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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Mortomis was currently working as a cashier at ShopRite.

Customer: *Gives Mortomis a one hundred dollar bill* Thank you.
Mortomis: Thank you. Have a good day. *Looks around, and sees that no one is looking at him. He sticks the hundred dollar bill into his pocket*
Audience: *Laughing*
Mortomis: Tom, and all of the others are idiots. I told them that being a cashier is awesome, and they don't believe me.
Saten Twist: *Appears with two boxes of Cookie Crisps* Hey, how's it going?
Mortomis: Good, and you?
Saten Twist: Fine. Tell me, when did you get this job?
Mortomis: Yesterday.
Saten Twist: You know being a cashier is stupid, right?
Audience: *Laughing*
Mortomis: Somepony has to do it.
Saten Twist: Fair enough.
Ponies: *Forming a line behind Saten Twist* Hurry up with your cookies asshole!
Saten Twist: Go buy more shit you don't need, and get poor you dicks!
Audience: *Laughing*
Saten Twist: I also heard from Tom, and Master Sword that somepony maybe working as a cashier in order to steal money. Is it possible that you know who I'm talking about?
Mortomis: *Looks down at the floor* No.
Saten Twist: Look me in the eye!
Mortomis: *Looks Saten Twist in the eye, keeping a straight face* No!! For accusing me of doing something like that, the price of your cookies will double.
Audience: *Laughing*
Saten Twist: *Leaves*
Mortomis: *Looks at the cookies he left behind* Oh well. I heard these were good. Next?
Pony: *Arrives* I have six bananas, five boxes of Lucky Charms, a hotwheels Camaro, four pieces of chicken, and season 7 of Ponies On The Rails on DVD.
Mortomis: Okay, let's see how much that costs.
Manager: *Arrives* Or not.
Audience: *Light laughter*
Mortomis: What?
Manager: Come with me, and you'll find out what I'm talking about.
Mortomis: Can I deal with this customer first?
Manager: No.
Audience: *Light laughter*

They went into the manager's office.

Manager: I heard rumors that you have been stealing money from our cash registers. Is this true?
Mortomis: It's a rumor, it's not supposed to be true.
Audience: *Laughing*
Manager: Okay you two, come in.
Tom & Master Sword: *Arrives*
Mortomis: What are you two doing here?
Tom: We videotaped you before Saten arrived.
Mortomis: He was in on this?
Master Sword: No, he would have recreated Pearl Harbor if we let him join us.
Audience: *Laughing*
Manager: These two sent me a video of you during work. I saw it, and I am not happy.
Mortomis: I know, cut to the chase, and let me get back to work.
Audience: *Lightly laughing*
Manager: You stole money from our cash registers. You are fired.
Mortomis: Excuse me for a moment while I get my Tommygun.
Audience: *Laughing*

Coming up next on the last part, it's the bloopers.
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Ice Cube's car is green, and Sally's car is silver
Ice Cube's car is green, and Sally's car is silver
In Ice Cube's hideout in Compton L.A.

Song: link

Ice Cube: Alright Vito. Me, and Sally here are gonna go down to the storm drains, and get those weapons for ISIS ready. You stay here, and protect the prisoners.
Vito: Why do I have to stay here?
Ice Cube: Because you called me the N word.
Vito: *Sighs*
Sally: Here we go again.
Ice Cube: Let's go Sally. *Gets in car*
Sally: *Gets in another car*
Ice Cube: *Drives*
Sally: *Drives, and follows Ice Cube*
Vito: This is stupid. *Hears a sound* What was that? *Goes downstairs*
Fenix: Stay quiet. *Grabs gun* I got you covered.
Vito: *Comes downstairs* Hey!...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Ice Cube's train
Ice Cube's train
Previously, Con, and Ice Cube were in a car chase, but there cars fell off a bridge. Now, they were standing face to face on the railroad line.

Con: *Pointing gun at Ice Cube* Get Pinkie out of the trunk of your car.
Ice Cube: And why should I do that?
Con: Because if you don't, you'll find a bullet that has your name on it. Unlock the trunk.
Ice Cube: *Opens trunk door to her car*
Pinkie Pie: *Comes out* Danke! Now let's throw a party!
Ice Cube: Man shut up! Okay, you got your friend, now leave me alone.
Con: I don't think so. You have attacked a spy of the C.I.E, and pose as a threat to us with...
continue reading...
posted by purrloinedlove
Pleiades wakes up to a thunderstorm and her friend Moonbow and her little brother Midnight Dream Boat (preferring Bart for obvious reasons) stop by. "Look Pleiades! I can do this!" He casts a spell he learned in Basic Magic class. "Whoa Bart. I can't even do that." "You're a pegasus silly!" "Yes I am and I'm proud of it." "Quincy is stopping by soon. Bart want to make breakfast with us? We're doing toaster waffles and applesos." (It's not "sauce" people.) Pleiades brings out the waffles, the syrup, the marmalade, and the butter. "Pleiades is the applesos cold?" "Yaas sir ma'am sir." Moonbow...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
The Story of Corporal Agarn

