Theme song >>>> link
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Red Rose From Chibiemmy
Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Bartholomew, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Season 3 highlights
Gordon: *Sitting on steps of signalbox* What? Were you expecting Hawkeye to show up in a train like the season 2 highlights? Well, tough shit! You get to see my favorite parts of season 3-
Coffee Creme: Gordon, this isn't about you! It's about the fans. Show their favorite parts.
Gordon: Oh, alright.
Episode 21
It was a nice day in Cheyenne, but just when everypony was about to get their work assignments, Gordon arrived.
Gordon: Heil hitler!
Hawkeye: Oh great, world war 2 is still going on after all.
Pete: Gordon, explain this idiocracy!
Gordon: It's the 8th anniversary of Hitler's suicide, and I'm celebrating.
Hawkeye: By acting like a Nazi?
Gordon: Yes! You have no honor for the glorious fuehrer.
Pete: And for that, you get to work in the train yard.
Gordon: Whatever *Walks away*
********
Gordon: *Driving train up hill*
Coffee Creme: Heavy freight trains have to go slow downhill.
Gordon: *Not listening*
Coffee Creme: Gordon, slow down.
Gordon: *Forgets to put brakes on*
Their train soon started going very fast as soon as it went downhill. It was too late to apply the brakes now.
Coffee Creme: Great work you fool.
Gordon: Again with the antagonizing, stop it!
Coffee Creme: *Sees train in front of them* Ok *teleports out of train*
Gordon: What did she leave for? *Crashes into train*
Coffee Creme: *Sees damage* Oh Gordon. You had to crash into those tank cars, carrying tar.
The tar splashed onto the engine, and some even went into the cab, and landed on Gordon. He was more dirty than hurt.
*****************
Red Rose: *Brings in breakdown train*
Coffee Creme: Red Rose, you're back.
Red Rose: Yeah, and I get to drive a train for once.
Stylo: *goes in cab* Hey Red Rose. Whoever is this dirty pony?
Red Rose: That's Gordon. Didn't you know?
Stylo: It looks like Gordon, but Gordon is a splendid pony. You never see his good looks being ruined.
Gordon: *Ignores them*
Coffee Creme: *Arrives* You can try, and get that tar off of you.
Gordon: I already tried. It didn't work.
Coffee Creme: That's a shame. You really should apologize to Stylo after what you said to him.
Gordon: How do you know about that?
Coffee Creme: He told me.
Gordon: *Facehoof*
Episode 22
Gordon: You're both a disgrace to this railroad.
Hawkeye: Ha, look who's talking.
Coffee Creme: Get to work, both of you.
Hawkeye: Sure thing mother. *walks away*
Stylo: I'm right behind you. *Follows Hawkeye*
Coffee Creme: Where are you going?
Stylo: To work.
Coffee Creme: You didn't get any assignments yet.
Hawkeye: *Looks at Coffee Creme* Why are you giving us orders? That's Pete's job.
Pete: *Arrives* Did somepony say my name?
Gordon: These two are disobeying rules.
Hawkeye: Coffee Creme is trying to order us around.
Pete: That's my job, and how did these two disobey orders?
Gordon: Hawkeye doesn't want to work with me.
Pete: Who would? Pierce, you're working with Stylo instead.
********
Captain Wilson: *walks to Pete* Are you Pete Reimer?
Pete: Yes sir. How can I help you?
Captain Wilson: I want to thank you for getting me, and my squad back home safely. Oh, and uh I don't have enough cash for a hotel. You wouldn't mind if I spent the night here, would you? I can do work for you in the trainyards.
Pete: I don't see a problem with that.
Captain Wilson: Thank you. Oh, and one more thing. *grabs revolver* I want this kept in a safe spot.
Pete: *Examines revolver* That's a Colt Peacemaker.
Captain Wilson: Yes sir, and I'm proud of it.
Pete: Alright. I can find a safe spot for your gun.
Captain Wilson: Thank you.
Corporal O' Reilly: Sir. You coming with us?
Captain Wilson: I can't, you continue without me.
Corporal O' Reilly: Whatever you say sir. *Walks away*
*******************
Percy: *Drunk, and holding a teddy bear* Captain Wilson?
Captain Wilson: What do you want Percy?
Percy: I'm ready to die, but I just want you to know, you're complaining over nothing, and you oughta go fuck yourself.
Captain Wilson: You're drunk.
Percy: You better believe it *Holding bear like gun*
Soon, a gunshot was heard
Percy: *Looks at teddy bear* MY BEAR WENT OFF!!
Episode 23
Hawkeye: You got beautiful eyes.
Metal Gloss: Aw, that's so sweet. You know, I've never met such a handsome stallion in my life, until I met you.
Hawkeye: Flattering, but true. *Kisses Metal Gloss*
Metal Gloss: Wanna go dancing at the club tomorrow night?
Hawkeye: You got it.
Coffee Creme: *Arrives* Ehem!
Hawkeye: Oh great, the love hater is here.
Coffee Creme: What is this?
Hawkeye: What? We're just having a good time.
Coffee Creme: Don't do that around me!
Hawkeye: Coff' what has gotten into you?
Coffee Creme: Don't call me Coff'.
Hawkeye: Okay.
Metal Gloss: I think I should go. *Walks away*
Hawkeye: Great. You see what you did?
Coffee Creme: Oui, and I'm proud of it. I don't want you near her again, do you understand?!
Hawkeye: You're not my boss, but whatever. *walks away*
**************
Pete: *Signing papers*
Coffee Creme: *Arrives*
Pete: What is it?
