Two things were killing me at the moment.The fact that It was raining like crazy on his horrible to school,the day of school where I had to face my dreaded ex and try to hold back either my tears or punching him in the face.by the way,I completely wanted to do both at this moment.The second was that whole desperately in love moment with Juaney.I was mad the the "mystery girl" that Juan had fallen so hard for and she have no freaking idea.I hate seeing Juan like this.Yes at the moment he is very proactive of me but I can tell now that he just doing that so I won't look into or figure his true feelings about this girl.This girl that seems to really have Juan's heart,and this girl that keeps that braking it.It's so retarded and mean by the way.
I felt my heart drop as we made the last turn into the parking lot.Juan slowly turned off the engine.I think Juan also wanted to give Joel a punch in the face.I couldn't blame him though.I rubbed Juan's arm slowly signaling for him to just calm down.But I wish I would just take my own advice for once.But how am I suppose to be calm in this situation.I'm stuck in this crap hoe for a eight hours and since everything had just happened on Friday....the school knew.Lulu was like the tabloids at our school but she was the tabloids at our school all by herself.Not even counting her air-headed,pig-snorting laughing best friends.
This was ridiculous.All of this.Just all of it.I wasn't sure I was even gong to get out of the car. I seriously considered tuning the Range Rover back on and crashing into the school's building but than again,It was Juan's car and even if I were to do that,I wouldn't die.Which I wish would happen right now.
Oh crap,Joel just passed Juan and I,of course having Lulu in the passenger seat.That nice blood red Camero didn't seem so nice anymore.That place where Lulu was sitting was my seat.I always sat there.For every date we ever had..that was my seat.But now she has her flat but in that seat..most likely having a wedgie but so caught up in her "like totally knew manicure" to do anything a bout it.Juan grabbed my arm and slowly kissed my forehead.Juan had done that since we were like in the fifth grade though.He did it because he was my best friend and that's all.Juan knew that comforted me whenever I was in a die mood.
The kiss helped me for a good two seconds and than the effect faded as I saw Lulu purposely gave Joel an unexpected,slimy,wet one.It was completely disgusting.Even Joel looked kind of turned off by it.And I saw Joel kind of push Lulu away,of course he knew what she was doing and he didn't need her making it worse between him and I.
I rolled my eyes at both of them and than I could of sworn I saw Juan do the "Edward Cullen stare."It was funny but I was to pissed off and heartbroken to laugh.
I just don't understand neither Joel nor Lulu.I don't understand how you could go from being my best friend and just completely be hitting on my boyfriend the whole time.Was she even my friend?I mean I knew she had a huge obsessive crush on Joel when we were dating but I thought Joel didn't really have an interest in her and I thought she would at least back off as long as I was with him.But she didn't.How the hell do you do all of that and not feel any guilt or regret after that?How can you be a total back-stabber and not care?
Or how could you be my boyfriend and flirt with this chick behind my back?Well it wasn't really behind my back cause I knew about it but I didn't make a huge deal out of it because that was the way Joel was with everybody.He talks to girls the same he would talk to guys and he would show-off and be all awesome the same way with both boys and girls ,so because of that every reason,I didn't think nothing of it.My mistake.
I know I shouldn't really blame myself for this but I do.I have never ever been able to blame Joel for almost anything.Even when it would seem like it is totally all his fault,I would blame myself for it.But don't think Joel made this happen.He was actually a perfect boyfriend.He hardly ever blamed me for stuff unless it was really really my fault.But even then,he would still take some blame.Joel would always get after me for thinking of me a the person to blame.He was like the sweetest person ever,(other than Juaney.)
I know a lot of people say this but I honestly did not see this coming.It really did seem perfect to me at least.I was completely shocked when Joel had told me everything.Joel didn't cheat on me though.For some reason he just couldn't do that with me or with his ex Jocelyn.The girl I though almost I would've certainly lost Joel to,but nope,that wasn't the case at all.
I knew Joel still loved me though.He loved me enough to let me go.The best thing he ever had,he let it go.I would've taken care of him and spoiled more than I already had.But it just didn't workout.There are no such things as accidents.God makes everything happen for a reason.So I know God will somehow give me something better I just had to look for it.
Juan gave me a another kiss on my forehead.Now I knew he was really worried.But I was too.All that thinking about Joel and how we use to be brought a huge ache to my chest and brought some steaming water to my eyes.Then I felt the first tear drop.Juan pulled me a side where no one could see us and just hugged as the tears rolled down my cheeks,burning them as they slide.All that frustration and anger and heart brake divided into little burning tears.The rain wasn't a huge help either.The rain and my tears both seemed to be mocking me.Mocking me of everything and it just made cry more.
