Writing Article: heart of the soilder

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posted by delta117

i awoke pain everywhere it felt like my skin was melting but yet i did not scream traing kicked in and i found my black armoar to any normal sentient bieng it would be like an anchor but i am not normal am i after that i grabbed my weapons the first was a set of 2 curved assian knifes curved and made for my hands second standard ar rifle it had no scope only sights all i needed to kill at 100 yards third a shotgun normal used in swat teams tactical 12 guage shot gun pump action forth 44mm glock i holousterd it and my knifes my knifes at arm length pistol on my hip then an explosion rocked my cell and soilders poured in i dispathed them with my a.r 5 dead hundreds to go i stepped outr my cell through the hole my enemy s made my radio head set in my helmet crackled to life " mac come in mack this is alpha team we are in poisition" i paused looked for any more targets and replied " copy that alpha team this is mac i am on my way any word frombeta or omega?" " beta's in poistion no word from alpha but stats says they're alive alpha team out" good know i could get my three teams out of this base and get back to the HQ. down a carfully polished corridor i searched for the enemy no sighn it was eerily quiet the only noises were the sound of my boots hitting thewaxed floor and my silent controled breathing that was bad.after three floors up i found some action i had switched to my shotgun for close combat. two teams of well trained soilders 2 sets of guns aimed at my head 2 easy. each team consitsted of five soilders so there wetre tenguns pointed at me i had a small windo w of 3 minutes to kill them or they would have help so i targetetd the first team i shot two of them dead an injured one there i shot the injurd one and got knocked on my back by a smg i lifted my pistol up as i fell and shot my shooter in his face he crumpled to the ground then the other was stuned a how i had killed his theam in four seconds i keep time on this stuff then i knocked him in the neck with the handel of my gun and he fell to the groungd he had a broken thacea and larenix instant death i reholstered my pistol and and picked up an anti-personal fragmentatin grenade from a dead soilderpulled the pin and threw it at team 2 it landed in the center and blosumed into a firey flower of shrapnel i pulled my pisol back out and checked the bodies one injure d1 shot in the head changed that all others dead in 7 seconds i was good

Bibelot and Cullen-fan like this

Cullen-fan That was really good do you write alot?

harold This was a little hard to read at first, since there was hardly any punctuation at all, but by the end I was getting into it more. You might play with verb tense a bit more if you are going for the stream-of-consciousness writing; present tense and 1st person perspective work well together, particularly if you intend to spell words phonetically because the character wouldn't know any better. A good example of this (in my opinion) is the novel [u]Feersum Endjin[/u] - large parts are written in first person, present tense, from the perspective of a warrior who spells everything phonetically. I think moving into present tense would make the other stuff seem more intentional. I'm interested to see more, and particularly curious about the cause of the pain he feels in the beginning. I also like the humorous bits, like the aside "i keep time on this stuff" in the middle of the fight. Some suggestions: proofread after taking a break from writing the piece, so that you can view it with fresh eyes. The spelling may be intentional, and it works, but the words blending together "soilderpulled", "tenguns", "thewaxed" don't work as well for me. Also, you should check which team is talking to which team: "no word from alpha but stats says they're alive alpha team out" Whether or not you decide to switch it to present tense, it's got a lot of energy and it flows quickly. I'm interested to see where you go with it.

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Wanting Someone - Chapter Thirteen

posted by Lindy52

A/N: WARNING! SEX SCENE BUT NOT THAT TYPE OF SEX BECAUSE I GET WELL, UNWELL OF THAT BUT STILL READABLE! ALSO, THIS CHAPTER HAD A VERY IMPORTANT ENDING, I THINK.

Chapter Thirteen

When Jamie and Sean got inside Jamie’s home, put the bags of food on the kitchen counter, put Jake in his playpen and gave him a toy to play with, and the moment they saw a smiling Jake and completely ignoring them by admiring his toy, Jamie and Sean grinned at each other and to get it started, they ran upstairs to Jamie’s bedroom and closed the door.

The moment they got inside, Jamie got rid of Sean’s light blue...

Who Knew?

posted by rebaj2010

Chapter 1

Looking back i regret everything i did to her. not only was she the best thing in my life she was also the only thing.
A cool breeze comes rushing through the open door to the warehouse. Samsion walks in with a case of beer.
"Finally, stupid ass, took you long enough." a guy comment from the back.
All the Mexicanos in the room tackle my best friend for the beers and he come sits with me. we just sit there, he knows i dont want to talk. he gets up and hands me a beer, giving me a sypathatic look that pisses me off. i dont want sympathy, i want Rebecca.
"You know you can talk about it with...

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When Writing....

added by sapherequeen

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It's hard, but you'll get threw it.

posted by TOTALFan

Kyle:Krissa, it's ok, everything will be fine.

