posted by Seanthehedgehog
Randy: *Laying on floor with his zeppelin, surrounded by gift wrap*
Dad: *On couch with Ralphie, and Mother* My god. Will you look at that mess?
Dad: Who's gonna clean it up?
Ralphie: Not me.
Dad: Randy did it last year.
Ralphie: Well he can do it again.
Dad: *Drinking glass of wine* This wine ain't bad. It's not good either. You want some?
Mother: No you don't. Did you have a nice Christmas?
Dad: Did you get everything you wanted?
Dad: Don't worry. There's always next Christmas. *Squints* Say. What's that behind the desk?
Ralphie: *Gets excited*
Dad: Why don't you go take a look?
Ralphie: *Walks to desk slowly, and finds another present*
Mother: *Staring at Dad*
Dad: Santa must've brought it to him.
Ralphie: *Opens present, and finds the official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle inside a box* Wow.
Dad: Go ahead. Open it.
Ralphie: *Opens box, and slowly takes out the gun*
Dad: Do you know how to load it?
Ralphie: *Finds small bottle of bullets, and opens cap on gun*
Dad: Be careful pouring the bullets in. They go all over.
Ralphie: *Slowly pours bullets into gun*
Dad: Close it up.
Ralphie: *Closes bottle, and closes cap on gun* Can I try it out Ma? Can I?
Mother: Alright, in the backyard. *Breathes out* I still say those things are dangerous.
Ralphie: *Runs into another room to put on boots*
Mother: Don't forget your coat, hat and galoshes. *Glares at Dad*
Dad: I had one when I was eight years old.
Mother: What if he hurts himself?
Ralphie: *Runs past*
Mother: Ralphie, your coat!!
Ralphie: *Runs through kitchen, and outside the house*
Mother: Don't shoot any animals!
Dad: Except the Bumpuses dogs!
Mother: *Puts turkey food on table*
Now it's a well known fact that my old stallion was a turkey addict, but this year, my mother was determined to prevent him from having any of it, until it was prepared properly.
Ralphie: *Holding gun* Okay Black Bart. Now you get yours. *Aiming gun at target which was set up on the box that his gun was in. He shoots one bullet, and it hits the target, and bounces off the box, hitting his face*
Oh my god, I shot my eye out!!
Ralphie: *Having voices echo through his head*
Blue Fedora: *As Santa Claus* You'll shoot your eye out kid.
Miss Shields, Mother: [in Ralphie's fantasy, Miss Shields is dressed as the Wicked Witch and Ralphie's mother as a jester, both chanting] You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!
Blue Fedora: Ho ho ho!
Mother: *In Kitchen* Ralphie you be careful out there, don't shoot your eye out!
She hasn't noticed. My eye seems okay, the bullet must've hit my glasses.
Ralphie: *Finds out he is not wearing his glasses*
My glasses! Oh no, where are my glasses?! Nothing was more embarrassing than being a young colt with a pair of busted glasses.
Dad: *Tries to take a peice of turkey*
Mother: *Appears from furnace room* STOP!
Dad: *Runs away*
Ralphie: *Slowly walks around backyard looking for glasses. He hears a crunching sound, and lifts up his right front hoof, seeing his glasses are broken* Oh no.
Oh no. Pulvarised.
Ralphie: oh no!
At first, I thought I'd fake it. They'll never know. Then, I thought of how it happened. Uuuh, yeah! An Icycle. Comes crashing down from the garage, and hits my glasses. Quickly, I swept up some tears.
Mother: *Hears Ralphie crying* Ralphie?
Ralphie: *Fake crying*
Mother: *Comes outside* Ralphie? *Sees that he is crying, and gasps* What happened?
Ralphie: There was this icycle, and it broke my glasses.
Mother: Okay, let's get you upstairs. *Walks into house with Ralphie*
Dad: *Sees Mother, and Ralphie* What's going on?
Mother: Nothing. Everything's fine. Just read your funnies. *Goes upstairs with Ralphie*
Dad: *Looks at newspaper* Randy? Wake up Randy.
