I stayed in my room the whole next day. Blair must've come in my room last night after our little confrontation, and removed any sharp objects. My fine-tooth comb is gone. My left arm stung a lot; I was starting to regret doing that a little bit.
I did feel better though.
No one bothered me today. I'd heard someone near my door in the mid-morning, but I heard Blair whisper, "No dear. Let her rest."
I slept most of the day, but I started to get a little anxious in the late afternoon. I paced around for a while, cleaned up a bit, and tried to sleep but couldn't. Then a while later, I gave up and went downstairs. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, with blood on my shirt. My face was stained with dried tears. I had two thick bloody scars down my arm. The top layer of my hair was cut very choppily and crappy. Needless to say, I don't really care how I look right now.
"Hey Dear," Blair said when I came down.
"Hi," I said quietly. I looked around.
"They went to the park," she said. "I thought you'd like some peace and quiet."
"Thanks," I said. "But you didn't have to do that."
"That's alright," she smiled. "When they get back, and Jori gets home, I was thinking we could go to the mall. We could get you and your sisters some new clothes... We should probably get you a haircut..." She lightly messed with the hair that I cut. "I'm sure they could fix this up."
Blair took me to the upstairs bathroom. She put some Vaseline on the cuts, and then wrapped my arm in gauze.
"Better?" she asked. I shrugged.
"Hey Mom," Jori said, sticking her head into the bathroom. "Whoa..." her eyes widened. Ugh. My face blushed and I turned away. Blair probably gave her daughter the death glare because she didn't say anything else.
"Jori, we're going to the mall. You wanna come?" she asked.
"Sure," she said. "Let me just get my stuff."
We rode in Blair's car. This was the first time I'd ever been in a car, except for when I was arrested. I didn't count that time. I was too worried to enjoy it. I loved riding in the car. It took us far, in a quick amount of time. Plus, we didn't have to walk!
The mall was huge. It had so many stores in it, it was unbelievable. And so many people... I stuck close to Paige, almost holding her hand. As much as it was fascinating to be here, it was also scary. Blair took me to the hair salon. I almost flipped out. A woman, who I had no clue who she was, sat me in the this chair, leaned me back, and poured water all over my hair. No warning, no nothing. I was clenching my teeth so hard I though tthey'd shatter. Then she dried my hair a little bit, then started touching my hair, running her fingers through my scalp, and snipping it with scissors. I was petrified. And Blair and Jori just stood there, unamused, like this was perfectly normal. It creeped me out. People do this on a regular basis? Let complete strangers touch them? Oh. My. God.
The lady cut my hair, making it look like I hadn't cut mine with a kitchen knife. She cut it a little bit shorter than it used to be. As for the parts that I cut, she shaped it so it was a little spiky. My bangs, were spiked up too. I actually liked it. But still, I was eager to get out of there.
After that, we went and got some new clothes. Blair chose most of the stuff. We're not big on shopping. But I liked the clothes she picked out for me. I didn't complain.
"Um, thank you," I mumbled when we got home. "For everything."
"No problem," Blair smiled. "I just want you girls to be comfortable." She put her arm around me and pulled me into a hug. I actually smiled. I liked Blair. She was nice, caring... She was a good mother.
Not like someone else.
***
The next day, Blair announced we had an errand to run today.
"What for?" Kirsten asked.
"You'll see," she replied.
She took us to this strange building. I didn't know what it was, but a man took Paige, Kirsten and I to a room, with a bunch of desks and chairs. Blair stayed out in the hall. My heart beat picked up.
"Have a seat," he told us. We all sat near each other. Kirsten and I looked at Paige worriedly. What was going on?! The man handed out a bunch of papers to us, then pencils. "Fill out what you know," he said. I looked down at the papers he'd handed me. The front cover had "Grade Placement Test" filled out on it. I opened it up, and tried to fill in the answers.
What. The. Hell.
I barely knew half the things on this test! What the fuck is algebra?! It looked somewhat like math, with numbers, but why do they call it that?! And what the hell is a "Periodic Table of Elements"?! I did as best as I could, and I finished with a splitting headache. I guessed on the questions I didn't know. It took me almost three hours to finish.
After all three of us were done, the man took us back to Blair.
"We'll have the results in a couple days," he said, then left us. I looked at Blair.
"What was that?" Kirsten squeaked before I could manage to say anything.
"That was a test to see what grade you're going to be in," she replied calmly.
"What," we breathed. I could barely hear her from the thudding in my ears. I felt sick to my stomach.
"You girls are going to start school!" she said cheerfully. "If you're going to live with us, you might as well go to school..." My head spun. From what I remembered of school... The teasing, hair pulling, laughter, crying... I remember being up past midnight trying to do homework because Mom refused to help. I remember the kids, how terrible and cruel they were... I shook my head.
"No!" I said. "I don't want to go to school!"
"Shelby, it'll be fun!" Blair responded. I shook my head faster.
"No," I whispered. But she ignored me. Instead, she took us back home, where Jori was eagerly waiting.
"So? Did you find out?" she asked.
"We'll find out in a couple days," Blair said. Jori groaned, then smiled at me.
