The next morning, I couldn't bring my self to get up. It's Friday, I told myself. At least that was something to look forward to, I guess. I sat up and yawned. I slid out of bed, and nudged Briar with my foot.
"Wake up," I grumbled. She blinked, groaned, and rolled over. Oh well. She'd get up sooner or later. I went to my closet, picked out my clothes, then went to the bathroom to change. When I came back, Briar was fully awake.
"Can I borrow some clothes?" she asked. I nodded to my closet.
"Go 'head. It might be a little big on you, but I'm sure you'll find something." I went to the kitchen and, unusually, I made breakfast for myself and Briar. She came out a couple minutes later, in a new change of clothes.
We went to school, and since I knew ahead of time my car wasn't working, we weren't late. I went to English class, and took my seat.
"Irina?" I looked up. It was Blake. "So, am I coming over tomorrow?" There's a reason not to look forward to the weekend...
"I guess so," I sighed. "You can come over at noon." He nodded and went to his seat. I'm glad the conversation didn't take that long.
I made my way to lunch, or at least to the bench that I sit at while I wait for everyone to go to the cafeteria. I heard laughter.
"That's her?" a voice said. I looked up, not even meaning to. There was a group of people, including Blake. With him was Heidi, Brenda, Gwen, and Mateo. Heidi, Brenda, and Mateo were smling in my direction. Heidi and Brenda giggled, and looked away. Blake looked indifferent. The girl I remembered as Gwen looked at me pitifully. I ducked my head; I wasn't in the mood to be laughed at... or pitied. And if anyone here was to be pitied, it was Gwen. She didn't seem like she wanted to be there. She was too... nice. Ok, well I've never said a word to her. But a couple months ago, I had taken a fall down the stairs, and she'd helped me pick up my books. And she asked if I was ok. That had to count for something. I know if it was Heidi or Brenda, they would've laughed it off and not even bother.
***
Finally, school was over and the weekend was finally here. I went home, only to find Drew istting on my front porch, waiting for me. I gulped.
"Um, hi," I said in a quiet voice. He stood up.
"Let's go," he said gruffly.
"What?" I asked. He grabbed my hand. Most girls would be thrilled for their boyfriends to hold their hands in public, but not me. It only worried me more. It meant I had no choice whether to go or not.
"We're going to Skye's house. The game's on tonight," he said, not even looking at me.
"Ok," I said. Good thing I didn't have to work tonight. We walked a couple blocks, when we came to Skye's house. I've been here before; it never ends well. We let ourselves in. The house was fairly quiet, except for the blaring music underneath our feet. I bet Skye's parents were gone. Good. Then there'd be alcohol. We went down to the basement, where everyone else was already there. Briar sat in a recliner chair, that was placed off in the corner. She had her knees up to her chest, and her arms were wrapped around her legs. She looked petrified. She loosened up a little bit when she saw me, and smiled. More off to the center of the room was Skye, of course, and Drew's other friends Laken and Blaine. They called Drew over when they saw him. Drew smiled and pushed me away to go join them. I don't understand why he even brings me along.
I grabbed a beer off the table of snacks and beverages, and sat on the arm of Briar's recliner. I offered her some, but she just shook her head. We don't usually talk when we're around the guys. Anything that could make them look at us, or make them remember we're there we tend to avoid.
***
I had way too much to drink tonight.
I realized this when I puked all over the floor. If I had been thinking straight, I would've been terrified, because that definitely got the guys' attention.
"Aw, dude!" Skye complained. Drew apologized, and came over to get me.
"We're going," he said, he went to take my hand, but I pulled away.
"Naw! I dnt wann to!" I slurred. My eyes rolled back in my head, but just for a split second. Hopefully I wouldn't have a seizure right now. I took a deep breath.
"I said we're going," Drew ordered. I protested once again. His face turned slightly red, and he pushed me backwards, and I fell into the snack table. Chips, sodas, and beer bottles spilled all over me. I gagged. I heard Briar scream my name, but it sounded more like an echo. I heard a crack; Skye probably slapped Briar. I opened my mouth to yell at him to leave her alone, but when I did I forgot what I was going to say. Drew reached down and grabbed my hand, and yanked me up so fast my head spun and I almost threw up again. He marched me up the stairs. He didn't stop until we got to the front door. He pushed me in front of him, then spun me around and pushed me up against the door. My head collided with the wall, making me even more dizzy.
