Things were not going well for Equestria after the events of the previous H.I.P story. A week after the war ended somepony assassinated the mayor of Ponyville. Then stallions started being sexist to mares. Even Doughnut Joe wouldn't let mares in his restaurant, but if they were to buy something Joe would just double the price for what they bought.

Two and a half years later things just got worse, a griffon appeared. It was someone named Gilda, and she seemed pissed, "I've had enough of these ponies. It's time to do something about them." Then she flew off. While doing so Rainbow Dash appeared, "Gilda, what are you doing?" Instead of answering Dash's question Gilda told her to fuck off, and gave her the bird. Right after that I appeared in my car. I wasn't the only one in Equestria to have a car anymore. Lots of companies started making cars for ponies to drive, some were Chevronet, Coltillac, Lunicorn, Dodge, Alfa Romaneo, Aston Maretin, Foallari, and Fillys. Every street in Equestria was paved, and full of cars. "Seems like Ponyville has improved." I said. "Yeah," Dash replied, "but what kind of pony would drive?" I didn't bother asking that question. Rainbow Dash drove before so she shouldn't be complaining. Pinkie Pie drove my car before, and she liked it. I spent half an hour hanging out with Rainbow Dash. She wanted me to throw her into the sky when we saw flying griffons. They were dropping bombs destroying stuff in sight. A few others came with guns, and started shooting ponies, one even cut off Lyra's horn, making her an earth pony. The first thing me, and Rainbow Dash did was drive away from the griffons. "Are any of them folllowing us?" I asked nervously. Equestria has gone to war against a few crazy enemies, including Nazis, and Discord, but this was insane. We are talking about a combination of a lion with a bird! So far no one was following us, but then Gilda got on my car. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I yelled in frustration. Gilda was scratching up my hood, and trying to shoot Rainbow Dash. I grabbed Gilda, and threw her far away from us. We were now driving at top speed, 183 miles an hour. "There is no way she can keep up." I said. "And if she does I can totally take her on!" Dash added. Right, but first we had to find the rest of the mane six, and others. We drove to Canterlot Castle where we were told to meet up with Celestia. The front of the castle was gaurded by jeeps with machine guns on them. Soon we went in the castle, and saw Celestia standing with Twilight, and other ponies. "Hi guys." Twilight said when she saw us, "Hey." I said simoultaneously with Rainbow Dash. Celestia then begun to speak, "As you're all aware, griffons have bombed Ponyville, and other places in Equestria. We need your help to stop them. I sent my army into Baltimare to defend it from the griffons, and that's where they'll be waiting for you, the inglourious hedgehog." It didn't sound nice, but i really liked the nickname. "Allright." I said. We got a convoy of cars set up after we left Celestia. The convoy started with me, and Rainbow Dash in my car, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack in a jeep, Rarity, and Twilight in another jeep, and then a truck driven by Fluttershy. Shredder was sitting next to her, and six soldiers sat in the back. "Everyone ready?" Dash asked. Everyone was set, and Dash ordered us to roll out. After she said that Pinkie rolled out of the car she was in. "Why did you do that?" Applejack asked. "Rainbow Dash gave me an order, and I'm not going to disobey her!" Yeah, pure randomness from Pinkie Pie as usual. When she got back in the jeep we continued into Baltimare. Once we arrived we saw three griffons set up a roadblock with two Alfa Romaneo's. "Lets blow them to hell." I said, simply turning on the headlights so I could launch a rocket into the cars infront of me. I wish those cars were something different, because blowing up two cool cars was something I didn't want to do. At least I killed three griffons. By the time we passed the roadblock there were more griffons trying to kill us. Twenty five to be exact, but two of them were in the sky with machine guns, and dropping grenades. "Over here!" shouted a soldier. All of us got out of our cars, and ran towards the stallion that called for us. "What is it?" I asked... You know what? I don't know why the fuck I'm writing like this! IT'S GODDAMN BORING!! I oughta write like

person 1: hello
person 2: Hi

Expect me to write like that in the rest of my stories.

Previously a fight started in Baltimare involving ponies against griffons.

