There are actually so many--far too many--god-fucking annoying people in this world. What I don't get is where do they all come from? They just appear in my life and act like they love me and I'm like "Can you please fuck off?" in myt mind but on the outside I'm just a bunch of "lol"s and "xD"s. Deception? Maybe so. Misleading? Definitely. Do I feel bad? Maybe. Probably not. I only feel bad if it's someone I can manage to give 2 shits about. If you're reading this, you may think I'm being mean and overtly rude for no reason. Actually, I'm just tired and felt like writing this. I'm also kinda bored. xD So um, what is life? I don't find it very useful to be honest. If I told you all the fuckery I've been through in life, you'd be full of "I'm so sorry"s and that's pure bullshit. Just tell me why life is needed. I have one reason I wouldn't actually just put a gun to my temple and pull the trigger. ONE REASON. Because If I do, I know of 4 other people who would also. And that isn't fair. So this, as you can see, is just gonna be me on a rant about my life.
My life:
I was born on February 20, 1992. Birthname: Xantona Estafano EvinValdo da Silva Santos Riveiros. It was supposed to be "Estefano", but my biological father was tired and it was literally 02h15. Cut him some slack. I lived for 4 years and then my brother was killed on his way home from school and my sister was killed in the Air Force. Which is why I only eat tacos and sandwiches. My brother's favorite foods were tacos and my sister's were sandwiches. And I was 4 years old, so it stuck. Then, I lived for 3 more years and my step-father raped me. Either that, or he would molest me. By the time I was 12, it was just annoying. It hurt, but more than anything, it was annoying. He stopped when I was 15 because he realized that he wasn't scaring me anymore. He was just pissing me the fuck off. Then he killed my biological dad. Murdered him. And tried to rape me, but he wasn't successful. I wasn't gonna let him. And honestly, he was far too tired and said "I'll get you if it's the last thing I do." He's an asshole (that's not even the word for him) who's serving life in jail on numerous charges.
You may be wondering about my mom. Well, she was an angel in my life, and now she's an angel in Heaven. She literally was the most important person in my life, and I KNOW she cared about me more than anything in this world. Because that's what she told me. She actually told me that I was her favorite son. <3 She was diagnosed with cancer on the same day that my younger brother committed suicide. May 12th, 2012. That's why I'm always tired. You know how you people talking to me and ask how I am and I say "Fine. Tired. You?" It's because I'm literally just tired and annoyed from life. I've been tired every single day since May 12th. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Then I lived for some months and my best friend Gianna died on December 13th, 2012. I tried to commit suicide 8 times between then and January 4th, 2013. The day my mother died. After that, I fell apart slowly with numerous faulty relationships. When my mom was around, I was pretty much fine. She was always there for me when no one else was. And she taught me how to be strong. But now that she's gone, it's like I forgot how to be strong, especially since being strong is the only thing I can do.
I'm pretty much a hot mess, and I'm suffering from several mental disorders, including SAD: Separation Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed with it after my mom died. I makes me cry a lot whenever I think about my mom. I mean A LOT. Also, I have phantom images of her leaving the house which makes me uneasy and then I cry. I'm also hypersensitive, so a lot things make me cry. I'm also bipolar and I suffer from manic depression.
So that's my life in a nutshell. I left out some stuff that I either don't wanna talk about or I'd be too uncomfortable talking about. So what exactly was the point of this article? I don't really know. I do a lot of things on impulse. I want to take this brief awkward moment in my life and mention that I really love my boyfriend. WHOSE NAME IS NOT MATT GET WITH THE PICTURE PEOPLE LIKE ACTUALLY THOUGH I'VE BEEN WITH DANNY FOR ALMOST A MONTH NOW I'M NOT DATING MATT ANYMORE OKAY I'M NOT I DON'T EVEN GIVE THREE FUCKS ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME I'M NOT DATING MATT MY BOYFRIEND'S NAME IS
Danny. Brassard. [DannyLovesYou] He's basically a music god. And I am going to amount to nothing in life because I'm a ball of crying sadness and patheticism. Woah. I just realized I went on a really mean rant. xD Meh. Sucks for bitches. ^~^ Anyway...
My favorite color is blue. Get with the picture, people. It's blue. There is no other color on this planet that I'm as attached to as I am with blue. BLUE. Okay?
I also own 5 guns. Three M-16s, one USAS-12, and one AK-47. BUH BAM. No pistols. So I can't exactly kill myself very easily unless I shove the gun in my mouth. My aunt made sure to sell all of my pistols. #UnfairAuntsTheseDays No, I'm not a criminal. I just have a bunch of guns. I rarely ever use them. -.- They're usually just sitting on the top shelf of my closet. Which I can reach without a chair. I'm 6'8" tall. I also weigh 219 pounds.
