So this is a depressing fanfic about what Eric might've been thinking before he tried to kill himself. So i suggest not reading this if you want some happy thoughts. lol. But if you do read it please review!
It had been 3 hours and 42 minutes since she went out on her date. It had been 5 months and 23 days since she ran away. And now he was all alone again, but even though he always felt alone, this time was different. He had no one to go sit next to or pretend to talk to so he would seem normal. So he could hide the pain. He was all alone.
The TV had been on for who knows how long, but it hadn’t helped to distract him. It seemed like no matter what he did anymore he couldn’t hide from his thoughts. Even when he was happy they would come creeping up and ruin him. Making him rethink what he’s gone through a million times already in his head. It hurt, every single one of those million times hurt him, in a way that neither his mother nor sister would ever understand. Let alone ever want to hear, they both would be too distracted and wave him off so they could go fuck up their own lives even more.
But at least now Serena was gone. There was a time when he once thought that would be good. That it would be peaceful to not have to deal with seeing his sister drunk almost every night, to not see her with random guys that were just using her. But now, he realized as he sat alone, he didn’t want her to leave. He wanted her to be better; he wanted everything to be better. He wanted her to be a loving sister that actually cared enough about him not to leave him alone. But she didn’t care, she didn’t think about him; just like everybody else she didn’t give a damn about the boy who, to everybody’s eyes seemed fine. But maybe if she was a good enough sister she would notice that his eyes never matched the smile on his face, she would hear him crying in the bathroom every night, notice his bloodshot eyes when he came out. But she didn’t. Serena didn’t and not even his own mother did.
All his mother was good for was having boyfriends, getting married, and forgetting about her children. Letting them have to stay at other people’s houses and not giving a damn. Yeah he knows that on the UES there’s barely any good parenting but is it really too much to ask for your mother to care about you for once. Maybe ask how you’re doing, ask if you’re feeling all right. I mean he probably would’ve lied and said I’m fine anyway. One whiff of something wrong with her kid and Lily would’ve thrown a fit, trying to cover up the truth from the world. That’s probably why she yelled at Serena so much, because at least Serena had the courage to act like something was wrong. To act like her life was messed up, and every once and awhile he would get jealous. I mean why the hell can’t he do that, why is it that he stops himself every time he wants to be rebellious. Why the hell is he the only normal one in this family, when he isn’t even normal.
He slowly walked into his room when another wave of pain hit him. He grabbed the pictures on his nightstand and counters and started to throw them on the floor or at the walls. He stomped on the shards of broken glass left sitting on the floor as he screamed, “Why!” While tears poured down his face he turned to his pillows and began punching and ripping them. “Why the hell did this happen to me?! I just want to be happy. Why can’t I be happy?!”
Then he slowly walked into the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror. Repeating his questions to himself as he watched his face distort into sobs. “I can’t do this anymore. Nothing’s going to change, I can’t wait forever.” As he reached for his razor he thought quickly, don’t people normally write notes? When he began to think of what he would write he stopped. They don’t deserve a note. They never bothered to understand me, they’re not going to understand why.
Then he did it. He tried to ignore the pain, the feeling of warm blood gushing over his hand and filling the sink. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was his own face staring back at him, pale and pained. Then he was gone.
It had been 3 hours and 42 minutes since she went out on her date. It had been 5 months and 23 days since she ran away. And now he was all alone again, but even though he always felt alone, this time was different. He had no one to go sit next to or pretend to talk to so he would seem normal. So he could hide the pain. He was all alone.
The TV had been on for who knows how long, but it hadn’t helped to distract him. It seemed like no matter what he did anymore he couldn’t hide from his thoughts. Even when he was happy they would come creeping up and ruin him. Making him rethink what he’s gone through a million times already in his head. It hurt, every single one of those million times hurt him, in a way that neither his mother nor sister would ever understand. Let alone ever want to hear, they both would be too distracted and wave him off so they could go fuck up their own lives even more.
But at least now Serena was gone. There was a time when he once thought that would be good. That it would be peaceful to not have to deal with seeing his sister drunk almost every night, to not see her with random guys that were just using her. But now, he realized as he sat alone, he didn’t want her to leave. He wanted her to be better; he wanted everything to be better. He wanted her to be a loving sister that actually cared enough about him not to leave him alone. But she didn’t care, she didn’t think about him; just like everybody else she didn’t give a damn about the boy who, to everybody’s eyes seemed fine. But maybe if she was a good enough sister she would notice that his eyes never matched the smile on his face, she would hear him crying in the bathroom every night, notice his bloodshot eyes when he came out. But she didn’t. Serena didn’t and not even his own mother did.
All his mother was good for was having boyfriends, getting married, and forgetting about her children. Letting them have to stay at other people’s houses and not giving a damn. Yeah he knows that on the UES there’s barely any good parenting but is it really too much to ask for your mother to care about you for once. Maybe ask how you’re doing, ask if you’re feeling all right. I mean he probably would’ve lied and said I’m fine anyway. One whiff of something wrong with her kid and Lily would’ve thrown a fit, trying to cover up the truth from the world. That’s probably why she yelled at Serena so much, because at least Serena had the courage to act like something was wrong. To act like her life was messed up, and every once and awhile he would get jealous. I mean why the hell can’t he do that, why is it that he stops himself every time he wants to be rebellious. Why the hell is he the only normal one in this family, when he isn’t even normal.
He slowly walked into his room when another wave of pain hit him. He grabbed the pictures on his nightstand and counters and started to throw them on the floor or at the walls. He stomped on the shards of broken glass left sitting on the floor as he screamed, “Why!” While tears poured down his face he turned to his pillows and began punching and ripping them. “Why the hell did this happen to me?! I just want to be happy. Why can’t I be happy?!”
Then he slowly walked into the bathroom staring at his reflection in the mirror. Repeating his questions to himself as he watched his face distort into sobs. “I can’t do this anymore. Nothing’s going to change, I can’t wait forever.” As he reached for his razor he thought quickly, don’t people normally write notes? When he began to think of what he would write he stopped. They don’t deserve a note. They never bothered to understand me, they’re not going to understand why.
Then he did it. He tried to ignore the pain, the feeling of warm blood gushing over his hand and filling the sink. The last thing he saw before he blacked out was his own face staring back at him, pale and pained. Then he was gone.
