bernerd: hi I'm a marvel

alfred: ah, I don't think we met sir.

bernerd: i'm norman and harry osborn's butler.

alfred: oh yes.

bernerd: i'm sorry, i can't do this, I'm such a stupid character. Squirrely, insignificant, dumb.
Harry even makes his own omelets. What's my purpose in such a baller film series?

alfred: come now, sah. You kept tight-lipped about the goblin massacre going on under your two eyes. You are what James Bond would refer to as a master criminal.

bernard: really? But it goes beyond not telling harry about all that stuff, remember in spider-man 1 after doctor strom got killed? I couldn't even keep that lady from rushing into the room where norman likes to pass out drunk!

alfred: oh yes, and who could forgot how valiantly you kept wayne's penthouse from being paraded upon by tonight's entertainment.

bernard: ...hey yeah! You did kind of scuttle off in the corner and suck your thumb, didn't you?

alfred: just go get us some food, chump.