Krissa:No it won't!!!How can he do this to me!...how can he do this to us!

Me:He didn't...he did it to be happy.

Krissa looked at me with watery eyes, tears falling, dripping from her face.

Kyle:Kris, he is your father, but he just needs to move on and live a happier life.

Me:Exactly, he never wanted to hurt you like this, he loves you, but he loves her, too.

Krissa:If he did love me, he'd dump that barbie!

Kyle looked at me, I looked at him.

Kyle:She needs some time alone.

I nodded.
I hurt the thump sound of when Krissa jumps on her bed.

Me:Maybe she'll grow out of it in a few days...

Kyle:Or a few years...why is she so...upset of her dad getting married?

Me:Well, when she went to visit him, she was just there, he never told her.She got mad and came right back.

Kyle:Well that IS upsetting.

Me:No kidding.

the first life

posted by dbzfan5

CHAPTER 1* the deepest abyss* in the ocean in the deepest abyss were no sign of light could be found little particles started to come together forming a strange creature that had the head of a human but as pail as the skin on a grate Wight, a shark fin on its back, gills on the outer skin were its lungs are, arms of a praying mantis, six gel like tentacles on its back, with the body and legs of a human! Two of them were made one boy one girl they quickly swam to shore *CHAPTER 2 there’s more of us* we got up to shore and found a little island and swam to it finding more like us! Peek the...

Derek Landy

added by darkwave

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Seeking Eden

posted by Cinders

It has been said that those with no words often have the most to say.

New York City, circa 1992.

He was quiet, a secret sort of troubled, his hands buried deep into his pockets as he wandered the slums of a black city, a heavy shadow cast over the sky that was too dark for the stars to penetrate.

She was a bloodnut and she watched him from the shadows, her dead heart rattling inside of her empty chest. She launched herself at him and latched onto his arm like a leech, beginning to beg, offering services in exchange for the substance she craved so much. Just a taste, she said, she promised that...

smart cockker

added by smartcockker

dd

added by goood

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Alright, so I'm writing a story, and I want your opinions.

posted by savvy99

This is just an excerpt, so it might be kinda confusing, but still, let me know please!

"    She was surrounded, there was no way to go, no where to turn. Circling around, trying to formulate a plan, a stab of pain coursed through her veins, bringing her to her knees. Another shot brought her a face-full of colorful carpet. Someone from behind tied her hands together in some unknown bindings and pinned her thrashing body to the ground with the help of a few others.
    “Check her.”
    That voice… where Have I heard it before?
    One...

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Writing

added by zanhar1

ssss

added by shaarabi

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I ♥ Writing

added by Andressa_Weld

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A true story

posted by inexplicable

The last time

The day was gray and it was raining outside. There were hardly any people seen on the streets, but I ran, soaked by the rain, down the street. I walked toward a house, but went unnoticed on the opposite side of the street. I looked up to the building and reminded me again at that time, to events to which I recalled many years later. It is in this house he lived not too long ago. Whether we were just friends, or maybe even more than that, I still do not know. I called me back the memory of an evening that was not even long ago. We were in his room and he played me on the piano before...

quran

added by darga

Writing

added by ZekiYuro

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My special halloween

posted by Theatre_Freak

Once upon a time there was a little place called the 13 colonies. In one of these colonies lived little old m,e Angelina, but there was something different. In my colony, everyone was the same; we all had animals grew crops and so on, but I was special. Originally, I lived in Paris, France with my mother and father. After my father died when I was just a baby, my mother noticed that I had a gift that only few had in our family. I was a Witch.
My mother feared for my safety and made a deal with her sister. Her sister was a specialist in the dark arts of magic. Mother didn't trust her, but she...

Writing

added by ZekiYuro

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Mary Sue

posted by Anudie

Once upon a time, in a perfect world there stood a perfect pink castle guarded by a perfect number of perfect fluffy horses and surrounded by a perfect wall of perfect pink flowers.
In the perfect castle there lived a perfect, perfect girl with a perfect life. Her perfect name was perfect: Serenity Lianna Honeyblossom Sweetytreat Sparkle Cupcake Beauty Mary Sue.
She was always paid by authors to star in their books and act like the perfect dream girl; aka a Mary Sue. She lived in Storyland, where all the ideal characters lived until they were picked for a story and then dropped back in after....

Help? Ideas, anyone?

posted by cute20k

Hi! I was writing a novel a while back, but I got distracted. I have only written the first chapter. I feel as if I need better names for the characters. I believe I'm going to edit the first chapter a lot and bring in some other characters. For the main 2 characters I was thinking I would name them something foreign that has a meaning to do with love, to be a little cutesy. Also, title suggestions would help! If you choose to follow the link below the female character's description, let me know if you have any names for the 2 cheerleaders mentioned.

Edit: For 'Jo'/female I was looking up names...