Griffon bomber: blow up the cars!
other GB: *blows up car*
Sean: Damnit!
Shredder: At least MOST of us have a way to escape.
Rainbow Dash: Kill the griffons already! *kills griffons*
Pinkie Pie: *shoots grenade held by a GB*
Sean: Good work Pinkie.
Griffon 3416: *attacks Rainbow Dash, but gets her neck broken*
Rainbow Dash: That oughta teach you not to mess with me!
Canterlot soldier: They're retreating!
Sean: A few of them are heading into that barn.

So the eight ponies, and hedgehog check inside the barn.

Twilight Sparkle: I don't see anything.
Applejack: It all seems clear.
Canterlot soldier: How can you know for sure? Did you even look?!
Applejack: Yes, and there is no one there
Canterlot Soldier: I think you're lying bitch, *kicks support beam causing the floor to fall*
hiding griffon: Don't kill me!
Pinkie Pie: Hey that's Gustav.
Gustav: Don't kill me! I was here for the whole fight.
Canterlot Soldier: I told you there was someone hiding you dumb bitch!
Applejack: Will you stop calling me a bitch?!
Sean: *steps between the two ponies* allright enough with the sexism. Now Gustav, why were you hiding here?
Gustav: I didn't want to fight, but they made me come here. I figured if I stayed here then I wouldn't have to kill anyone.
Pinkie Pie: Gustav is nice even though I thought he ate Mmm.
Rarity: Oh not this again.
Pinkie Pie: Mmm is this cake I was going to enter into a desert competition until these three did it! *points at rainbow dash, rarity, and fluttershy.*
Rainbow Dash: Don't remind us!
Pinkie Pie: Fine! But you'll miss out on the assumptions, and flashbacks!
Twilight Sparkle: We should probably get going.

After the stuff that happened in the barn the eight ponies, and hedgehog left with Gustav.

Sean: Alright. Where are the griffons going to attack next?
Gustav: I think they said they would take Canterlot, and Manehattan.
Rainbow Dash: You think? If you're lying I'll kill you myself!
Twilight Sparkle: No you won't.
Pinkie Pie: Gustav is innocent, and wouldn't do anything bad to us.
Canterlot soldier: That's a surprise. You're all mares.
Rarity: What's that supposed to mean?
Sean: I told you to stop being sexist.
Canterlot Soldier: Fuck you hedgehog!
Sean: *kills soldier* He was getting on my nerves talking to you like that.
Applejack: You didn't have to kill him though.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah he did. That was awesome.
Sean: Thanks. We better go to Canterlot.

Eventually we all got to Canterlot and told Princess Celestia about the situation.

Celestia: OK. We'll need some jeeps by the castle. If any griffon appears, they'll get shot down.
Twilight Sparkle: Good plan. You may want to watch for some griffons carrying bombs however.
Sean: Yeah they blew up our cars.
Celestia: I have some of my soldiers that will shoot down any griffons carrying a bomb.
Rarity: What about Manehattan?
Celestia: You, Pinkie Rainbow Dash, and Sean will go to Manehattan. The rest of you will stay here with me, and defend Canterlot.
Sean: Sounds good.
Fluttershy: Yeah.

Half an hour later my group get into an airplane for Manehattan.

Rainbow Dash: You ever gone skydiving before?
Sean: Don't tell me we have to jump out of the plane.
Pinkie Pie: Why?
Rarity: Are you afraid of heights?
Sean: Sort of. I got pushed out of an airplane once, and so did Rainbow Dash. While I nearly died Dash got killed.
Rainbow Dash: So that's why you don't like sky diving.
Sean: Yeah, because you died.
Rainbow Dash: Shut up *laughs*

Ten minutes later we fly into Manehattan, but how does the parachuting work?

Sean: *looks out window*
Rarity: We're going to jump soon.
Sean: Why don't you three go first?
Rarity: That's nice of you.
Pinkie Pie: Green light go!

Soon the four of us jump out of the plane deploying our parachutes, getting ready to defend Manehattan from the griffons. Back at Canterlot

Twilight: Griffons!
Fluttershy: Oh my *trembling in fear*
Celestia: Theres over a dozen of them! ATTACK!
ponies: *fire guns at griffons*
griffons: *fire back* FOR GILDA!!
soldier: *shoots machine gun*
Two griffons: *fall to death*
Applejack: They got bombs!
Twilight: *disarms bomb*
Griffon 3489: *kills three ponies*
Twilight: We have ponies down. Send an ambulance over!
Luna: Ten 4. The ambulance will be here in approximately 1 and a half minutes.