Coffee Creme: I want to talk to you about Pierce, and Metal Gloss.
Pete: What's the matter?
Coffee Creme: I just saw them kissing!
Pete: So? What's wrong with that?
Coffee Creme: Well, pretty soon they're going to do more than that. They could-
Pete: No.
Coffee Creme: Excuse me?
Pete: You're over reacting, and I think you should leave those two alone. They just need a little romance in their life, and so do you. After all, you still need to go on your first date with Gordon.
Coffee Creme: Oh, thank you for reminding me.
Pete: Anytime.
******************
Gordon: Where's our goddamn menu?
Coffee Creme: They'll be here soon, relax.
Gordon: I don't want to relax. I want my menu!
Percy: *Still in waiter's uniform* Sir, keep that up, and we'll kick you out of here.
Gordon: You can't make me leave. I am on a date with my special somepony.
Percy: It doesn't matter. Leave.
Coffee Creme: Wait a minute. Percy?
Percy: Percy who?
Hawkeye: Now *Kissing Metal Gloss*
Coffee Creme: *Sees Hawkeye kissing Metal Gloss* HAWKEYE!!
Customers: *Staring at Coffee Creme*
Gordon: Wow. Normally, I'm the one shouting at others.
Episode 24
Pete: Gordon, I have to go deal with something down in Silver City.
Gordon: Whoa. They have an entire city made of silver?
Pete: No, that's just the name of the city. It's in New Mexico.
Gordon: Oh. So, why are you telling me this?
Pete: You're in charge.
Gordon: Me? This is awesome! I'm going to do the greatest things this railroad ever witnessed.
Pete: Yep. Just do what it says on this paper *Gives Gordon paper*
Gordon: *Reading paper* You got it.
Pete: Don't fuck anything up, or you'll get suspended from work for three months.
Gordon: Okay, I get it. You want me to be responsible for once.
****************
Percy: *Arrives* So this is the desk you ordered.
Gordon: That's right. I bet you don't know what kind of wood this is.
Percy: It's oak.
Gordon: Nope. It's oak.
Percy: *shrugs* Whatever *Leaves office*
********************
Hawkeye: Wha- Well don't you recognize my voice you numnut? This is Gordon Suite!
President: Oh yeah.
Hawkeye: Listen, the deal for those steam engines are off, you can find another railroad willing to give them to you-
Gordon: *Arrives* You got him, good! Now get off the desk, and give me my phone *Takes phone* Hello?
President: Yeah? I'm still here.
Gordon: Good. I'm so glad you took the time to call me back.
President: I called you?
Gordon: Yes, you said you would when you made up your mind about the deal.
President: Earlier you said you wouldn't give those steam locomotives to me.
Gordon: I did not.
Stylo: *Leaning on desk*
Gordon: Off the desk!
Stylo: *Gets off desk*
Episode 25
Orion: But you know what I wanna do?
Snowflake: What?
Orion: Get fired.
Snowflake: Excuse me?
Orion: I've had it with Pete changing my orders all the time! At first, he wants me to push freight cars down the hump, then he wants me to drive a passenger train to Chicagoat!
Snowflake: So you're saying that you want to get fired, just to prevent yourself from being busy?
Orion: No! I want him to wait until he gives me another job, before he switches it.
Snowflake: Oh. Well, tough shit.
Orion: Oh no it's not. *Switches points*
Stylo's train got derailed. Orion switched the points before the train got off, causing the wheels to come off the tracks.
***********
Pete: As you can see, this hill goes up for a very long time, and it's a very steep grade.
Inspector 1: Well in that case, we would like to see the trainstation now.
Pete: Alright. It's really great that you guys are here. *Sticks out hoof*
Inspectors: *Doing nothing*
Pete: Aren't we forgetting something here?
Inspector 1: What might that be Mr. Reimer?
Pete: You were complimented, and we're working on business here. You have to shake my hoof.
Inspector 1: Uh, that's not really a good idea.
Inspector 2: We've heard that the mafia come around here, and try to steal from the trains.
Pete: Damnit, you shake my hoof, and you do it now!
Inspector 1: *Shakes hoof*
Soon, a bullet whizzed past, hitting the ground.
Inspectors: *Hiding behind locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots tree*
Pete: *Pulls out gun*
Gangster: *Shoots rail*
Pete: Well we could stay here, and fight. Or we could go back to the station, and eat lunch.
Inspectors: LUNCH!
Pete: Yeah, I'm a little hungry myself. *walking to locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots ground*
Pete: *Climbs into locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots locomotive*
Pete: *Putting driving gloves on*
Gangster: *Shoots window*
Inspectors: *Flinch*
Pete: *Staying calm, and drives locomotive away from gangster*
*****************
Pete: Orion Stardust.
Inspector: What does he do?
Pete: He works hard, and does his best. However, his assignments keep getting switched, and he wants to get fired on purpose because of this.
Inspector: Where is he now?
Pete: I don't know, probably sitting around somewhere.
Orion: *Finished building hang glider* Time to take flight! *Jumps off hill in hang glider*
He flew above Hawkeye, and Metal Gloss
Hawkeye: *Kissing Metal Gloss*
Metal Gloss: *Kissing Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: *Looks up at sky* Look!
Metal Gloss: *Sees pony on hang glider* Who is that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, but it looks like a big white bird with fuzzy pink feet.
Metal Gloss: Nuh, uh.