"I hope we're in the same grade! Tenth grade is awesome! It's so much fun! I'll show you around, and maybe we'll have classes together! Even if you're a freshman, I'll still show you around," she said kindly. Still, this didn't ease my anxiety.
That night, when I went to sleep, I had a nightmare. It was more of a flashback, really.
"Shelby, you can go now," the principal said. I nodded and sniffed, leaving the office. I went to the principal's often. I wasn't crying because I'd gotten in trouble, though. I used my sleeve to wipe the blood from my lip, which was now puffy and cut.
I went to the hallway, where Kendal and Alex were waiting their turns. They glared at me as I left.
"If you told on us," Kendal said, shaking his head.
"You'll be sorry," Alex finished. I looked away and walked quickly down the hall. Maybe we'd have inside recess today. It looked like it was going to rain. I hoped we would; they wouldn't do anything with the teacher there.
Kendal and Alex weren't kidding.
"You bitch!" Alex shouted at outdoor recess. All the other kids froze. We were in third grade; you were badass if you called someone an idiot. I gasped and ran away, up the stairs of the playground to the slide.
They surrounded me on the bridge. Kendal grabbed my hair and pulled me down, while Alex punched me in the face. I cried out when his fist hit me in the eye. I tried to fight back, pushing and kicking at them. We scuffled for a while, and I received many hits, then they pushed me. I fell down the slide, backwards, landing on the ground.
I couldn't breathe.
I tried to sit up, gasping for air, as the other kids stood there staring at me. I tried to tell them to get help, but I couldn't find the words. Black spots appeared, and then I passed out.
I woke up in my bed, gasping for air. My hair was a mess, and I was all sweaty. I panted for a while, trying to calm myself down. I closed my eyes, and took deep breaths. It's over. It's over. That had been the last day of school. After that, Mom took me out of school; but not because of that. Because she couldn't afford it and she saw it as a waste of time. I was grateful for it anyways.
I couldn't sleep at all the rest of the night.
I did feel better though.
No one bothered me today. I'd heard someone near my door in the mid-morning, but I heard Blair whisper, "No dear. Let her rest."
I slept most of the day, but I started to get a little anxious in the late afternoon. I paced around for a while, cleaned up a bit, and tried to sleep but couldn't. Then a while later, I gave up and went downstairs. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, with blood on my shirt. My face was stained with dried tears. I had two thick bloody scars down my arm. The top layer of my hair was cut very choppily and crappy. Needless to say, I don't really care how I look right now.
"Hey Dear," Blair said when I came down.
"Hi," I said quietly. I looked around.
"They went to the park," she said. "I thought you'd like some peace and quiet."
"Thanks," I said. "But you didn't have to do that."
"That's alright," she smiled. "When they get back, and Jori gets home, I was thinking we could go to the mall. We could get you and your sisters some new clothes... We should probably get you a haircut..." She lightly messed with the hair that I cut. "I'm sure they could fix this up."
Blair took me to the upstairs bathroom. She put some Vaseline on the cuts, and then wrapped my arm in gauze.
"Better?" she asked. I shrugged.
"Hey Mom," Jori said, sticking her head into the bathroom. "Whoa..." her eyes widened. Ugh. My face blushed and I turned away. Blair probably gave her daughter the death glare because she didn't say anything else.
"Jori, we're going to the mall. You wanna come?" she asked.
"Sure," she said. "Let me just get my stuff."
We rode in Blair's car. This was the first time I'd ever been in a car, except for when I was arrested. I didn't count that time. I was too worried to enjoy it. I loved riding in the car. It took us far, in a quick amount of time. Plus, we didn't have to walk!
The mall was huge. It had so many stores in it, it was unbelievable. And so many people... I stuck close to Paige, almost holding her hand. As much as it was fascinating to be here, it was also scary. Blair took me to the hair salon. I almost flipped out. A woman, who I had no clue who she was, sat me in the this chair, leaned me back, and poured water all over my hair. No warning, no nothing. I was clenching my teeth so hard I though tthey'd shatter. Then she dried my hair a little bit, then started touching my hair, running her fingers through my scalp, and snipping it with scissors. I was petrified. And Blair and Jori just stood there, unamused, like this was perfectly normal. It creeped me out. People do this on a regular basis? Let complete strangers touch them? Oh. My. God.
The lady cut my hair, making it look like I hadn't cut mine with a kitchen knife. She cut it a little bit shorter than it used to be. As for the parts that I cut, she shaped it so it was a little spiky. My bangs, were spiked up too. I actually liked it. But still, I was eager to get out of there.
After that, we went and got some new clothes. Blair chose most of the stuff. We're not big on shopping. But I liked the clothes she picked out for me. I didn't complain.
"Um, thank you," I mumbled when we got home. "For everything."
"No problem," Blair smiled. "I just want you girls to be comfortable." She put her arm around me and pulled me into a hug. I actually smiled. I liked Blair. She was nice, caring... She was a good mother.
Not like someone else.
***
The next day, Blair announced we had an errand to run today.
"What for?" Kirsten asked.
"You'll see," she replied.
