I had no sense of time passing as I stared at the wall. I couldn't move, couldn't relax the tight ball that my body was curled into. I tried to think of how long I had stayed in this position. I guessed it had been about two months. It had been two months since I last went hunting. I had gone alone, and when I had come back I had collapsed on the floor, unable to move. I wondered vaguely why I didn't feel thirsty. Then I dismissed the thought, for I couldn't feel anything anymore. I just felt numb all over, except in the one place where I would have welcomed the numbness: my mind.
I could only feel three emotions as I laid there: anger, sadness, and regret. Anger- at me- for hurting Bella so bad. Sadness, because I missed Bella more than words could ever explain. Regret. Regret for leaving her. I wished I hadn't...
I WISHED I HADN'T!!! The words screamed in my mind. Suddenly, all kinds of emotions broke through an invisible barrier and flooded my mind. Love, despair, sentiment, agony, worry, concern, caring, ...love. Suddenly, I sat up. I realized I didn't want to be in this room...alone...without Bella anymore. I was done. I was giving up. I stood up. I was going back to my love, life, my purpose...I was going back to my Bella.
I was out of the room in a flash. I wanted so bad to be back with her, to hold her, to stroke her, to kiss her. Did she even love me anymore? Would she forgive me? As I ran, I thought of how much danger Bella must have been in while I had been gone. My little danger magnet...could she have lasted this long without me? Was she even alive? The thought frightened me beyond words and I ran faster.
I was almost to Washington by the sun went down, still obscured behind clouds. A very bleak day turned into a hopeful night. I knew that it would not be long before I reached her.
I could feel myself getting closer to her with every speedy step I took. Anticipation swelled within me. I couldn't get to her fast enough...
I ran into Forks at about nine o'clock. I was at her house after a minute. I didn't hesitate, running quickly behind the house and scaling the wall. I clamped my hands on the windowsill and cautiously peeked through the window into her room.
Sure enough, my Bella was there. She was a little different than I remembered...she was skinnier, paler, more tired-looking. There were dark circles under her eyes. And she looked sadder as well.
She was not alone in her room. I could not recognize who it was at first, but then it hit me... it was Jacob Black, that filthy werewolf. He and Bella were sitting on her bed, talking. They laughed a lot... too much, I thought. Too much for my liking. However, I noticed that when Bella laughed, it didn't touch her eyes. I remembered how when she used to laugh, her eyes would light up and sparkle and melt my heart. But now when she laughed, her eyes remained dull, blank, and... dead.
I could hear Jacob's thoughts. "I think she's finally coming around...but she still looks kind of sad. I wonder when she'll finally get over him..." I tried to tune out the rest of his thoughts, to just focus on Bella, but his mind just wouldn't shut up. It was obvious, hearing his stupid thoughts, that he was in love with my Bella. I wondered if she felt the same way, and was angered yet again that I couldn't read her mind.
As I sat staring at her, I noticed a small scratch on her arm. Suddenly, I was maddened at myself again, because I knew if I had been there with her, I could have prevented whatever had caused the scratch, and she wouldn't have gone through that pain. I was absolutely furious at myself.
Finally the dog left. As he hugged her good-bye, I felt the sudden urge to tear him apart, piece by piece. Jealousy paralyzed me.
At last Bella was alone. I watched her as she sighed, and laid down on her bed, on top of the covers. Her blank eyes stared at the ceiling. Her face was expressionless. After a moment I couldn't stand it any longer. I opened the window slowly, and stepped into her room. She didn't seem to see me.
I slowly walked to her side. She still stared at the ceiling. I slowly reached out and touched her arm, and at the same time, I spoke. "Bella," I said softly. I watched as her eyes stopped staring at the ceiling, and focused on me. Her expression was horrified. She moaned saying, "Oh no, not again!" Her voice was pained. "They're getting worse," she said to herself. She shook her head slowly.
"What's getting worse, Bella?" I asked gently. She stared at me with a pained expression. "The hallucinations," she finally said, quietly.
What??? She'd been having hallucinations??? Oh, how much pain I had caused her!!!
"Bella," I said hastily, "This isn't a hallucination. I'm really here." She didn't look convinced. "Could your hallucination Edwards do this?" I asked her, as I slid my arms under her and pulled her up, holding her against my chest. Her eyes grew wide. She shook her head again, slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. "No," she whispered. And she threw her arms around me.
I held her tighter, as tight as I dared. She buried her head into my chest. I heard her heart beating frantically. I smiled to myself and kissed the top of her head. She just tightened her hold around me, as if she never wanted to let me go. The thought made me feel happier than I had ever felt before.
After a while I sat down on the edge of her bed. I kept her cradled against my chest. "Bella," I said, "words can never express how sorry I am. I should have never left you, I wish I hadn't. I was wrong... I can't imagine the pain I put you through. I know I just came back to you, but I need to ask you something. I can't wait a moment longer." She pulled her face from my chest and stared at me, her eyes gleaming. "Bella, will you be mine again?" I saw a smile light up her face and touch her eyes. They lit up again, sparkling and dancing in the light. "Yes, Edward," she whispered, "Of course I will."
The feeling that surged through me then was stronger than anything I'd felt before. A million emotions swam through me, relief being the main one. I held her tighter, and bent my head down to kiss her cheek. I pressed my face into her hair, and sighed contentedly.
Finally, I asked her, after a little bit of hesitation, but with true curiosity, "So, how many near-death experiences have you had while I've been gone?" This seemed to be a question she didn't want to answer. She finally did though, reluctantly. "Just two. I was almost killed by Laurent, and I almost drowned." She flushed. "Oh yeah, and one of Jacob's werewolf friend tried to attack me," she added. There seemed to be something she was keeping from me. I noticed a faded scar on her forehead. I shuddered. I could have prevented all these things, and she was almost...killed...because of me. Yet again.
My Bella sure was a little danger magnet. I was never going to leave her again.