Stylo: *Arrives* Pierce, did you see a big white bird, with fuzzy pink feet?
Hawkeye: Yep. I told you so Metal Gloss.
Orion: *Gliding in the sky*
Back at the station
Inspector: Well, thanks for everything Mr. Reimer.
The phone rings
Pete: *Answers phone* Hello, Cheyenne Train Station, Union Pacific. Pete Reimer speaking.
Hawkeye: Pete, it's me Pierce. We just saw Orion flying on a hang glider. It looked like he was wearing a white dress.
Pete: Oh christ. I'll be right there. *Hangs up* I just got a call near Sherman Hill.
Inspector: We better go with you.
Pete: Thanks, I'll need all the help I can get. *Runs out of station*
Episode 26
Gordon: I've got enough money, this and I have two, and a half more months until my suspension is over. *takes money, and leaving house*
Gordon's Wife: Where do you think you're going?!
Gordon: Portland.
Gordon's Wife: That's unacceptable. You're staying right here.
Gordon: Alyssa, I'm the stallion of this house, I'll go, and do whatever I want.
Alyssa: Unless you want to get beaten up, you stay here.
Gordon: *Acting like child* No!
Alyssa: Gordon.
Gordon: I DON'T WANT TO!
Alyssa: Why did I marry such an immature asshole?
Gordon: Why did I marry a fat fuck like you?
Alyssa: Look who's talking.
Gordon: That's it *Walks to Alyssa* Give my your money.
Alyssa: I won't.
Gordon: You give it to me now!
Alyssa: *Teleports out of house*
Gordon: Ha! She's gone. Now, I'm on my way to Portland.
**********************
Passengers: Hurry up with our bags!
Porter: I'm doing the best I can-
Passengers: You're not doing good enough, hurry up!
Porter: Just stop! You're too close to me *Punches passenger*
Gordon: Wow. Even I don't do that to the passengers. *Walks to station*
************************
Alyssa: That's him. *Points at Gordon*
Gordon: What is this?
Alyssa: You assaulted me you asshole.
Gordon: Fuck you! All I did was take your money! I didn't hit you at all.
Police Officer: Tell that to the judge.
Gordon: I didn't hit my wife! She's lying to you!
Pete: Did he really hit you?
Alyssa: No.
Police Officer: *Turns around* What did you say?
Alyssa: *Gulps*
Police Officer: *Looks at Alyssa*
Pete: I asked her if Gordon really hit her, and she said no.
Police Officer: I see. *Lets Gordon out of car*
Gordon: Finally, about fucking time.
Police Officer: That's it. Back in the car. *Puts Gordon back in car*
Alyssa: Ha!
Police Officer: As for you ma'am, you're underarrest for giving the police false information.
Alyssa: I want a divorce.
Gordon: With pleasure.
Police Officer: *Drives away*
After the police went away with Gordon, and Alyssa, it was only Pete, and the Portland Station Master there.
Pete: So, what kind of food do you normally get here?
P.S.M: Sometimes a hamburger, and sometimes pizza.
Pete: How about the pizza? On me.
P.S.M: Yeah, sure.
Episode 27
Pete: *Answers* Hello, this is the Cheyenne Train Station of the Union Pacific. Pete Reimer speaking.
P.S.M: Pete? I've got one of your workers here at my station. He's saying that he helped me with loading baggage on a passenger train.
Pete: What the hay? I suspended him from work for three months, two weeks ago.
P.S.M: Really? Because he helped out really well. Right now, he's loading up another train.
Pete: I'll be right there. *Leaves station*
Hawkeye: *Waiting for train*
Pete: Pierce, I have to go down into Portland to go get Gordon. Until I return, you're in charge.
Hawkeye: Yes sir *Salutes Pete*
Pete: This is a railroad, not the army. *Leaves station*
*********************
Hawkeye: What are you doing?
Coffee Creme: I want to go talk to Gordon.
Hawkeye: Nope. Gordon is busy causing havoc in Portland. You should be glad that he's not here.
Coffee Creme: But I'm dating him.
Hawkeye: I don't care Frenchy. Go back to that yard, and get to the train with Metal Gloss.
Coffee Creme: Don't call me Frenchy.
Hawkeye: Whatever you say... Frenchy.
Coffee Creme: *Rolls eyes, and walks back to train*
*************************
Orion: *Waiting for City of St. Foalis*
Worker: *Switches City of St. Foalis onto platform*
Orion: *hears phone booth ringing, and walks over to it* Hello?
Hawkeye: Orion, is that you?
Orion: Yeah, it's me. What do you want?
Hawkeye: Listen, this is important. Somepony over here injured himself very badly. He needs blood, but you're the only pony with the same blood type as him, and you have to get over here quickly.
Worker: *Comes out of switcher* Hey, the train is ready for you.
Orion: You have to drive it for me.
Worker: Why?
Orion: Because of... *sounding like Dracula* Blood! I must give blood! *Flies high in the sky*
Episode 28
Gordon got out of jail in Portland, and returned to Cheyenne. Everypony had the station decorated for his return.
Hawkeye: I don't understand why we're doing this for Gordon.
Stylo: Because frenchy here is making us do it.
Coffee Creme: What did I tell you about calling me frenchy?
Hawkeye: Don't blame us. You are french after all.
********************
Gordon: Hey guys, guess what?
Hawkeye: What?
Gordon: I'm dating Coffee Creme again!
Stylo: How did you manage to pull that off?
Gordon: I just said I was sorry, and she had a lot of sympathy for me, and now we're dating again.
