Writing Article: heart of the soilder

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posted by delta117

i awoke pain everywhere it felt like my skin was melting but yet i did not scream traing kicked in and i found my black armoar to any normal sentient bieng it would be like an anchor but i am not normal am i after that i grabbed my weapons the first was a set of 2 curved assian knifes curved and made for my hands second standard ar rifle it had no scope only sights all i needed to kill at 100 yards third a shotgun normal used in swat teams tactical 12 guage shot gun pump action forth 44mm glock i holousterd it and my knifes my knifes at arm length pistol on my hip then an explosion rocked my cell and soilders poured in i dispathed them with my a.r 5 dead hundreds to go i stepped outr my cell through the hole my enemy s made my radio head set in my helmet crackled to life " mac come in mack this is alpha team we are in poisition" i paused looked for any more targets and replied " copy that alpha team this is mac i am on my way any word frombeta or omega?" " beta's in poistion no word from alpha but stats says they're alive alpha team out" good know i could get my three teams out of this base and get back to the HQ. down a carfully polished corridor i searched for the enemy no sighn it was eerily quiet the only noises were the sound of my boots hitting thewaxed floor and my silent controled breathing that was bad.after three floors up i found some action i had switched to my shotgun for close combat. two teams of well trained soilders 2 sets of guns aimed at my head 2 easy. each team consitsted of five soilders so there wetre tenguns pointed at me i had a small windo w of 3 minutes to kill them or they would have help so i targetetd the first team i shot two of them dead an injured one there i shot the injurd one and got knocked on my back by a smg i lifted my pistol up as i fell and shot my shooter in his face he crumpled to the ground then the other was stuned a how i had killed his theam in four seconds i keep time on this stuff then i knocked him in the neck with the handel of my gun and he fell to the groungd he had a broken thacea and larenix instant death i reholstered my pistol and and picked up an anti-personal fragmentatin grenade from a dead soilderpulled the pin and threw it at team 2 it landed in the center and blosumed into a firey flower of shrapnel i pulled my pisol back out and checked the bodies one injure d1 shot in the head changed that all others dead in 7 seconds i was good

Bibelot and Cullen-fan like this

Cullen-fan That was really good do you write alot?

harold This was a little hard to read at first, since there was hardly any punctuation at all, but by the end I was getting into it more. You might play with verb tense a bit more if you are going for the stream-of-consciousness writing; present tense and 1st person perspective work well together, particularly if you intend to spell words phonetically because the character wouldn't know any better. A good example of this (in my opinion) is the novel [u]Feersum Endjin[/u] - large parts are written in first person, present tense, from the perspective of a warrior who spells everything phonetically. I think moving into present tense would make the other stuff seem more intentional. I'm interested to see more, and particularly curious about the cause of the pain he feels in the beginning. I also like the humorous bits, like the aside "i keep time on this stuff" in the middle of the fight. Some suggestions: proofread after taking a break from writing the piece, so that you can view it with fresh eyes. The spelling may be intentional, and it works, but the words blending together "soilderpulled", "tenguns", "thewaxed" don't work as well for me. Also, you should check which team is talking to which team: "no word from alpha but stats says they're alive alpha team out" Whether or not you decide to switch it to present tense, it's got a lot of energy and it flows quickly. I'm interested to see where you go with it.

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My Dream3

posted by coriann

I was at home eating dinner and drinking with my friends. We were all laughing "No they hated me i swear. Anyway, you wanted to know why i was late."
"Come on, tell us" said Selia
"Alright....I met this guy in a cult."
They all bursted out laughing
"No I'm serious, he was crazy. Found him down the back road. He calls me, the lion."
They all got serious "Well lets go" said Mandy.
"Lets all go" said Frankie
I smiled but I bet the expression on my face was (are you serious?)
We all walked into the cult. Now I don't believe i explained it properly last time. There were big front doors. Orange brown with...

R U allergic to mornings?

posted by ZekiYuro

Are yousomebody who can't wake up in the morning?Do you need 2 cups of coffee before you can start a new day?Do you feel awful when you first wake up?

Scientists say it's all because of our genes.How did they find it out?Researchers from the University of Surrey interviewed 500 people.They asked them questions about their lifestyle,for example what time of day they preferred to do exerscise and how difficult they found it to wake up in the morning.Scientists then compared their answers to the people's DNA.

They discovered that we all have a "clock" gene,also called a Period 3 gene.This gene can...

the dream[or was it?]

posted by Sutelc22

i still wonder...was it a dream...was i obducted by aliens and in a illucive state of mind...what happened to me? i was lying on my bed fading in fading out,ithink i went to sleep but i couldnt tell i could still see all the things around me in my room.the alarm clock,the lamp,which was still on,all the things in my room wre still the same.theonly things that were different was that i was paralyzed,icould not move no matter how hard i tried.there was a loud ringing in my ears.i tryed to wake up but i couldnt.then it happened.i was levitated over my bed about four feet.i could not move nor speak.i...

The God Helpers Chaoter 5

posted by DxCFan123

I felt sick and went to the bathroom. I felt sick, but nothing was happening. Then, class ended. The fire alarm started to ring through the hall ways. Everyone was screaming. I realized the fire was right in the hallway of the bathrooms. I barely opened the door to find red monsters in the middle of the fire. I tripped and fell out of the doorway. They saw me and before I knew it, I was tied up and being gagged with a cloth. They left me by the fire. Everyone was trying to find the fire. Bruno appeared in the hallway. Bruno ran to me, going through the flames without a scratch, burn, or injury.....

Save Me Ch. 7

posted by para-scence

I stayed in my room all day on Sunday, coming out once or twice to use the restroom down the hall. I didn't see Dad at all that day, which was a plus. Not enough to ease my remorse, though. I wanted so much to run to Micah and get the hell away from here. He, after all, was the only thing keeping me from killing myself right at this moment.

On Monday though, Dad knocked on my door, not so violently this time.

"Alessa! Get up now before you're late!" I dragged my limp body over to my closet and got dressed. I finished getting ready, and then was out the door. I missed Micah; I was late. I probably...