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1. Come up with a ridiculously cheesy plot.
2. Make all or most of your characters really, really, really boring and unlikable. If the audience doesn't wanna strangle the characters by the end of the movie, then you're doing it wrong.
3. Hire really horrible songwriters to write awful songs with atrocious lyrics.
4. Auto-tune the sh*t out of the songs. If your songs don't sound like they have the entire world's worth of auto-tune on them, then you're doing it wrong.
5. Hire really, really bad singers to sing your awful songs. The maximum amount of good singers you can have is two or three at most....
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