Hawkeye: Congratulations. I'll send my condolences to Frenchy when we return.
Gordon: Well unlike you guys, she actually likes me.
Stylo: Whatever. *Gets in engine*
Hawkeye: *Gets in engine*
Gordon: So that's it? You don't even care?
Hawkeye: Nope. *Blows horn twice, and drives train*
Gordon: *watching train leave station* They don't even care? They don't even care. Now the question is... Why don't they care?
*********************
Meanwhile, in the town of Cheyenne.
Band: *Playing this song: link *
Hawkeye: *Walks in, and hears music* Where is that coming from?
Bartender: That band right over there. *Points at band*
Hawkeye: That's it!
Band: *Stops playing*
Hawkeye: You're perfect for what I need!
Bartender: Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Hawkeye: On behalf of the Union Pacific Railroad, we'd like to borrow your band for the night.
Bartender: What do you this is, a library? You can't borrow my band.
Hawkeye: The Union Pacific will pay you $6,500 to let your band play for the night at the Cheyenne Train Station.
Bartender: Show me the dough.
Hawkeye: *Gives Bartender $6,500*
Bartender: Damn, you weren't kidding. Okay you guys, you're playing over at the Cheyenne Train Station. Get outta here.
Band: *Packing up*
Bartender: Have them back by tomorrow.
Hawkeye: Yes sir. Follow me everypony to the Train Station.
Band members: *Following Hawkeye to train station*
When they arrived, the station had six tables set up, and they looked like something you would find at a fancy restaurant.
Pete: This diner/station seems like a good idea.
Snowflake: Thank you sir, but don't give me all the credit. Most of this idea was from Stylo.
Pete: Well Stylo, thank you.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Hawkeye: Alright you guys, play your greatest song.
Band: *Plays song: link
When the song shows up on Youtube, set the speed to 0.5
Stylo: Alright, we got good music, a station/restaurant, and a mare willing to act like Gordon's special somepony, just to make it look like he's cheating on Coffee Creme.
Hawkeye: Yeah. The music is so good, it could be used as a theme song for a Television Show.
Stylo: I think so too, but in my opinion, it should be faster.
Hawkeye: What would the show be called?
Stylo: Benny Hill.
Episode 29
Pete: That was a great story, but this one I'm about to tell you is completely different. A long time ago, during the 1860's Equestria was looking for a way to make a transcontinental railroad. There was a line going from Neigh York to Chicagoat, but that wasn't satisfying enough for the Equestrians.
Hawkeye: So they decided to make the line bigger.
Pete: Yup. The Union Pacific didn't have a huge railroad like it does now. It only ran from Chicagoat to Council Bluffs. They went to the west-
Hawkeye: While the Southern Pacific built east from San Franciscolt.
Pete: Yes, but it wasn't the S.P back then. It was the C.P.
Hawkeye: I didn't know it was the Canadian Pacific.
Pete: No, *Laughs* It meant Central Pacific.
********************
In Bringham City, May 8, 1869. 10 miles east of Promontory Utah.
Pete's great grandfather was named Connor.
Mercury: Hey Connor, get over here.
Connor: *Walks over to Mercury* Yeah?
Mercury: We need to take extra special care of this. *Shows golden spike*
Connor: Why is that golden?
Mercury: We're using this as the last spike for the Transcontinental Railroad. When we meet up with the Central Pacific, we'll use this on the line.
Connor: Great, but who would want to steal this?
Mercury: Oh, I don't know, a few robbers, some Indians. You know, anypony that's obsessed with gold.
************************
Pete: So, my great grandfather also ended up being photographed.
Hawkeye: That's pretty cool.
Stylo: What was with those guns?
Pete: I told you the story would take place in the Wild West.
Hawkeye: Hey, that's true.
Episode 30
Orion: *drives to train*
Coffee Creme: You're going too fast!
Orion: Great, then I can get fired. *Crashes into train*
No one was hurt, but Orion crashed into the freight train so hard, that it rolled down the hump all by itself.
Bartholomew: Great Orion. You see what you've done?
Orion: Yep, and I'm proud of it!
Coffee Creme: You nincompoop.
Red Rose: *Looking at runaway freight with binoculars* They're gonna crash into a tank car...
Bartholomew: Better a tank car then a chemical car-
Red Rose: Carrying chemicals!!
Bartholomew: What?!
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The freight train crashed into the tank car with the chemicals, because it was going too fast.
Wilson: Wow, and I thought I've seen it all back at Korea.
Bartholomew: Stick around with Orion, and Gordon, then you'll want to be fighting in Korea again.
***********************
Bartholomew: *Sitting by signalbox*
Red Rose: Hey, is everything okay?
Bartholomew: Yes, it's fine. I was just thinking about leaving the railroad.
Red Rose: Everything is not okay then.
Bartholomew: Since when did you make the decision for me to stay?
Red Rose: Well, why would you want to leave?
Bartholomew: Orion.
*********************
Taxi Pony: *Stops taxi*
Bartholomew: Well, this is it.
Orion: Don't kill him.
Pete: Shut up Orion.
Stylo: Goodbye Bartholomew.
Bartholomew: Good bye all of you. *gets in taxi* Airport please.
Taxi Pony: *drives away*
Orion: You didn't kill him, good.
Pete: Of course I didn't kill him.
The End
Season 4 will start in March.