Randy: *Still sleeping with Zeppelin*
Ralphie: *Walks into bathroom with Mother* It was moving really fast! I tried to get out of the way, but it broke my glasses.
Mother: *Looks at Ralphie's face* Oh see? It's just a little bump. Ralphie, you're lucky it didn't cut your eye! Those icicles have been known to kill ponies.
Dad: *Walks to turkey in kitchen, and hears Ralphie crying* What's going on?!
Mother: Nothing, I got it under control.
Dad: *Tries to cut off a peice of the turkey*
Mother: You stay away from that turkey! It isn't ready yet, you'll get worms.
Dad: *Cuts off a peice of turkey anyway*
Ralphie: What about my glasses?
Mother: You can wear the old ones with the crack in them, until we get you some new ones.
Ralphie: *Smiles at the reader*
I have pulled it off.
Ralphie: *Looks back at Mother, and continues pretending to be sad* But I left my gun outside.
Mother: You can get dressed, and when you go back outside, get your gun.
Dad: *Sits at his couch with newspaper*
Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us.
Dogs: *Walking through house*
Dad: *Doesn't notice the dogs, and continues reading newspaper*
More Dogs: *Walking past Dad*
Dad: *Puts away newspaper* hey!
Dogs: *Grab turkey, and fight over it*
Other Dogs: *Break table*
Mother: *Hearing dogs*
Ralphie: Let's go downstairs.
Dad: *Sees dogs fighting over turkey, and breaking the door off of it's hinges* no.
Dogs: *Running away*
Dad: *Leans outside, and is very infuriated* You- SONS OF BITCHES!!! BUMPUSES!!!!!!!! *Goes back into house*
Dad: *Examining damage*
The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
Mother: *Continues crying*
Ralphie: *Gives mother a hankerchief*
Dad: Alright. Everypony upstairs, get dressed. We are going out to eat.
Indeed we did, at a Chinese restaurant.
Waiters: Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra. Tis the season to be jorry-
Owner: Stop stop stop stop stop. No, no, not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'! Deck the halls with bells of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la. Try again.
Waiters: Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Owner: Stop stop stop. No, no! Sing something else.
Waiters: *Discussing their next song, and begin to sing* Jingre bers, jingre bers, jingre arr the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-human open sreigh!
Owner: Stop stop stop stop. Kitchen, bring food.
Waiters: *Go to kitchen*
Mother: *Still crying about the turkey*
Waiters: *Arrive with turkey*
Ralphie: It's hear.
Waiters: *Put turkey on table*
Owner: Is there something wrong?
Dad: Well, there is one thing.
Dad: It looks great. It's a beautiful duck, but there's one problem.
Dad: It's happy.
Mother: Like a-
Dad: Smiling happy!
Owner: Oh. *Cuts head off*
Mother: AHH! *Starts to laugh* I'm sorry.
Owner: It's alright. Enjoy your turkey.
Dad, Ralphie, Randy, and Mother: Yay!!
That Christmas would last in our memories forever. The very first one where we had Chinese turkey.
That night, at the house, during a snowstorm.
Dad: *Walks downstairs, and hears Silent Night on the radio. The only lights on at the house are the lights on the Christmas tree*
Mother: Come sit here.
Dad: *Sits with Mother in front of front window*
Mother: Oooh, isn't that beautiful?
Dad: Certainly. It's wonderful.
Randy: *Sleeping in bed with his Zeppelin*
Ralphie: *Sleeping in bed with his BB gun*
Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots.
I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, because I worked my ass off to write it.
Special Thanks to the following
Aqua Marine: She allowed me to use a few of her characters for this story.
Izfankirby: Being in my roleplays
Dragonaura15: I created a club for her, and she really likes it.
Canada24, and Alinah09: The newest members of my own club
Jade_23, and NocturnalMirage: My best friends on fanpop
And of course, everyone that becomes a fan of this article, and posts a comment saying how awesome this is.