We are born.
We live.
We die.
But what if I never lived?
Have I always been dead?
Or did I just live not knowing
what life is?
Is the world really round?
What is the reality
of my life?
...of your life?
...of anything?
How do we know
what life is supposed to be?
Is it suffering?
Or is it pleasure?
If it is suffering
then I have lived.
I lived the life of a
lost man.
If it is pleasure
then I have not lived.
I never lived.
Does that mean I was never born.
Walking down the paths of my life
I breathe.
I see.
I hear.
I feel.
But I do not speak.
It is not my turn.
This is not what I was made for.
I do not live to have life.
So do I live to avoid death?
I am not sure.
So will I never know?
Do I love to be loved?
Or do I love to avoid hate?
I am not sure.
Will I never know where I am?
Maybe I already know where I belong?
Why can't I find my place?
I don't even know
if I have a place.
Does anyone have a place?
Are there even places?
I do not know.
This thing we call life--
This is not what I was made for.

[28.4.13]
--X.E.E.D.S.S.R.