Seanthehedgehog presents
Ponies On The Rails
Starring
Peirce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog
Red Rose From Chibiemmy
Coffee Creme From KarinaBrony
Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09
Metal Gloss From DragonAura15
Stylo From Jimmythedragon
Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Bartholomew, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog
Season 3 highlights
Gordon: *Sitting on steps of signalbox* What? Were you expecting Hawkeye to show up in a train like the season 2 highlights? Well, tough shit! You get to see my favorite parts of season 3-
Coffee Creme: Gordon, this isn't about you! It's about the fans. Show their favorite parts.
Gordon: Oh, alright.
Episode 21
It was a nice day in Cheyenne, but just when everypony was about to get their work assignments, Gordon arrived.
Gordon: Heil hitler!
Hawkeye: Oh great, world war 2 is still going on after all.
Pete: Gordon, explain this idiocracy!
Gordon: It's the 8th anniversary of Hitler's suicide, and I'm celebrating.
Hawkeye: By acting like a Nazi?
Gordon: Yes! You have no honor for the glorious fuehrer.
Pete: And for that, you get to work in the train yard.
Gordon: Whatever *Walks away*
********
Gordon: *Driving train up hill*
Coffee Creme: Heavy freight trains have to go slow downhill.
Gordon: *Not listening*
Coffee Creme: Gordon, slow down.
Gordon: *Forgets to put brakes on*
Their train soon started going very fast as soon as it went downhill. It was too late to apply the brakes now.
Coffee Creme: Great work you fool.
Gordon: Again with the antagonizing, stop it!
Coffee Creme: *Sees train in front of them* Ok *teleports out of train*
Gordon: What did she leave for? *Crashes into train*
Coffee Creme: *Sees damage* Oh Gordon. You had to crash into those tank cars, carrying tar.
The tar splashed onto the engine, and some even went into the cab, and landed on Gordon. He was more dirty than hurt.
*****************
Red Rose: *Brings in breakdown train*
Coffee Creme: Red Rose, you're back.
Red Rose: Yeah, and I get to drive a train for once.
Stylo: *goes in cab* Hey Red Rose. Whoever is this dirty pony?
Red Rose: That's Gordon. Didn't you know?
Stylo: It looks like Gordon, but Gordon is a splendid pony. You never see his good looks being ruined.
Gordon: *Ignores them*
Coffee Creme: *Arrives* You can try, and get that tar off of you.
Gordon: I already tried. It didn't work.
Coffee Creme: That's a shame. You really should apologize to Stylo after what you said to him.
Gordon: How do you know about that?
Coffee Creme: He told me.
Gordon: *Facehoof*
Episode 22
Gordon: You're both a disgrace to this railroad.
Hawkeye: Ha, look who's talking.
Coffee Creme: Get to work, both of you.
Hawkeye: Sure thing mother. *walks away*
Stylo: I'm right behind you. *Follows Hawkeye*
Coffee Creme: Where are you going?
Stylo: To work.
Coffee Creme: You didn't get any assignments yet.
Hawkeye: *Looks at Coffee Creme* Why are you giving us orders? That's Pete's job.
Pete: *Arrives* Did somepony say my name?
Gordon: These two are disobeying rules.
Hawkeye: Coffee Creme is trying to order us around.
Pete: That's my job, and how did these two disobey orders?
Gordon: Hawkeye doesn't want to work with me.
Pete: Who would? Pierce, you're working with Stylo instead.
********
Captain Wilson: *walks to Pete* Are you Pete Reimer?
Pete: Yes sir. How can I help you?
Captain Wilson: I want to thank you for getting me, and my squad back home safely. Oh, and uh I don't have enough cash for a hotel. You wouldn't mind if I spent the night here, would you? I can do work for you in the trainyards.
Pete: I don't see a problem with that.
Captain Wilson: Thank you. Oh, and one more thing. *grabs revolver* I want this kept in a safe spot.
Pete: *Examines revolver* That's a Colt Peacemaker.
Captain Wilson: Yes sir, and I'm proud of it.
Pete: Alright. I can find a safe spot for your gun.
Captain Wilson: Thank you.
Corporal O' Reilly: Sir. You coming with us?
Captain Wilson: I can't, you continue without me.
Corporal O' Reilly: Whatever you say sir. *Walks away*
*******************
Percy: *Drunk, and holding a teddy bear* Captain Wilson?
Captain Wilson: What do you want Percy?
Percy: I'm ready to die, but I just want you to know, you're complaining over nothing, and you oughta go fuck yourself.
Captain Wilson: You're drunk.
Percy: You better believe it *Holding bear like gun*
Soon, a gunshot was heard
Percy: *Looks at teddy bear* MY BEAR WENT OFF!!
Episode 23
Hawkeye: You got beautiful eyes.
Metal Gloss: Aw, that's so sweet. You know, I've never met such a handsome stallion in my life, until I met you.
Hawkeye: Flattering, but true. *Kisses Metal Gloss*
Metal Gloss: Wanna go dancing at the club tomorrow night?
Hawkeye: You got it.
Coffee Creme: *Arrives* Ehem!
Hawkeye: Oh great, the love hater is here.
Coffee Creme: What is this?
Hawkeye: What? We're just having a good time.
Coffee Creme: Don't do that around me!
Hawkeye: Coff' what has gotten into you?
Coffee Creme: Don't call me Coff'.
Hawkeye: Okay.
Metal Gloss: I think I should go. *Walks away*
Hawkeye: Great. You see what you did?
Coffee Creme: Oui, and I'm proud of it. I don't want you near her again, do you understand?!
