinking they were superior[/i], would be [i]believing they were superior[/i]. [i]Unaware[/i] is also better than [i]not aware[/i]. Overall it should look like this: [i]After two years, the rulers of Gaia- believing they were superior in strength - ordered their armies to attack Earth. However, they were unaware that Earth had an army of very powerful vampires on their side, that managed to hold them at bay.[/i] Run-on sentences can cause readers to believe the writing was a little sloppy. In your last paragraph there should be no separate sentence starting with 'but', it should be apart of the same sentence for better flow. Also, it should be: [i]The Avalonians succeeded in capturing the traitor and imprisoned him on their planet until something could be done about him.[/i] You switch to a 'we' that might have been intentional, but to me was confusing. Aside from those slight tweaks, this prologue was powerful, but like most writing, needs work. I'd give it: 6/10 stars

Takuya Thanks this is very helpful ^^

sweetyasi Great i think it's the bigining of the very good and exciting story!Coooool!

akimamg It is really interesting

Cherry9090 i like it its very interesting