She took us to this strange building. I didn't know what it was, but a man took Paige, Kirsten and I to a room, with a bunch of desks and chairs. Blair stayed out in the hall. My heart beat picked up.
"Have a seat," he told us. We all sat near each other. Kirsten and I looked at Paige worriedly. What was going on?! The man handed out a bunch of papers to us, then pencils. "Fill out what you know," he said. I looked down at the papers he'd handed me. The front cover had "Grade Placement Test" filled out on it. I opened it up, and tried to fill in the answers.
What. The. Hell.
I barely knew half the things on this test! What the fuck is algebra?! It looked somewhat like math, with numbers, but why do they call it that?! And what the hell is a "Periodic Table of Elements"?! I did as best as I could, and I finished with a splitting headache. I guessed on the questions I didn't know. It took me almost three hours to finish.
After all three of us were done, the man took us back to Blair.
"We'll have the results in a couple days," he said, then left us. I looked at Blair.
"What was that?" Kirsten squeaked before I could manage to say anything.
"That was a test to see what grade you're going to be in," she replied calmly.
"What," we breathed. I could barely hear her from the thudding in my ears. I felt sick to my stomach.
"You girls are going to start school!" she said cheerfully. "If you're going to live with us, you might as well go to school..." My head spun. From what I remembered of school... The teasing, hair pulling, laughter, crying... I remember being up past midnight trying to do homework because Mom refused to help. I remember the kids, how terrible and cruel they were... I shook my head.
"No!" I said. "I don't want to go to school!"
"Shelby, it'll be fun!" Blair responded. I shook my head faster.
"No," I whispered. But she ignored me. Instead, she took us back home, where Jori was eagerly waiting.
"So? Did you find out?" she asked.
"We'll find out in a couple days," Blair said. Jori groaned, then smiled at me.
"I hope we're in the same grade! Tenth grade is awesome! It's so much fun! I'll show you around, and maybe we'll have classes together! Even if you're a freshman, I'll still show you around," she said kindly. Still, this didn't ease my anxiety.
That night, when I went to sleep, I had a nightmare. It was more of a flashback, really.
"Shelby, you can go now," the principal said. I nodded and sniffed, leaving the office. I went to the principal's often. I wasn't crying because I'd gotten in trouble, though. I used my sleeve to wipe the blood from my lip, which was now puffy and cut.
I went to the hallway, where Kendal and Alex were waiting their turns. They glared at me as I left.
"If you told on us," Kendal said, shaking his head.
"You'll be sorry," Alex finished. I looked away and walked quickly down the hall. Maybe we'd have inside recess today. It looked like it was going to rain. I hoped we would; they wouldn't do anything with the teacher there.
Kendal and Alex weren't kidding.
"You bitch!" Alex shouted at outdoor recess. All the other kids froze. We were in third grade; you were badass if you called someone an idiot. I gasped and ran away, up the stairs of the playground to the slide.
They surrounded me on the bridge. Kendal grabbed my hair and pulled me down, while Alex punched me in the face. I cried out when his fist hit me in the eye. I tried to fight back, pushing and kicking at them. We scuffled for a while, and I received many hits, then they pushed me. I fell down the slide, backwards, landing on the ground.
I couldn't breathe.
I tried to sit up, gasping for air, as the other kids stood there staring at me. I tried to tell them to get help, but I couldn't find the words. Black spots appeared, and then I passed out.
I woke up in my bed, gasping for air. My hair was a mess, and I was all sweaty. I panted for a while, trying to calm myself down. I closed my eyes, and took deep breaths. It's over. It's over. That had been the last day of school. After that, Mom took me out of school; but not because of that. Because she couldn't afford it and she saw it as a waste of time. I was grateful for it anyways.
I couldn't sleep at all the rest of the night.
I come home and their fighting.
I hate it! I want to tell them to stop.
But I cant, because Im stuck in the middle.
They tug me, playing with me.
I cant handle the pain!
When I go to school no one can see my pain.
I fake my happiness.
I want to go hide in a corner and cry.
But I cant.
Because no one lends a shoulder to cry on.
My friends dont understand!
I come home again, and my parents pull me.
Ripping my heart like a angry raven.
My siblings, they... they... leave me there. Alone.
I feel alone.
Deserted.
No where I feel happy.
Because Im alone.
Why cant anyone see?
Why cant my parents stop fighting?
Why cant my friends lend a hand?
Why cant my siblings pull me to my feet?
Why am I alone?
I hate it! I want to tell them to stop.
But I cant, because Im stuck in the middle.
They tug me, playing with me.
I cant handle the pain!
When I go to school no one can see my pain.
I fake my happiness.
I want to go hide in a corner and cry.
But I cant.
Because no one lends a shoulder to cry on.
My friends dont understand!
I come home again, and my parents pull me.
Ripping my heart like a angry raven.
My siblings, they... they... leave me there. Alone.
I feel alone.
Deserted.
No where I feel happy.
Because Im alone.
Why cant anyone see?
Why cant my parents stop fighting?
Why cant my friends lend a hand?
Why cant my siblings pull me to my feet?
Why am I alone?