Hawkeye: You're not my boss, but whatever. *walks away*
**************
Pete: *Signing papers*
Coffee Creme: *Arrives*
Pete: What is it?
Coffee Creme: I want to talk to you about Pierce, and Metal Gloss.
Pete: What's the matter?
Coffee Creme: I just saw them kissing!
Pete: So? What's wrong with that?
Coffee Creme: Well, pretty soon they're going to do more than that. They could-
Pete: No.
Coffee Creme: Excuse me?
Pete: You're over reacting, and I think you should leave those two alone. They just need a little romance in their life, and so do you. After all, you still need to go on your first date with Gordon.
Coffee Creme: Oh, thank you for reminding me.
Pete: Anytime.
******************
Gordon: Where's our goddamn menu?
Coffee Creme: They'll be here soon, relax.
Gordon: I don't want to relax. I want my menu!
Percy: *Still in waiter's uniform* Sir, keep that up, and we'll kick you out of here.
Gordon: You can't make me leave. I am on a date with my special somepony.
Percy: It doesn't matter. Leave.
Coffee Creme: Wait a minute. Percy?
Percy: Percy who?
Hawkeye: Now *Kissing Metal Gloss*
Coffee Creme: *Sees Hawkeye kissing Metal Gloss* HAWKEYE!!
Customers: *Staring at Coffee Creme*
Gordon: Wow. Normally, I'm the one shouting at others.
Episode 24
Pete: Gordon, I have to go deal with something down in Silver City.
Gordon: Whoa. They have an entire city made of silver?
Pete: No, that's just the name of the city. It's in New Mexico.
Gordon: Oh. So, why are you telling me this?
Pete: You're in charge.
Gordon: Me? This is awesome! I'm going to do the greatest things this railroad ever witnessed.
Pete: Yep. Just do what it says on this paper *Gives Gordon paper*
Gordon: *Reading paper* You got it.
Pete: Don't fuck anything up, or you'll get suspended from work for three months.
Gordon: Okay, I get it. You want me to be responsible for once.
****************
Percy: *Arrives* So this is the desk you ordered.
Gordon: That's right. I bet you don't know what kind of wood this is.
Percy: It's oak.
Gordon: Nope. It's oak.
Percy: *shrugs* Whatever *Leaves office*
********************
Hawkeye: Wha- Well don't you recognize my voice you numnut? This is Gordon Suite!
President: Oh yeah.
Hawkeye: Listen, the deal for those steam engines are off, you can find another railroad willing to give them to you-
Gordon: *Arrives* You got him, good! Now get off the desk, and give me my phone *Takes phone* Hello?
President: Yeah? I'm still here.
Gordon: Good. I'm so glad you took the time to call me back.
President: I called you?
Gordon: Yes, you said you would when you made up your mind about the deal.
President: Earlier you said you wouldn't give those steam locomotives to me.
Gordon: I did not.
Stylo: *Leaning on desk*
Gordon: Off the desk!
Stylo: *Gets off desk*
Episode 25
Orion: But you know what I wanna do?
Snowflake: What?
Orion: Get fired.
Snowflake: Excuse me?
Orion: I've had it with Pete changing my orders all the time! At first, he wants me to push freight cars down the hump, then he wants me to drive a passenger train to Chicagoat!
Snowflake: So you're saying that you want to get fired, just to prevent yourself from being busy?
Orion: No! I want him to wait until he gives me another job, before he switches it.
Snowflake: Oh. Well, tough shit.
Orion: Oh no it's not. *Switches points*
Stylo's train got derailed. Orion switched the points before the train got off, causing the wheels to come off the tracks.
***********
Pete: As you can see, this hill goes up for a very long time, and it's a very steep grade.
Inspector 1: Well in that case, we would like to see the trainstation now.
Pete: Alright. It's really great that you guys are here. *Sticks out hoof*
Inspectors: *Doing nothing*
Pete: Aren't we forgetting something here?
Inspector 1: What might that be Mr. Reimer?
Pete: You were complimented, and we're working on business here. You have to shake my hoof.
Inspector 1: Uh, that's not really a good idea.
Inspector 2: We've heard that the mafia come around here, and try to steal from the trains.
Pete: Damnit, you shake my hoof, and you do it now!
Inspector 1: *Shakes hoof*
Soon, a bullet whizzed past, hitting the ground.
Inspectors: *Hiding behind locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots tree*
Pete: *Pulls out gun*
Gangster: *Shoots rail*
Pete: Well we could stay here, and fight. Or we could go back to the station, and eat lunch.
Inspectors: LUNCH!
Pete: Yeah, I'm a little hungry myself. *walking to locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots ground*
Pete: *Climbs into locomotive*
Gangster: *Shoots locomotive*
Pete: *Putting driving gloves on*
Gangster: *Shoots window*
Inspectors: *Flinch*
Pete: *Staying calm, and drives locomotive away from gangster*
*****************
Pete: Orion Stardust.
Inspector: What does he do?
Pete: He works hard, and does his best. However, his assignments keep getting switched, and he wants to get fired on purpose because of this.
Inspector: Where is he now?
Pete: I don't know, probably sitting around somewhere.
Orion: *Finished building hang glider* Time to take flight! *Jumps off hill in hang glider*
He flew above Hawkeye, and Metal Gloss
Hawkeye: *Kissing Metal Gloss*
Metal Gloss: *Kissing Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: *Looks up at sky* Look!
Metal Gloss: *Sees pony on hang glider* Who is that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, but it looks like a big white bird with fuzzy pink feet.