"Listen here, bitch. Don't you ever talk back to me like that again, got it?" he seethed into my ear. I nodded limply. He let me go, and then pulled me out the door. I stumbled behind him. Ugh, it was such a long way home...
At one point, I fell to my knees and began vomiting uncontrollably. Drew kicked me, and I fell over onto my side. He groaned in disgust.
"Go home on your own, slut," he said, then left me there, still throwing up. I finally stopped after ten minutes, and then went home. I had to use trees and mailboxes for support, so it took a lot longer than it would have if I was sober. But I'm not complaining; I'm glad I even went in the right direction of my house.
When I got home, I spent a couple more hours in the bathroom, leaning on the toilet. Then, once I felt a little better, I went to my room and fell asleep. Maybe I'd sleep right through tomorrow and wouldn't have to do that stupid interview with Blake.
***
When I woke up, I felt absolutely terrible. I could still taste the vomit in my mouth, and that made me feel even worse. I sat up, and gagged for a moment, then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin looked slightly sickish, and my eyes were bloodshot. It hurt to look in the mirror; I was extremely sensitive to light now. I squinted my eyes, then went to my room and grabbed my sunglasses. There; that's better. I got dressed, and sat down for a small breakfast when there was a knock on the door.
That must be Blake.
I sighed and went to get the door. He looked kind of... worried, I guess. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw me. Geez, I didn't look that bad, did I?
"Uh, you ok?" he asked. I stepped aside to let him in.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said in a kind of irritated tone. He came in, and stared at me. Doesn't he know it's impolite to stare?
"What's with the sunglasses?" he wondered.
"Does it matter? Can we just get this over?" I asked. He nodded. We went to the kitchen. He sat in a chair while I sat on the counter. I finished up interviewing Blake. I learned that he never really wanted to be a football player, but his dad made him. And he wants to be a carpenter when he graduates. He doesn't plan on going to college, but he probably will because of his parents. I learned a lot more things about him as well. I was beginning to think that he wasn't so bad after all. He was actually really funny. I found myself laughing at almost all his jokes.
Then it was my turn.
"Tell me about your family," Blake smiled. I clamped my mouth shut and but my tongue.
"Uh... It's just my Dad and I." He seemed to sense my change of mood and frowned. There was an awkward silence. I turned my gaze to the floor.
"Do you want to tell me about it..?" he asked cautiously. I looked back up at him.
"I'd rather not right now," I said quietly. He nodded and went on to the next question. I told him about how my dad's engaged, and that I don't care for her at all. He's never really home, so I'm on my own much of the time. I've always wanted to do horseback riding, but my dad thought it was dangerous. I'm scared of heights; and I hate rude people. We went on and on, some of the questions we asked each other weren't even on the list of questions to answer.
I didn't mind talking to Blake now. In fact, it was a lot of fun. Before, I'd told myself I would only give direct answers; don't add anything he didn't need to know. But I didn't. I told him a lot more than I had expected to.
But I still kept some secrets.
"Wake up," I grumbled. She blinked, groaned, and rolled over. Oh well. She'd get up sooner or later. I went to my closet, picked out my clothes, then went to the bathroom to change. When I came back, Briar was fully awake.
"Can I borrow some clothes?" she asked. I nodded to my closet.
"Go 'head. It might be a little big on you, but I'm sure you'll find something." I went to the kitchen and, unusually, I made breakfast for myself and Briar. She came out a couple minutes later, in a new change of clothes.
We went to school, and since I knew ahead of time my car wasn't working, we weren't late. I went to English class, and took my seat.
"Irina?" I looked up. It was Blake. "So, am I coming over tomorrow?" There's a reason not to look forward to the weekend...
"I guess so," I sighed. "You can come over at noon." He nodded and went to his seat. I'm glad the conversation didn't take that long.
I made my way to lunch, or at least to the bench that I sit at while I wait for everyone to go to the cafeteria. I heard laughter.