Sean: No griffons yet.
Rainbow Dash: I knew Gustav was lying!
Pinkie Pie: Then why are there griffons flying toward us?!
Rarity: Damnit! Gilda is with them
Gilda: Well well, if it isn't my ex best friend, and three more lamewads.
Sean: Up yours asshole. *shoots griffons* You call that lame?
Gilda: Why didn't you shoot me?
Rainbow Dash: Were asking the questions.
Griffon 3489: Gilda! We are making progress on Canterlot.
Gilda: Copy that we just lost Manehattan. *flies away*
Sean: That was easy.
Pinkie Pie: Back to Canterlot.

The four of us make our way back to Canterlot.

Celestia: We need backup, NOW!
Sean: At your service.
Rainbow Dash: The griffons didn't get Manehattan.
Celestia: Then who's guarding it?
Wasted pony: Dude. What if we were cartoons drawn by humans?
Drunk pony: I'm not a human! Piss off. *falls on ground*

The fight for Canterlot is getting intense. Griffons are outnumbering us, but we won't go down without a fight.

Sean: Applejack watch our six. *shoots machine gun at griffons*
Applejack: They're all over the place!
Pinkie Pie: I need more ammo!
Sean: Just take my gun I got another one.
griffons: STOP! We have you surronded. Ok hedgehog, take us to San Franciscolt.
Sean: And why should I?
griffon: TAKE US TO SAN FRANCISCOLT!
Sean: Chaos Control

Little did the griffons know that we ended up in a different place then they were looking for.

griffon: Cut the unicorns horns.
other griffons: *cut off Twilight, and Rarity's horn as well as Celestia's*
griffon: Now take us to the everfree forest
Sean: Chaos control

Once again I took them to a different place. We ended up in Hawaii, but the griffons didn't know that.

Griffon: Smash that gem
other griffon: *grabs chaos emerald and smashes it*
Twilight: Now we have no way of getting out of here.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, what were you thinking?
Sean: Something crazy *grabs and kills griffons*
Rarity: Now what about our horns?
Sean: We take a train from here into California.
Rainbow Dash: How?
Sean: By the year 2020 England declared war against Germany for no reason. Then they attacked America. As a result the americans helped Germany defeat England. There reward was a train bridge from Hawaii to San Francisco.
Rainbow Dash: How far away is the bridge?
Sean: About 5 miles
Rarity: What? I can't walk for five miles! IT'S TOO MUCH!!
Celestia: None of us want to walk for 5 miles either.
Sean: Rarity, I can carry you if you want.
Rarity: ok.

After a history lesson with a dramatic scene the four of us walk towards the train bridge. By the time we get there we're in for a surprise.

We got to the train, and saw some griffons wiith more unicorns.

Vinyl Scratch: Where are you taking us?
Griffon 3894: None of your business! Uh Gilda where are we taking them again?
Gilda: Across this bridge into San Francisco. Don't kill all of the ponies we need one unicorn to get back into Equestria.
Griffon 3894: Allright.
Griffon 3987: What about the bomb?
Gilda: Detonate it once you get the train across the bridge.
Rainbow Dash: A bomb?
Sean: This can't be good. We have to prevent that train from crossing the bridge.
Twilight: How?
Sean: By derailing it.
Celestia: But what about our horns?
Sean: Don't worry. We'll stop the train close by San Fran.

Celestia and the rest of my team sneak into the engine. I try to defuse the bomb before it goes off.

Gilda: Hey, I know you.
Sean: You do?
Gilda: Yeah your that hedgehog that I saw in Manehattan. I know what you're up to!
Sean: Really?
Gilda: You want to help me now!
Sean: Oh yeah i do. What do you need my help with?
Gilda: In case the ponies somehow end up in this car, I want you to protect this bomb.
Sean: Sure thing.

The train soon leaves Hawaii and gets on the bridge.