I tried to stop.But it was so hard.Juan held me so tight that I didn't want to move from that spot.As Juan let go and wiped the last tear off my cheek and started to walk me to class I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.
"This is going to be one hell of a day,literally."
I felt my heart drop as we made the last turn into the parking lot.Juan slowly turned off the engine.I think Juan also wanted to give Joel a punch in the face.I couldn't blame him though.I rubbed Juan's arm slowly signaling for him to just calm down.But I wish I would just take my own advice for once.But how am I suppose to be calm in this situation.I'm stuck in this crap hoe for a eight hours and since everything had just happened on Friday....the school knew.Lulu was like the tabloids at our school but she was the tabloids at our school all by herself.Not even counting her air-headed,pig-snorting laughing best friends.
This was ridiculous.All of this.Just all of it.I wasn't sure I was even gong to get out of the car. I seriously considered tuning the Range Rover back on and crashing into the school's building but than again,It was Juan's car and even if I were to do that,I wouldn't die.Which I wish would happen right now.
Oh crap,Joel just passed Juan and I,of course having Lulu in the passenger seat.That nice blood red Camero didn't seem so nice anymore.That place where Lulu was sitting was my seat.I always sat there.For every date we ever had..that was my seat.But now she has her flat but in that seat..most likely having a wedgie but so caught up in her "like totally knew manicure" to do anything a bout it.Juan grabbed my arm and slowly kissed my forehead.Juan had done that since we were like in the fifth grade though.He did it because he was my best friend and that's all.Juan knew that comforted me whenever I was in a die mood.
The kiss helped me for a good two seconds and than the effect faded as I saw Lulu purposely gave Joel an unexpected,slimy,wet one.It was completely disgusting.Even Joel looked kind of turned off by it.And I saw Joel kind of push Lulu away,of course he knew what she was doing and he didn't need her making it worse between him and I.
I rolled my eyes at both of them and than I could of sworn I saw Juan do the "Edward Cullen stare."It was funny but I was to pissed off and heartbroken to laugh.
I just don't understand neither Joel nor Lulu.I don't understand how you could go from being my best friend and just completely be hitting on my boyfriend the whole time.Was she even my friend?I mean I knew she had a huge obsessive crush on Joel when we were dating but I thought Joel didn't really have an interest in her and I thought she would at least back off as long as I was with him.But she didn't.How the hell do you do all of that and not feel any guilt or regret after that?How can you be a total back-stabber and not care?
Or how could you be my boyfriend and flirt with this chick behind my back?Well it wasn't really behind my back cause I knew about it but I didn't make a huge deal out of it because that was the way Joel was with everybody.He talks to girls the same he would talk to guys and he would show-off and be all awesome the same way with both boys and girls ,so because of that every reason,I didn't think nothing of it.My mistake.
I know I shouldn't really blame myself for this but I do.I have never ever been able to blame Joel for almost anything.Even when it would seem like it is totally all his fault,I would blame myself for it.But don't think Joel made this happen.He was actually a perfect boyfriend.He hardly ever blamed me for stuff unless it was really really my fault.But even then,he would still take some blame.Joel would always get after me for thinking of me a the person to blame.He was like the sweetest person ever,(other than Juaney.)
I know a lot of people say this but I honestly did not see this coming.It really did seem perfect to me at least.I was completely shocked when Joel had told me everything.Joel didn't cheat on me though.For some reason he just couldn't do that with me or with his ex Jocelyn.The girl I though almost I would've certainly lost Joel to,but nope,that wasn't the case at all.
I knew Joel still loved me though.He loved me enough to let me go.The best thing he ever had,he let it go.I would've taken care of him and spoiled more than I already had.But it just didn't workout.There are no such things as accidents.God makes everything happen for a reason.So I know God will somehow give me something better I just had to look for it.
Juan gave me a another kiss on my forehead.Now I knew he was really worried.But I was too.All that thinking about Joel and how we use to be brought a huge ache to my chest and brought some steaming water to my eyes.Then I felt the first tear drop.Juan pulled me a side where no one could see us and just hugged as the tears rolled down my cheeks,burning them as they slide.All that frustration and anger and heart brake divided into little burning tears.The rain wasn't a huge help either.The rain and my tears both seemed to be mocking me.Mocking me of everything and it just made cry more.