Yeah, so that's me. I currently have one sister named Juliana and I love her so if you hurt her feelings, I will find out where you live and kill you and your entire family. JK. I'll curse at you though. Don't fuck with my sister. EVER.
Okay so, I guess this is it. Buh bai. ^~^ <3
!~Xante~!
My life:
I was born on February 20, 1992. Birthname: Xantona Estafano EvinValdo da Silva Santos Riveiros. It was supposed to be "Estefano", but my biological father was tired and it was literally 02h15. Cut him some slack. I lived for 4 years and then my brother was killed on his way home from school and my sister was killed in the Air Force. Which is why I only eat tacos and sandwiches. My brother's favorite foods were tacos and my sister's were sandwiches. And I was 4 years old, so it stuck. Then, I lived for 3 more years and my step-father raped me. Either that, or he would molest me. By the time I was 12, it was just annoying. It hurt, but more than anything, it was annoying. He stopped when I was 15 because he realized that he wasn't scaring me anymore. He was just pissing me the fuck off. Then he killed my biological dad. Murdered him. And tried to rape me, but he wasn't successful. I wasn't gonna let him. And honestly, he was far too tired and said "I'll get you if it's the last thing I do." He's an asshole (that's not even the word for him) who's serving life in jail on numerous charges.
You may be wondering about my mom. Well, she was an angel in my life, and now she's an angel in Heaven. She literally was the most important person in my life, and I KNOW she cared about me more than anything in this world. Because that's what she told me. She actually told me that I was her favorite son. <3 She was diagnosed with cancer on the same day that my younger brother committed suicide. May 12th, 2012. That's why I'm always tired. You know how you people talking to me and ask how I am and I say "Fine. Tired. You?" It's because I'm literally just tired and annoyed from life. I've been tired every single day since May 12th. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Then I lived for some months and my best friend Gianna died on December 13th, 2012. I tried to commit suicide 8 times between then and January 4th, 2013. The day my mother died. After that, I fell apart slowly with numerous faulty relationships. When my mom was around, I was pretty much fine. She was always there for me when no one else was. And she taught me how to be strong. But now that she's gone, it's like I forgot how to be strong, especially since being strong is the only thing I can do.
I'm pretty much a hot mess, and I'm suffering from several mental disorders, including SAD: Separation Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed with it after my mom died. I makes me cry a lot whenever I think about my mom. I mean A LOT. Also, I have phantom images of her leaving the house which makes me uneasy and then I cry. I'm also hypersensitive, so a lot things make me cry. I'm also bipolar and I suffer from manic depression.
So that's my life in a nutshell. I left out some stuff that I either don't wanna talk about or I'd be too uncomfortable talking about. So what exactly was the point of this article? I don't really know. I do a lot of things on impulse. I want to take this brief awkward moment in my life and mention that I really love my boyfriend. WHOSE NAME IS NOT MATT GET WITH THE PICTURE PEOPLE LIKE ACTUALLY THOUGH I'VE BEEN WITH DANNY FOR ALMOST A MONTH NOW I'M NOT DATING MATT ANYMORE OKAY I'M NOT I DON'T EVEN GIVE THREE FUCKS ABOUT HIM BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME I'M NOT DATING MATT MY BOYFRIEND'S NAME IS
Danny. Brassard. [DannyLovesYou] He's basically a music god. And I am going to amount to nothing in life because I'm a ball of crying sadness and patheticism. Woah. I just realized I went on a really mean rant. xD Meh. Sucks for bitches. ^~^ Anyway...
My favorite color is blue. Get with the picture, people. It's blue. There is no other color on this planet that I'm as attached to as I am with blue. BLUE. Okay?
I also own 5 guns. Three M-16s, one USAS-12, and one AK-47. BUH BAM. No pistols. So I can't exactly kill myself very easily unless I shove the gun in my mouth. My aunt made sure to sell all of my pistols. #UnfairAuntsTheseDays No, I'm not a criminal. I just have a bunch of guns. I rarely ever use them. -.- They're usually just sitting on the top shelf of my closet. Which I can reach without a chair. I'm 6'8" tall. I also weigh 219 pounds.
Yeah, so that's me. I currently have one sister named Juliana and I love her so if you hurt her feelings, I will find out where you live and kill you and your entire family. JK. I'll curse at you though. Don't fuck with my sister. EVER.
Okay so, I guess this is it. Buh bai. ^~^ <3
!~Xante~!