Theme song

Though he goes on a rage from time to time
He is a very good friend of mine
And in Fort Courage he is well known as
Corporal Agarn

Starring Master Sword as Corporal Agarn
Tom Foolery as Captain Parmenter
Saten Twist as Sargent O' Rourke
Mortomis as Dobbs, the bugler

One day at Fort Courage.

Sargent O' Rourke: *Walking by the cannon*
Corporal Agarn: Hello Sarge.
Sargent O' Rourke: Good morning Agarn.
Corporal Agarn: *Looks at clock* But Sarge, it's 1 PM.
Audience: *Laughing*
Sargent O' Rourke: We're in the army. We have to say thirteen hundred hours.
Corporal Agarn:...
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Wayne
Wayne
We decided to get a few ponies on a train heading from Manehattan to Chicagoat, to interview some other ponies working on a Railway called Amtrak. It's a big railroad that brings ponies to hundreds of places in Equestria, as well as Canada.

Our train will be going from Manehattan, to Chicagoat, and it's called the Lake Shore Limited. Right now, we're looking at the conductor named Wayne.

Wayne: *Looking at camera* Is this thing on?
Camera Pony: Yeah. So, let's start with your name.
Wayne: It's Wayne.
Camera Pony: How long have you worked for this railway?
Wayne: About two months. I got the job...
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Equestria. Have you ever wondered about how some things in that world are how they are today? Well now, you are about to find out. From having fun, in the park, to fighting crime, or evil terrorists, this is the History of Equestria.

Episode 3: Railways

When most ponies decide to travel, or send goods from one place to another, they rely on the train. Freight trains bring in goods, and supplies that ponies need, while passenger trains take ponies from one place to another.

One of Equestria's famous trains is the Friendship Express. It's the only modern passenger train to be powered by steam....
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
It was a wonderful day in Canterlot, until some ponies started panicking.

Con: What's going on?
P: Discord is back, and he's murdering more ponies!
Con: I'll stop him!
Discord: Keep it up! Everypony in this town must die!
Korean ponies: Affirmative! *kill each other*
Discord: Don't kill each other! Only kill the ones that live here.
Con: *shoots Discord*
Discord: You really think that pistol of yours will work?
Con: I shot you in the arm! Why aren't you bleeding?
Discord: Because, I'm invincible!
Con: *takes away invincibility* Not anymore.
Discord: That's it, you're screwed! Everypony, drop...
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Sweetie Belle was too angry to sleep, and decided to take revenge on Rarity.


SweetieBelle plans to ruin one of Rarity's hats.
Angle on her shoulder: No! Don't do it!
Devil on shoulder: Don't lesson to that sissy. Do it!
Angle: Who you calling a sissy!
Devil: You... Sissy.
SweetieBelle: Guys this isn't helping.
Angle: Look. Look.. Rarity didn't mean it.
SweetieBelle: Wow.. Guess your right..
Angle: That's right. Now just go back to be- *literary gets shot by a gun that the devil pulls out*
SweetieBelle: OH MY GOD!
Devil: *points the tiny gun* DO IT! DO IT NOW!
SweetieBelle: *puts hands up* Okay. Okay. Take it.. Take it easy *nervously goes back to ruining the hat*

TO BE CONTAINUED
added by SkyheartPegasus
Source: derpibooru
posted by Canada24
Too start this story. Lets go back to SEASON ONE...


9PM AT NIGHT:
AppleJack (in one of rare times she's not wearing her hat) is seen tiredly trotting home.
Suddenly a red Pony falls out the sky, and almost hits her.

AppleJack: Saten Twist?
Saten Twist: *drunkily* H Hey Applejack (I'm change him to just a Pegasus, not sure why I originally had him an alicorn. But it was cool at the time).
AppleJack: Are you drunk or something?
Saten Twist: *dizzily* No I'm no- A little
AppleJack: *giggles* You really need some sort of intervention. I mean this is third time in one day.

Suddenly Saten Twist squeeze hugged...
continue reading...
added by SkyheartPegasus
Source: EQD
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Nikki got to the turntable, and was turning her engine around.