Metal Gloss: Nuh, uh.
Stylo: *Arrives* Pierce, did you see a big white bird, with fuzzy pink feet?
Hawkeye: Yep. I told you so Metal Gloss.
Orion: *Gliding in the sky*
Back at the station
Inspector: Well, thanks for everything Mr. Reimer.
The phone rings
Pete: *Answers phone* Hello, Cheyenne Train Station, Union Pacific. Pete Reimer speaking.
Hawkeye: Pete, it's me Pierce. We just saw Orion flying on a hang glider. It looked like he was wearing a white dress.
Pete: Oh christ. I'll be right there. *Hangs up* I just got a call near Sherman Hill.
Inspector: We better go with you.
Pete: Thanks, I'll need all the help I can get. *Runs out of station*
Episode 26
Gordon: I've got enough money, this and I have two, and a half more months until my suspension is over. *takes money, and leaving house*
Gordon's Wife: Where do you think you're going?!
Gordon: Portland.
Gordon's Wife: That's unacceptable. You're staying right here.
Gordon: Alyssa, I'm the stallion of this house, I'll go, and do whatever I want.
Alyssa: Unless you want to get beaten up, you stay here.
Gordon: *Acting like child* No!
Alyssa: Gordon.
Gordon: I DON'T WANT TO!
Alyssa: Why did I marry such an immature asshole?
Gordon: Why did I marry a fat fuck like you?
Alyssa: Look who's talking.
Gordon: That's it *Walks to Alyssa* Give my your money.
Alyssa: I won't.
Gordon: You give it to me now!
Alyssa: *Teleports out of house*
Gordon: Ha! She's gone. Now, I'm on my way to Portland.
**********************
Passengers: Hurry up with our bags!
Porter: I'm doing the best I can-
Passengers: You're not doing good enough, hurry up!
Porter: Just stop! You're too close to me *Punches passenger*
Gordon: Wow. Even I don't do that to the passengers. *Walks to station*
************************
Alyssa: That's him. *Points at Gordon*
Gordon: What is this?
Alyssa: You assaulted me you asshole.
Gordon: Fuck you! All I did was take your money! I didn't hit you at all.
Police Officer: Tell that to the judge.
Gordon: I didn't hit my wife! She's lying to you!
Pete: Did he really hit you?
Alyssa: No.
Police Officer: *Turns around* What did you say?
Alyssa: *Gulps*
Police Officer: *Looks at Alyssa*
Pete: I asked her if Gordon really hit her, and she said no.
Police Officer: I see. *Lets Gordon out of car*
Gordon: Finally, about fucking time.
Police Officer: That's it. Back in the car. *Puts Gordon back in car*
Alyssa: Ha!
Police Officer: As for you ma'am, you're underarrest for giving the police false information.
Alyssa: I want a divorce.
Gordon: With pleasure.
Police Officer: *Drives away*
After the police went away with Gordon, and Alyssa, it was only Pete, and the Portland Station Master there.
Pete: So, what kind of food do you normally get here?
P.S.M: Sometimes a hamburger, and sometimes pizza.
Pete: How about the pizza? On me.
P.S.M: Yeah, sure.
Episode 27
Pete: *Answers* Hello, this is the Cheyenne Train Station of the Union Pacific. Pete Reimer speaking.
P.S.M: Pete? I've got one of your workers here at my station. He's saying that he helped me with loading baggage on a passenger train.
Pete: What the hay? I suspended him from work for three months, two weeks ago.
P.S.M: Really? Because he helped out really well. Right now, he's loading up another train.
Pete: I'll be right there. *Leaves station*
Hawkeye: *Waiting for train*
Pete: Pierce, I have to go down into Portland to go get Gordon. Until I return, you're in charge.
Hawkeye: Yes sir *Salutes Pete*
Pete: This is a railroad, not the army. *Leaves station*
*********************
Hawkeye: What are you doing?
Coffee Creme: I want to go talk to Gordon.
Hawkeye: Nope. Gordon is busy causing havoc in Portland. You should be glad that he's not here.
Coffee Creme: But I'm dating him.
Hawkeye: I don't care Frenchy. Go back to that yard, and get to the train with Metal Gloss.
Coffee Creme: Don't call me Frenchy.
Hawkeye: Whatever you say... Frenchy.
Coffee Creme: *Rolls eyes, and walks back to train*
*************************
Orion: *Waiting for City of St. Foalis*
Worker: *Switches City of St. Foalis onto platform*
Orion: *hears phone booth ringing, and walks over to it* Hello?
Hawkeye: Orion, is that you?
Orion: Yeah, it's me. What do you want?
Hawkeye: Listen, this is important. Somepony over here injured himself very badly. He needs blood, but you're the only pony with the same blood type as him, and you have to get over here quickly.
Worker: *Comes out of switcher* Hey, the train is ready for you.
Orion: You have to drive it for me.
Worker: Why?
Orion: Because of... *sounding like Dracula* Blood! I must give blood! *Flies high in the sky*
Episode 28
Gordon got out of jail in Portland, and returned to Cheyenne. Everypony had the station decorated for his return.
Hawkeye: I don't understand why we're doing this for Gordon.
Stylo: Because frenchy here is making us do it.
Coffee Creme: What did I tell you about calling me frenchy?
Hawkeye: Don't blame us. You are french after all.
********************
Gordon: Hey guys, guess what?
Hawkeye: What?
Gordon: I'm dating Coffee Creme again!