"That's her?" a voice said. I looked up, not even meaning to. There was a group of people, including Blake. With him was Heidi, Brenda, Gwen, and Mateo. Heidi, Brenda, and Mateo were smling in my direction. Heidi and Brenda giggled, and looked away. Blake looked indifferent. The girl I remembered as Gwen looked at me pitifully. I ducked my head; I wasn't in the mood to be laughed at... or pitied. And if anyone here was to be pitied, it was Gwen. She didn't seem like she wanted to be there. She was too... nice. Ok, well I've never said a word to her. But a couple months ago, I had taken a fall down the stairs, and she'd helped me pick up my books. And she asked if I was ok. That had to count for something. I know if it was Heidi or Brenda, they would've laughed it off and not even bother.
***
Finally, school was over and the weekend was finally here. I went home, only to find Drew istting on my front porch, waiting for me. I gulped.
"Um, hi," I said in a quiet voice. He stood up.
"Let's go," he said gruffly.
"What?" I asked. He grabbed my hand. Most girls would be thrilled for their boyfriends to hold their hands in public, but not me. It only worried me more. It meant I had no choice whether to go or not.
"We're going to Skye's house. The game's on tonight," he said, not even looking at me.
"Ok," I said. Good thing I didn't have to work tonight. We walked a couple blocks, when we came to Skye's house. I've been here before; it never ends well. We let ourselves in. The house was fairly quiet, except for the blaring music underneath our feet. I bet Skye's parents were gone. Good. Then there'd be alcohol. We went down to the basement, where everyone else was already there. Briar sat in a recliner chair, that was placed off in the corner. She had her knees up to her chest, and her arms were wrapped around her legs. She looked petrified. She loosened up a little bit when she saw me, and smiled. More off to the center of the room was Skye, of course, and Drew's other friends Laken and Blaine. They called Drew over when they saw him. Drew smiled and pushed me away to go join them. I don't understand why he even brings me along.
I grabbed a beer off the table of snacks and beverages, and sat on the arm of Briar's recliner. I offered her some, but she just shook her head. We don't usually talk when we're around the guys. Anything that could make them look at us, or make them remember we're there we tend to avoid.
***
I had way too much to drink tonight.
I realized this when I puked all over the floor. If I had been thinking straight, I would've been terrified, because that definitely got the guys' attention.
"Aw, dude!" Skye complained. Drew apologized, and came over to get me.
"We're going," he said, he went to take my hand, but I pulled away.
"Naw! I dnt wann to!" I slurred. My eyes rolled back in my head, but just for a split second. Hopefully I wouldn't have a seizure right now. I took a deep breath.
"I said we're going," Drew ordered. I protested once again. His face turned slightly red, and he pushed me backwards, and I fell into the snack table. Chips, sodas, and beer bottles spilled all over me. I gagged. I heard Briar scream my name, but it sounded more like an echo. I heard a crack; Skye probably slapped Briar. I opened my mouth to yell at him to leave her alone, but when I did I forgot what I was going to say. Drew reached down and grabbed my hand, and yanked me up so fast my head spun and I almost threw up again. He marched me up the stairs. He didn't stop until we got to the front door. He pushed me in front of him, then spun me around and pushed me up against the door. My head collided with the wall, making me even more dizzy.
"Listen here, bitch. Don't you ever talk back to me like that again, got it?" he seethed into my ear. I nodded limply. He let me go, and then pulled me out the door. I stumbled behind him. Ugh, it was such a long way home...
At one point, I fell to my knees and began vomiting uncontrollably. Drew kicked me, and I fell over onto my side. He groaned in disgust.
"Go home on your own, slut," he said, then left me there, still throwing up. I finally stopped after ten minutes, and then went home. I had to use trees and mailboxes for support, so it took a lot longer than it would have if I was sober. But I'm not complaining; I'm glad I even went in the right direction of my house.
When I got home, I spent a couple more hours in the bathroom, leaning on the toilet. Then, once I felt a little better, I went to my room and fell asleep. Maybe I'd sleep right through tomorrow and wouldn't have to do that stupid interview with Blake.
***
When I woke up, I felt absolutely terrible. I could still taste the vomit in my mouth, and that made me feel even worse. I sat up, and gagged for a moment, then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin looked slightly sickish, and my eyes were bloodshot. It hurt to look in the mirror; I was extremely sensitive to light now. I squinted my eyes, then went to my room and grabbed my sunglasses. There; that's better. I got dressed, and sat down for a small breakfast when there was a knock on the door.