Coffee Creme: *Looking at engine, then notices Nikki* Nikki!! *Hugs Nikki*
Nikki: *Hugging back* Good to see you again after all these years.
Coffee Creme: When did you start working for this railway?
Nikki: I don't work here, I work for the Southern Pacific.
Coffee Creme: Oh.
Nikki: But don't worry, I'll be bringing in a lot of trains for y'all. How's Honey Bee? I haven't seen her since she moved out of our neighborhood.
Coffee Creme: She's dead.
Nikki: What?
Coffee Creme: Somepony crashed into her train three years ago.
Nikki: Aw,...
continue reading...
posted by TotalDramaFan60
Wat:
Attempt One and Two

Don't rush, guys.

Wat:
Attempt Three

"Okay, Princess. Celestia, here are my new five friends."

"Okay, here have two tickets."

Wat:
Attempt Four

Drunk Applejack

Wat:
Attempt Five

Gilda is a bitch.

Wat:
Attempt Six

Two-parter with Trixie needs to happen.

Wat:
Attempt Seven

"There's a cloud of--"

"Shut up, Fluttershy, nobody cares about you."

Wat:
Attempt Eight

Ships.

Wat:
Attempt Nine

"Real friends don't care what your cover is."
Proof that the Mane Six (Minus Twilight) and Applebloom are not real friends.

Wat:
Attempt Ten

Nopony cares about Pinkie, either.

Wat:
Attempt Eleven

Twi, get a snowplow and bucking....

Wat:
Attempt Twelve

Recolors of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in the class, and Diamond Tiara is Sweetie, and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are bitches.
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: joyreactor
added by NocturnalMirage
Source: joyreactor
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Theme song >>>> link

Seanthehedgehog presents

Ponies On The Rails

Starring

Pierce Hawkins "Hawkeye" From Seanthehedgehog

Coffee Crème From Karina_Brony

Snowflake & Orion From Alinah09

Metal Gloss From DragonAura15

Stylo From Jimmythedragon

NocturnalMirage from NochurnalMirage

Gordon, Percy, Jeff, Wilson, and Pete from Seanthehedgehog

Episode 49

Buses Are Worse Than Trains

August 13, 1955

One day, At Mirage's house, he was getting ready for work.

Mirage: *Breathing in fresh air, and looks all around him* Another beautiful day, and more time for me to work.
Colts: *Running to...
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While Burt was with Emily, Bob got another patient in his office. It was a pony dressed as a clown.

Bob: So, what exactly can I help you with?
Clown: I'm always tired of everypony making fun of me.
Bob: What do you mean by that?
Clown: Everypony keeps laughing at me!
Bob: That's the problem?
Clown: Yes!
Bob: Did you ever think about why they're laughing at you?
Clown: No, that's why I came to see you.
Bob: Did you ever realize that the reason they laugh at you is because of what you do?
Clown: What are you talking about?
Bob: They way you dress, what you do for a living, and some of the things that...
continue reading...
After dinner, Bob and Emily took Burt to their home.

Burt: *Looks around* This is nice.
Bob: Thank you. I can tell you're really going to like living with us.
Burt: You got that right. Not only is this a nice place, but it's owned by two of the greatest ponies in all of Equestria.
Bob: I'm sure there's somepony better then me, and Emily.
Burt: Nope. Not even Celestia herself can be better than you my friend.
Emily: Well, that's kind of you to say Burt.
Bob: So what do you plan on doing now that you're divorced?
Burt: Good question. I'll most likely move back to Scotland. It's a beautiful country...
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The game ended with the Giants winning 12 to 11. Jerry, and Howard left leaving Bob with Emily.

Emily: I did not like how tonight ended.
Bob: Well, it's not my fault that Howard is clumsy.
Emily: That's not the point Bob. You should have had Jerry show up at another time, and tell me about it a few days before his arrival.
Bob: Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Are we still going out to dinner tomorrow night?
Emily: Ugh. *Goes to bed*
Bob: I'll take that as a yes then.

Next morning at Bob's work place, he was talking to two ponies that had a problem with their wives.

Bob: Alright Richard, and Al....
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Pinkie Pie:

When I was a little filly and the sun was going down...

Twilight Sparkle: Tell me she's not...

Pinkie Pie:

The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown...

Rarity: She is.

Pinkie Pie:

I'd hide under my pillow
From what I thought I saw
But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way
To deal with fears at all

Rainbow Dash: Then what is?

Pinkie Pie:

She said, "Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall
Learn to face your fears
You'll see that they can't hurt you
Just laugh to make them disappear."

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ponies: *gasp*

Pinkie Pie:

So, giggle at the ghostly
Guffaw at the grossly
Crack up...
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