St. Foalis Maressouri, 6 PM.

A crowd of thousands of ponies gathered at the Gateway Arch to experience a comedy show that was being filmed live in 4k. The comedian? Tom Foolery.

Crowd: *Clapping, and chanting* Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
Tom: *Arrives at a temporary stage under the Gateway Arch*
Crowd: *Cheering, as they continue to clap*
Tom: Thank you everypony.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: Thank you very much.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: And shut up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks above him* Wow. St. Foalis. Never thought I'd end up here, but I'm very glad to be performing for you.
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: I was getting really tired of social distancing.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: I mean what the fuck is so social about it?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It defeats the whole purpose of being social to everypony you meet!
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Hello Clyde, get away from me!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: If you're really nervous about getting close to ponies in general, stay in your house.
Crowd: Right!
Tom: Then grab a stool, and some rope, then set your whole house on fire. After all, there is a rumor that heat can kill the coronavirus.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Let's test that theory, shall we?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And while we're at it, let's test out a few more things. How many more camera's do you think the new I-phone can handle?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Next year's model will probably have 30 of them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Let's see if we can actually get an electric car to charge faster than 3 hours!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: I am tired of having a nerd with bad eyesight, and bad hygiene coming towards me, and lecturing about how electric cars are better!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I'll begin to listen when you can get the battery fully charged as fast as you can fill up my car's gasoline tank!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It might come in handy if Tesla considered putting a pantograph on their cars from now on.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Charge the battery while you're driving.
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: If Amtrak can pull it off, you can easily do the same for a car.

A train was then heard running in the background.

Tom: *Looks behind him* Well, look at that. Not exactly Amtrak, but close enough.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I've always wanted to perform live standup comedy, but I never thought I'd do it outside. 95% of you will agree with me when I say, thank god it's not raining!
Crowd: *Clapping while cheering*
Tom: A lot of ponies are lecturing others to go outside more often, but there are some advantages to being inside, especially when you're alone. There's many things we do while we're alone, but not while we're with other ponies.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's one of my personal favorites, running around the house with your underwear on your head, and a whole roll of toilet paper strung around the hallways!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Turning on the heat when it's cold.
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: My marefriend gets mad at me for that, because she wants to save money.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's another thing we only do when we're alone, reading a book, and pretending that it's a movie. You do all the different voices for the characters, and mimic the sound effects.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Playing an app on your cell phone, with the volume on.
Crowd: Yeah! *Cheering*
Tom: No one ever has the volume on when they're near another pony!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: One more thing we do when no one else is around, watching porn.
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Because if you're ever caught by your special somepony, you will most likely spend the rest of your life alone.
Crowd: *Laughing*

2 B Continued