They used to say a way out is near. It will just pop up and blind us all with it’s amazement, that we would feel like it was there all the time, but we were just “keeping it real quiet”. Well, what should we do? Blast out the music of happiness and just increase the volume? I don’t think so. All I hear is pathetic philosophic talk that takes us nowhere. They keep acting as if we don’t know how deep down in “pain” we are. Trust us we do know. At this moment I know exactly what I’ve been through and what I’m going through and all my decisions about suicide are, trust me again, not said too soon and I didn’t just think of it once and decided. I’ve been trying and trying and trying to find a way out and trying to see the light in the end of the tunnel. You know, happiness isn’t near, it’s far away and for happiness we need a metro line called “family& friends” which is “being fixed” in Myself Town. The double F I’ve been waiting for so long never came and someone called to tell me that the train isn’t 14 minutes late, but forever late. It won’t come on time. But as I was standing there I remembered something that someone quoted a couple of months ago. “If all my friends jump off the bridge, I wouldn’t jump with them. I would be down, ready to catch them.” Will I be ready? Will a couple of my friends who truly deserve to be called friends be safe? Happy? Caught if they jump? Yes, they would eventually smile again after I finish with all my problems, but the scars from the inside wouldn’t heal. They would be opened forever and they would hurt them every time my name comes in their thoughts. I tried to find a way out of all this, that’s sure. But did I try enough? Did I ever try to talk a way out of it? Not really. It’s not even necessary to try, I used to think. But how much was I really right? And considering the fact how many times I’ve tried it wouldn’t kill me to give life another shot. The best one so far. So, from now on, I promise I will try and I would talk and talk and talk until all the talking about all the bad times is finished and only happy thoughts are left. Because I do believe a train will be fixed soon, even though if a miracle could save it. If nothing I have the “friends” line which is not as fast and not as good as my double F, but for now it will work. Because, now I believe, that miracles happen. And that maybe the train broke for a reason, just so they would show me that even if I think nothing is alright, there is someone or something, coming to save my ass. My friends. I have to go now, I’ve got a train to catch.