That must be Blake.
I sighed and went to get the door. He looked kind of... worried, I guess. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw me. Geez, I didn't look that bad, did I?
"Uh, you ok?" he asked. I stepped aside to let him in.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said in a kind of irritated tone. He came in, and stared at me. Doesn't he know it's impolite to stare?
"What's with the sunglasses?" he wondered.
"Does it matter? Can we just get this over?" I asked. He nodded. We went to the kitchen. He sat in a chair while I sat on the counter. I finished up interviewing Blake. I learned that he never really wanted to be a football player, but his dad made him. And he wants to be a carpenter when he graduates. He doesn't plan on going to college, but he probably will because of his parents. I learned a lot more things about him as well. I was beginning to think that he wasn't so bad after all. He was actually really funny. I found myself laughing at almost all his jokes.
Then it was my turn.
"Tell me about your family," Blake smiled. I clamped my mouth shut and but my tongue.
"Uh... It's just my Dad and I." He seemed to sense my change of mood and frowned. There was an awkward silence. I turned my gaze to the floor.
"Do you want to tell me about it..?" he asked cautiously. I looked back up at him.
"I'd rather not right now," I said quietly. He nodded and went on to the next question. I told him about how my dad's engaged, and that I don't care for her at all. He's never really home, so I'm on my own much of the time. I've always wanted to do horseback riding, but my dad thought it was dangerous. I'm scared of heights; and I hate rude people. We went on and on, some of the questions we asked each other weren't even on the list of questions to answer.
I didn't mind talking to Blake now. In fact, it was a lot of fun. Before, I'd told myself I would only give direct answers; don't add anything he didn't need to know. But I didn't. I told him a lot more than I had expected to.
But I still kept some secrets.
Shaun
I wonder, sometimes, if she ever thinks of me.
If she knows that I kept only one picture of her. Anything else was just too painful. In the picture, she doesn't know I am taking it until the camera flash goes off. She has been sitting at the desk in her old bedroom, and she is half-smiling.
**************************************************
I walk up to her, not breaking eye contact. Nothing existed but her.
The little girl was perched on her hip.
I trailed my fingers down her jawline. She still didn't move.
"Why did you leave?"
I wonder, sometimes, if she ever thinks of me.
If she knows that I kept only one picture of her. Anything else was just too painful. In the picture, she doesn't know I am taking it until the camera flash goes off. She has been sitting at the desk in her old bedroom, and she is half-smiling.
**************************************************
I walk up to her, not breaking eye contact. Nothing existed but her.
The little girl was perched on her hip.
I trailed my fingers down her jawline. She still didn't move.
"Why did you leave?"
Time is just a thing.
You can't ever have to little.
You can always have enough.
But when you look at it,
our lives are just a piece.
A piece of what time has to give.
So why not live the fullest,
to what we can.
Why waste it wishing,
on something you'll never have.
Let time do its own thing,
so we can do ours.
You see time is mysterious.
It controls our lives.
And in one quick second,
our time may be up.
So take what you're given,
and give nothing back.
With time nothing is ever what it seems.
You can't ever have to little.
You can always have enough.
But when you look at it,
our lives are just a piece.
A piece of what time has to give.
So why not live the fullest,
to what we can.
Why waste it wishing,
on something you'll never have.
Let time do its own thing,
so we can do ours.
You see time is mysterious.
It controls our lives.
And in one quick second,
our time may be up.
So take what you're given,
and give nothing back.
With time nothing is ever what it seems.
I'm just drifting, drifting down this road.
The dust kicking up behind me,
Just a cloud to hide my past.
My feet don't leave any footprints,
My name never graces those lips
That I'm watching from a distance,
A distance that grows greater
As I'm drifting, drifting down this road.
I'm not on the way to anything great,
I'm just hiding, hiding down in the dark.
The shadows closing in around me,
Just a blanket to smother my past.
My eyes can't see in the gloom,
My voice never breaks the silence
That I keep deep in my heart,
A heart that grows blacker
As I'm drifting, drifting in the dark.