I tried to stop.But it was so hard.Juan held me so tight that I didn't want to move from that spot.As Juan let go and wiped the last tear off my cheek and started to walk me to class I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.
"This is going to be one hell of a day,literally."
Hey Mom,
It's been a while
Since you sat next to me,
Since I saw you smile
I miss you Mom
I wish you were here
Giving me kisses
Holding me near
I can still see you Mom,
the laughing happy you
Not the ill broken women
Who broke my heart in two
I'll always remember Mom,
You taught me well
To do good things,
And with Honesty tell
I'm telling you Mom
Losing you killed me
Laying a rose on your casket
Trying hard to be
Strong.
That's what you were Mom,
Strong.
In everything you said
In everything you did
So now I'll be just that
Strong like a mother, not like a kid
I wrote this in honor of any child who has ever lost a parent.
It's been a while
Since you sat next to me,
Since I saw you smile
I miss you Mom
I wish you were here
Giving me kisses
Holding me near
I can still see you Mom,
the laughing happy you
Not the ill broken women
Who broke my heart in two
I'll always remember Mom,
You taught me well
To do good things,
And with Honesty tell
I'm telling you Mom
Losing you killed me
Laying a rose on your casket
Trying hard to be
Strong.
That's what you were Mom,
Strong.
In everything you said
In everything you did
So now I'll be just that
Strong like a mother, not like a kid
I wrote this in honor of any child who has ever lost a parent.
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><
Tick, tick, tick
That sound, constant in my head,
A sound that haunts every mind,
A sound that brings fear,
A clock,
Ticking the seconds of your life away,
Making life shorter and shorter with every tick,
Drawing death nearer and nearer,
But you should not live in fear,
For life is too short for such a thing,
Some people waste these precious seconds,
Others treasure them, making sure that no tick is wasted,
The clock ticks on,
But as this sound is registered,
What do you do?
Tick, tick, tick
Three more seconds, gone, like that,
Did you use them well?
Live life,
For life is too short to spend these seconds in hell.
><
><
><
Tick, tick, tick
That sound, constant in my head,
A sound that haunts every mind,
A sound that brings fear,
A clock,
Ticking the seconds of your life away,
Making life shorter and shorter with every tick,
Drawing death nearer and nearer,
But you should not live in fear,
For life is too short for such a thing,
Some people waste these precious seconds,
Others treasure them, making sure that no tick is wasted,
The clock ticks on,
But as this sound is registered,
What do you do?
Tick, tick, tick
Three more seconds, gone, like that,
Did you use them well?
Live life,
For life is too short to spend these seconds in hell.
His Melody
To quiet the tears
She sings him to sleep
When the morning has dawned
He can’t be roused from a rest so deep
She sings him to sleep
Night after night
And when he does not awaken
Her will to go on grows slight
She sits and waits while he’s away
She remembers his laugh and smile
Oh what a joy to see his joy
She lifts up a prayer “May I see him in a short while?”
She sits at the window and waits
The sun sets slowly behind the hill
The others say hello but she doesn’t hear
She is waiting to make the tears still
The time has come she cannot wait
She sets out to see her boy
To stop the tears
To bring him joy
But the tears she stills are not his
They fall from her eyes
She sings his lullaby again tonight
As she kisses the stone and her son good bye
To quiet the tears
She sings him to sleep
When the morning has dawned
He can’t be roused from a rest so deep
She sings him to sleep
Night after night
And when he does not awaken
Her will to go on grows slight
She sits and waits while he’s away
She remembers his laugh and smile
Oh what a joy to see his joy
She lifts up a prayer “May I see him in a short while?”
She sits at the window and waits
The sun sets slowly behind the hill
The others say hello but she doesn’t hear
She is waiting to make the tears still
The time has come she cannot wait
She sets out to see her boy
To stop the tears
To bring him joy
But the tears she stills are not his
They fall from her eyes
She sings his lullaby again tonight
As she kisses the stone and her son good bye
Dear record of my misfortune I was correct. Today I walked into class and saw a huge pile of letters on my desk. When I opened them I realized that it was hate mail. It was so stupid, people were getting angry at me for what I did to Jessica when it was her fault! They were saying things like : Die Emo bitch die, bitchy whore. That last comment doesn't even apply to me! I haven't even had my first kiss and they are saying this stuff to me! There was one letter that was bot mean even though I don't know who sent it. Inside it said roses are red violets are blue I don't now why they hurt you, if you want I'll tell them to can it, all because I love you Janet. I don't know who wrote you love poem rhyme thing but I love you too!