As I walk down the streets and find myself drawn strangely to another alley and I walk into it. Partly because I hear a bunch of people yelling and cheering and right about then I hear “Ladies and pimps! Haters of all ages!” and realize one of my top fav. hip-hop/rap songs sweat ya perm out was coming on. Most wouldn't have heard that until they got closer....and by that I mean pressed again the wall closer...but I'm not most. Right about then I realize it's an underground club, something like a modern speak-ez. I mean that in 2 ways....1 is that it's not known and 2 is it's in an abandon subway station making it literally underground. Seems 2 b only kids as far as I can c (meaning the whole place so unless the adults r the size of 12 year old's there's not any here). I sneak in as a shadow of one of them and, once inside, the 1st thing I hear is the music. The second thing is a girl's voice saying “What's that smell? Smells like bitch. I thought I was the only one with a pussy up here!” followed closely by everyone, somehow including me, going “OH!” and I push my way thro because I have GOT 2 c what's happening here.
“And, with that, which of these 2 won?” Calls a pale boy standing between them. He looks about....15? He's standing between a light-skinned sister and a dark-skinned brother. “Jade?” the little white boy nods 2 the chick. The whole club cheers loudly. “ok ok...” he cuts them off after a while. “What about main man, Jersey?” and a few people clap after him but not so many. “oh...2 bad, dude.” white boy pats the brother on the back.
“Hey, good job girl.” Jersey smiles and they shake hands.
“U 2, dude.” She smiles back and he leaves the stage.
“Ok, so who's the next victim 4 our champ?” the pale white kid calls out.
“I will....” I find myself walking up onto the stage.
“I haven't seen u 'round here b4. What's ur name?”
“Beyond.” I answer, thinking quickly of a name that sounds better then Kem.
“Beyond? That ur gang name or somethin'?” Jade asks.
“U could say that.” I reply with a sly smile.
“Ur a newbi, ain't ya? U sure ya wanna do this?” Jade asks. “After all, ur already at a disadvantage.” she adds, followed closely by an “OH!” from the audience.
“Yeah? Well don't let my paleness fool ya, I'm blacka' then u r.” I reply calmly, raising my eyebrows slightly. This is followed by a louder “OH!” from them and I can't keep a little smirk off my face.
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” the tiny little white boy interrupts. “the competition isn't even started and they already baggin'! We betta' start then! 1st we have a one minute diss-off. Don't talk over each other or the crowd can't judge u. LET'S GO!”
“Ur so white u make white out jealous!” Jade starts
“Ur so black we can't c ya till u open ur mouth.” I retort
“Ur dick so small u thought it was a hair till u peed outta it.”
“Ur teeth so yella' I can't believe it's not butta'.”
“Ur natural scent is spam.”
“Ur's is weed and coca butter”
“Ur momma like a door knob, everyone get a turn.”
“Ur momma like a snail, she leaves a wet trail everywhere she goes.”
“U so rank u must wash ur dick with dumpster sludge.”
“When this contest's over the records will say 'between white and whiter.' I'll b white.” *i finish as the bell rings 2 tell us the minute's over. Did I mention everything we said was followed by increasingly loud “OH!”s from the crowd...?
“Oh! Alright, this is close!” The white boy between us says. “Next is the 30 second Diss-freestyle, where u b baggin' and the other person can't say shit. Beyond, u start us off.”
“I b happy 2.” I nod with a smirk. The timer starts. “Ur lips look like sausages. Ur hair got more naps then a pre-school. U so scanky when u pull off ur panties it sound like velcro.” After that 1, my loudest “OH!!!”, I gain a little smirk but don't slow up. “That last brotha had bigger tits then u, but u gotta bigger dick so I guess it all evens out, hu?” And I put down the mic after that. A few reasons....I can't think of anything 2 top that at the moment and now the whole crowd is going “OH!!” and “AH HA!!” and all that fun stuff....
“O HO!! He drop the mic!” Lil' whitey exclaims. “This white boy jus saw 8 Mile!” And I wait. Not long after that the bell rings. He picks up the mic “Alright, Jade, u ain't takin' dat, r ya?”
“He-all no!” she says with that sassy tone only a black woman or a gay white man can perfect. She does that head swivel thing 2. He hands her the mic.
“Alright, same rules. LET'S GO!”
“Yo white boy, I think u jus mad cos my hair finer then ur bitch's and ur finger longer then u dick. Hell, ur crabs have VD. I may b a light skinned sista but ur so fuckin' pale u should b called Bucket. U 1 of the few people that can actually fuck ur self, so go do it. I'm not gonna say ur gay but u buy Gushers cos u like how the juice hit the bak of ur throat.” And the bell rings with her loudest “OH!”
“This is close!” Lil' W says again. U know, in case we missed it the 1st time....“We need u 2 decide who wins!” TWB (Tiny White Boy) adds. “Will it b Beyond?” The entire crowd goes nuts and it's like the whole place is full of cheers “Or jade?” he yells. Same response. He looks over at the DJ that has a guy standing behind it and 2 others beside him. The 3 whisper and then look back and nod. “Our judges have decided it's a tie!” He yells. Silence. “That means we break the tie with a Single Diss. U will judge only on that diss. Jade, ur our champ, u go 1st.”
“Alright, we'll start here. I think u may have mistaken me, not all black people like lil' white BITCHS!”
“O-OH! Harsh!” TWB Exclaims. “u up now, B.”
“Aww, ur jus mad cos I happen 2 b blacka then u and u like a 19-year-old girl and imma b Cobey Brian!” This was followed by a loud “OH!” from the crowd again.
“Ok, so who won!? Did B over-thro our queen?!” The crowd goes wild and roars loudly. I smile, loving it completely. “Or did our queen hold her own against the joker?!” He yells out. The crowd gets about an octave quieter and she looks only mildly shocked.
“Yo, good job.” She smiles at me “I neva thought I'd b de-throned by a white boy.” she adds with a grin. I smile back.