Gilda: *walks into prisoner's car*
Lemon Heart: Let us out of here!
Gilda: You know saying that never works.
Lemon Heart: We can find a way out if you don't let us leave.
Vinyl Scratch: We're not as "lame" as we look.
Roseluck: We aren't even lame at all.
Gilda: You're multi colored ponies. What isn't lame about you?
griffon 3987: Gilda! We have ponies driving the train!
Gilda: What?! *walks towards Sean* I need you to watch the prisoners!
Sean: Sure thi-
Gilda: STOP SAYING THAT!
Sean: *walks into prison car*
Gilda: *flies toward engine with other griffons*
Rainbow Dash: It's a good thing we have guns. *shoots griffons*
Rarity: How do you think Sean is doing?
Rainbow Dash: Don't worry about him, just shovel more coal in the firebox. We have you covered!
Rarity: A beautiful pony like me shouldn't be doing this *shovels coal*
Twilight: Could you stop complaining for once?
Rainbow Dash: *shoots more griffons* Just ignore her.
Gilda: You idiots keep missing!
Griffon 2398: Oh fuck off! At least we're actually doing something! *shoots Rarity's shovel*
Rarity: Finally I don't have to do anymore laboring.
Twilight: Not really, here is another shovel.
Rarity: NO!!!!!!!
Celestia: You have to otherwise we'll slow down.

Meanwhile in the prison car

Roseluck: Sean? What are you doing here?
Sean: The griffons think I'm on there side. Time to get you out of here.
Vinyl Scratch: Give me your gun
Sean: *hands gun to Vinyl Scratch*
Vinyl Scratch: Ok, time to fight back *makes copies of guns*
Lemon Heart: Perfect.
Sean: Allright, Celestia needs your help at the engine. All of the griffons are attacking her, and she needs your help.
Roseluck: Got it. Let's go girls
Vinyl Scratch: What about you?
Sean: I've gotta defuse the bomb.
Vinyl Scratch: There's a bomb?!
Sean: Yeah, that's what the griffons want to use to kill you for some reason.
Lemon Heart: We have to go.

The prisoned ponies, no longer imprisones set off to help Celestia and the other ponies. How will things go from here?

The train is halfway across the bridge, and Griffons are trying to kill Celestia and other ponies at the engine, but back at Equestria

Luna: Where is my sister?
Pinkie Pie: I don't know! griffons kidnapped her!
Fluttershy: They took other ponies as well.
Luna: Well then lets get them back *turns Pinkie and Fluttershy into Griffons*
Fluttershy: We look exactly like griffons.
Luna: that's the idea.
Pinkie Pie: Now that were a different animal we must speak another language.
Luna: No you shouldn't.
Pinkie Pie: *spots Applejack* Ich werde Applejack tauschen.
Applejack: Griffons!
Pinkie Pie: Hallo, Ich bin Pinkie Pie.
Applejack: Why are you speaking german, and how come you're a griffon?
Luna: I cast a spell to turn her into a griffon, and now she thinks she has to speak a different language.
Pinkie Pie: Ja.
Fluttershy: Ok that's enough.
Applejack: Fluttershy you two?
Luna: We're wasting time here! *teleports them onto the train*
Roseluck: Luna, what are you doing here?
Luna: Saving my sister, but let Pinkie and Fluttershy take care of this.
Pinkie Pie & Fluttershy: *kills griffons*
Gilda: Oh shit! More ponies behind us. *kills Vinyl Scratch*
Griffon 4783: I thought that hedgehog was watching them!
Gilda: I thought so to.
Luna: Keep fighting!
Celestia: Luna! Why are you here?
Luna: To save you sister. We have to get off this train.
Twilight: But our unicorn horns are missing.
Luna: I can restore your horns now lets go! *teleports ponies back to Equestria*

yup they forgot me, this can't be good.

Sean: Almost done defusing it.
Gilda: What happened? Why are you trying to defuse the bomb?!
Sean: So the ponies wont die.
Gilda: Well they just left!
Sean: Goddamnit! *kills Gilda*

other griffons: Freeze!
Sean: How about I burn instead? *detonates bomb*

The train has blown into smithereens, with all the griffons inside. I also destroyed the bridge.

Back at Equestria things were back to normal.

Twilight Sparkle: Where did Sean go?
Rainbow Dash: I'm not sure. He must have gone down without a fight.

The End