Ass Ass Inn

Starring Rainbow Dash as Marisa Sayers
Double Scoop as Lloyd
Saten Twist as Mercury
Pleiades as Joanna
Master Sword as George
Mortomis as Ranger
Cosmic Rainbow as Donovan
Blaze as Richard

A pony arrived at the Ass Ass Inn with mail.

Mail Pony: I got mail for you.
Marisa: Ah great. He probably wants to blackmail me into ma******ting for some video on the internet.
Audience: *Laughing*
Mercury: *Takes his mail*
George: *Takes his mail*
Mail Pony: I got one more letter for a mare named Marisa Sayers.
Marisa: Can somepony please get it for me?
Donovan: I got it. *Takes letter, and gives it to Marisa*
Mail Pony: *Looks at Marisa* There you are. Not only did I want to deliver that letter to you, but if you don't ma******te in that video, I'll show everypony in here an embarrassing photo of you.
Marisa: Typical. Everytime blackmailing occurs, an embarrasing photo is involved.
Audience: *Laughing*
Mail Pony: Good day. *Leaves*
Richard: You know, I could kill him for you.
Marisa: Nah, let me deal with him. *Opens letter* Dear Marisa, watch your back. We will be coming to kill you. Okay, who wrote this?
Lloyd: What are you talking about?
Marisa: Is this some kind of a prank?
Mercury: Are you accusing us of sending you that letter?
Marisa: No, I'm blaming the tooth fairy.
Audience: *Laughing*
George: Well, if you want, we could protect you from whoever sent you that threatening letter.
Marisa: I don't feel threatened. I know you guys are doing this as a joke. Besides, last time I trusted you guys to protect me, I got raped.
Audience: *Laughing*
Donovan: It wasn't our fault some stallion was waiting for you in the bathroom.
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: You could've gone in there with me.
Donovan: It was the mare's room! I'm not allowed to go in there.
Marisa: Then explain to me why that stallion who raped me got in there.
Donovan: That's a dumb question, it's a rapist!
Audience: *Laughing*

After work, Marisa walked to her car in the parking lot. Two stallions dressed in trench coats were waiting next to a delivery van.

Marisa: *Walking across the parking lot*
Trench Coat Pony: *Shoots two bullets*
Marisa: *Takes cover* Well this could be worse

Flashback

Mercury: Happy birthday Marisa.
Marisa: *Sees her cake* I hate chocolate!

End flashback.

Marisa: Okay, maybe not.
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: *Climbs over wall*
Trench Coat Pony 2: *Shoots wall, but misses Marisa*
Marisa: *Runs to another wall*
Trench Coat Pony: *Shoots at Marisa, but misses*
Marisa: *Hiding*
Police Ponies: *Shooting at trench coat ponies*
Marisa: *Sees window, and climbs through it*
Trench Coat Pony 2: *Gets shot*
Marisa: *Sneaks into her car* Alright, where's the key that starts this thing? *Gets all of her keys*
Police Pony: *Gets shot by trench coat pony*
Marisa: *Looking through her keys* No, that's the key for the house, and this one is for my safe, and this one is for my car. Too bad it only unlocks the doors, even though it looks exactly like the one that goes into the ignition.
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: It's worth a try. *Puts car key into ignition*
Trench Coat Pony: *Sees Marisa in her car*
Marisa: *Drives away*
Trench Coat Pony: *Shoots two bullets*
Marisa: Guess Mercury, and his friends aren't doing this as a joke at all.
Mercury: *Appears out of nowhere* No kidding!
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: You weren't here when I left the parking lot. How did you get into my car?
Mercury: By popular demand.
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: Well, it's a good thing you did show up out of nowhere.

Next day.

Marisa: *Reading newspaper* Those ponies that tried to kill me got arrested yesterday.
Ranger: Good.
George: Why did they try to kill you anyway?
Marisa: I don't know. It's Los Angeles. Anything can happen.
Audience: *Laughing*
Mail Pony: *Arrives* Since you have refused to ma******te in that video, I brought along that embarrassing photo I promised to bring in.
Marisa: You never promised.
Mail Pony: Not to you, but my boss made me promise to him that I'd show it around here.
Audience: *Laughing*
Marisa: Kill him.
George: With pleasure. *Shoots mail pony*
Marisa: Life has it's ups, and downs. He just had a major down.
Audience: *Clapping*

Coming up next, it's Celebrity Jeopardy.