As some of you may know, I often suffer from grammar-induced rage blackouts. These can be triggered by anything from a misplaced apostrophe to the incorrect usage of "your" and "you're". So, I decided to do something about it.. mostly because I'm afraid the next dangling modifier I come across might send me spiraling into a violent rampage the likes of which have never been seen.

I understand that a lot of Fanpoppers are not native English speakers, and thus might not have as good a hold on our sometimes ridiculously complicated grammatical rules. Obviously, I can't fault them for their mistakes. Still, hopefully this little guide will help them as well as the rest of you, who should just plain know better. :)

I give you:
"The Top 5 Grammatical Errors That Make Bliss
Want to Tear Her Hair Out and Scream Like a Banshee"

1. The Misplaced Apostrophe
The most heinous and widespread of all grammatical mistakes. You can't go nimbly bimbly throwing apostrophes around whenever you see an "s". Here's how to use them correctly:

Apostrophes are used most commonly in two cases:
a) To signify a missing letter, as in the case of contractions like can't for cannot, or in abbreviations like gov't for government
b) to signify a possessive, such as "Nikita is Janie's cat" meaning that the cat belongs to Janie.

Under NO circumstances should an apostrophe be used to signify a plural! The following sentences are all incorrect:
"Apple's $0.29/lbs"
"The Nazi's were evil"
"I wish I knew how to properly use apostrophe's"

Here is a quote from an excellent link on apostrophes:
"If in doubt it is better to leave an apostrophe out than to put it in. This is because if you leave it out incorrectly this will be put down either to an oversight or to an affinity with the views of George Bernard Shaw [who thought them unneccesary]. On the other hand, if you put it in incorrectly this will be attributed (rightly) to ignorance."

2. Your vs. You're
Apparently, it's necessary to point out that these are not interchangeable. They actually mean completely different things.

You're is the contracted form (like an abbreviation) of "You are".
- As in, "You're a moron".

Your is a possessive pronoun. It is used to signify when something belongs to someone other than yourself.
- As in, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries"

3. Their, There, or They're
Their misuse is widespread, but there is hope; they're not as tricky as they seem.

Their is a possessive pronoun meaning "pertaining to or belonging to them"
- "It was their horrible spelling that caused her brain to explode"

There is an abverb meaning "that location" which is farther away than here.
- "Bliss is over there making out with John Krazinski"

They're is a contraction of "They are".
- "Dwangela rocks my world, they're totally meant to be together"

4. Affect vs. Effect
This is not a case of lazy American spelling. You cannot simply choose at random whether to start this word with an "a" or an "e". Again, these words mean different things.

Affect is a verb that has two common meanings:
a) "to influence"
- as in, "Bad grammar may negatively affect your sex life"
b) "to act in a way that you don't feel"
- as in, "She affected an air of innocence".

Effect is a noun that most often signifies "a result"
- as in, "I drank 7 tequila shooters last night and I'm definitely feeling the effects this morning".

5. It's and Its
Another confusing contraction.

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning "pertaining to or belonging to it".
- "I love that cat, its purr is so melodic" (the purr "belongs" to the cat).

It's is a contraction of "It is".
- "Good grammar: it's sexy!"

Lastly, there is absolutely, positively no such word as its'!


So, there you have it. I really hope this kicks some bad grammatical habits in the butt. If not wanting to look like a moron isn't enough incentive, then do it for me. The next time you start to type "Bliss write's awesome article's", stop and think of me throwing my laptop across the room in a fit of uncontrollable rage, and refer back to this guide.



- as a sidenote, these images are from the "Good Grammar is Hot" group on Facebook.