Stylo: How did you manage to pull that off?
Gordon: I just said I was sorry, and she had a lot of sympathy for me, and now we're dating again.
Hawkeye: Congratulations. I'll send my condolences to Frenchy when we return.
Gordon: Well unlike you guys, she actually likes me.
Stylo: Whatever. *Gets in engine*
Hawkeye: *Gets in engine*
Gordon: So that's it? You don't even care?
Hawkeye: Nope. *Blows horn twice, and drives train*
Gordon: *watching train leave station* They don't even care? They don't even care. Now the question is... Why don't they care?
*********************
Meanwhile, in the town of Cheyenne.
Band: *Playing this song: link *
Hawkeye: *Walks in, and hears music* Where is that coming from?
Bartender: That band right over there. *Points at band*
Hawkeye: That's it!
Band: *Stops playing*
Hawkeye: You're perfect for what I need!
Bartender: Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Hawkeye: On behalf of the Union Pacific Railroad, we'd like to borrow your band for the night.
Bartender: What do you this is, a library? You can't borrow my band.
Hawkeye: The Union Pacific will pay you $6,500 to let your band play for the night at the Cheyenne Train Station.
Bartender: Show me the dough.
Hawkeye: *Gives Bartender $6,500*
Bartender: Damn, you weren't kidding. Okay you guys, you're playing over at the Cheyenne Train Station. Get outta here.
Band: *Packing up*
Bartender: Have them back by tomorrow.
Hawkeye: Yes sir. Follow me everypony to the Train Station.
Band members: *Following Hawkeye to train station*
When they arrived, the station had six tables set up, and they looked like something you would find at a fancy restaurant.
Pete: This diner/station seems like a good idea.
Snowflake: Thank you sir, but don't give me all the credit. Most of this idea was from Stylo.
Pete: Well Stylo, thank you.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Hawkeye: Alright you guys, play your greatest song.
Band: *Plays song: link
When the song shows up on Youtube, set the speed to 0.5
Stylo: Alright, we got good music, a station/restaurant, and a mare willing to act like Gordon's special somepony, just to make it look like he's cheating on Coffee Creme.
Hawkeye: Yeah. The music is so good, it could be used as a theme song for a Television Show.
Stylo: I think so too, but in my opinion, it should be faster.
Hawkeye: What would the show be called?
Stylo: Benny Hill.
Episode 29
Pete: That was a great story, but this one I'm about to tell you is completely different. A long time ago, during the 1860's Equestria was looking for a way to make a transcontinental railroad. There was a line going from Neigh York to Chicagoat, but that wasn't satisfying enough for the Equestrians.
Hawkeye: So they decided to make the line bigger.
Pete: Yup. The Union Pacific didn't have a huge railroad like it does now. It only ran from Chicagoat to Council Bluffs. They went to the west-
Hawkeye: While the Southern Pacific built east from San Franciscolt.
Pete: Yes, but it wasn't the S.P back then. It was the C.P.
Hawkeye: I didn't know it was the Canadian Pacific.
Pete: No, *Laughs* It meant Central Pacific.
********************
In Bringham City, May 8, 1869. 10 miles east of Promontory Utah.
Pete's great grandfather was named Connor.
Mercury: Hey Connor, get over here.
Connor: *Walks over to Mercury* Yeah?
Mercury: We need to take extra special care of this. *Shows golden spike*
Connor: Why is that golden?
Mercury: We're using this as the last spike for the Transcontinental Railroad. When we meet up with the Central Pacific, we'll use this on the line.
Connor: Great, but who would want to steal this?
Mercury: Oh, I don't know, a few robbers, some Indians. You know, anypony that's obsessed with gold.
************************
Pete: So, my great grandfather also ended up being photographed.
Hawkeye: That's pretty cool.
Stylo: What was with those guns?
Pete: I told you the story would take place in the Wild West.
Hawkeye: Hey, that's true.
Episode 30
Orion: *drives to train*
Coffee Creme: You're going too fast!
Orion: Great, then I can get fired. *Crashes into train*
No one was hurt, but Orion crashed into the freight train so hard, that it rolled down the hump all by itself.
Bartholomew: Great Orion. You see what you've done?
Orion: Yep, and I'm proud of it!
Coffee Creme: You nincompoop.
Red Rose: *Looking at runaway freight with binoculars* They're gonna crash into a tank car...
Bartholomew: Better a tank car then a chemical car-
Red Rose: Carrying chemicals!!
Bartholomew: What?!
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The freight train crashed into the tank car with the chemicals, because it was going too fast.
Wilson: Wow, and I thought I've seen it all back at Korea.
Bartholomew: Stick around with Orion, and Gordon, then you'll want to be fighting in Korea again.
***********************
Bartholomew: *Sitting by signalbox*
Red Rose: Hey, is everything okay?
Bartholomew: Yes, it's fine. I was just thinking about leaving the railroad.
Red Rose: Everything is not okay then.
Bartholomew: Since when did you make the decision for me to stay?
Red Rose: Well, why would you want to leave?
Bartholomew: Orion.
*********************
Taxi Pony: *Stops taxi*
Bartholomew: Well, this is it.
Orion: Don't kill him.
Pete: Shut up Orion.
Stylo: Goodbye Bartholomew.
Bartholomew: Good bye all of you. *gets in taxi* Airport please.
Taxi Pony: *drives away*
Orion: You didn't kill him, good.
Pete: Of course I didn't kill him.
The End
Season 4 will start in March.
