August 22 2009, it’s hardest for me to accept the death of my father because before that fight we were so close. I don’t talk very much since my dad has died and it is starting to concern Grandma. I sat down at the table stirring my cornflakes, thinking about what I had said to dad. Grandma came and sat next to me, she said “are you okay A.J”? Trying not to cry I snapped back “please don’t call me THAT anymore”. Grandma said “look at me” just looking at her I broke down crying. She looked at me and I broke down and started to cry. She hugged me and said “I was wondering when you would just let it all out”. I said “I just miss him so much, I didn’t want him to die thinking that I hated him”. Grandma lifted my head up and said “he knows that you never hated him A.J”. I said “that night something came over me and I did just that one time”. Grandma held my hand and said “he can hear you from up in heaven, he knows that you love him “. I got up from my seat and ran upstairs and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I when into the bathroom starring at the bottle of pills next to the sink. I looked at the picture of dad taped to my mirror. The only thing that stopped me from ending it all was my love for my siblings. I did not want them to have to lose me too. At dinner I didn’t eat much…
September 1, 2009, Prince wanted to go shopping and Grandma was not feeling good so he asked me if I would take him. I was willing to do anything to get my mind off of my father. I said” yes”, and we walked out to Grandma’s car. Prince got in the passenger’s seat and I started the car. I pulled out of the driveway and said “where do you want to go shopping Prince”? He said” Toys R Us”. It is nice to have a day off because I have been working a lot lately. In the past few weeks I released two songs that I wrote and have a new line of t-shirts. We pulled into the parking lot of Toys R Us and found a spot to park the car. Prince and I got out of the car and went into the store. While Prince looked at Lego’s I went to see if I could find any of my t-shirts. When I found them there was a little girl who looked to be about 5 or 6 years old clutching one of the white t-shirts with my face on. She said not noticing that I was standing there” mommy can I please buy this Alanna Jackson shirt”. The mother looked up to put it in the cart and said” Katie turn around”. The little girl turned around an let out a big gasp, she said “oh my gosh”. She ran up to me and I scooped her up into my arms. She said “I love all of your songs”. The mother slid the t-shirt over the girls head and took pictures of us with her cell phone. I put her down and she said” I like your shoes”. I took off one of my white Supra’s and said” here you go sweetheart”. Her mom said “ oh you didn’t need to give her one of your shoes” I said while fixing my sock on my foot” oh no it’s fine my father raised me to always give back to people less fortunate then I am”. The girl said” I wish daddy wasn’t in Iraq so, he could see this”. The mom said” I hope his military check comes soon because I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay rent this month. I pulled out my wallet and passed her 300 dollars. She said “oh no I couldn’t take that from you “. I put the money in her hand and said “ma’am I insist take it, you need it more than I do, I’m a celebrity I make so much money that I spend on stuff I don’t need”. The woman said” thank you so much this will really help”. I said” no problem “I knelt down and gave the little girl one more hug. I waved goodbye and walked away with one shoe on to go find Prince. As I walked away I heard the woman say” wow her father did a great job raising her”. When I found Prince he looked down and said” what the heck happened to your other shoe”? I said” it’s a long story, I’ll tell you in the car”. I may only be wearing one shoe and be broke [till I get the rest of my money at home] but, at least I know that I have done a good deed.
September 1, 2009, Prince wanted to go shopping and Grandma was not feeling good so he asked me if I would take him. I was willing to do anything to get my mind off of my father. I said” yes”, and we walked out to Grandma’s car. Prince got in the passenger’s seat and I started the car. I pulled out of the driveway and said “where do you want to go shopping Prince”? He said” Toys R Us”. It is nice to have a day off because I have been working a lot lately. In the past few weeks I released two songs that I wrote and have a new line of t-shirts. We pulled into the parking lot of Toys R Us and found a spot to park the car. Prince and I got out of the car and went into the store. While Prince looked at Lego’s I went to see if I could find any of my t-shirts. When I found them there was a little girl who looked to be about 5 or 6 years old clutching one of the white t-shirts with my face on. She said not noticing that I was standing there” mommy can I please buy this Alanna Jackson shirt”. The mother looked up to put it in the cart and said” Katie turn around”. The little girl turned around an let out a big gasp, she said “oh my gosh”. She ran up to me and I scooped her up into my arms. She said “I love all of your songs”. The mother slid the t-shirt over the girls head and took pictures of us with her cell phone. I put her down and she said” I like your shoes”. I took off one of my white Supra’s and said” here you go sweetheart”. Her mom said “ oh you didn’t need to give her one of your shoes” I said while fixing my sock on my foot” oh no it’s fine my father raised me to always give back to people less fortunate then I am”. The girl said” I wish daddy wasn’t in Iraq so, he could see this”. The mom said” I hope his military check comes soon because I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay rent this month. I pulled out my wallet and passed her 300 dollars. She said “oh no I couldn’t take that from you “. I put the money in her hand and said “ma’am I insist take it, you need it more than I do, I’m a celebrity I make so much money that I spend on stuff I don’t need”. The woman said” thank you so much this will really help”. I said” no problem “I knelt down and gave the little girl one more hug. I waved goodbye and walked away with one shoe on to go find Prince. As I walked away I heard the woman say” wow her father did a great job raising her”. When I found Prince he looked down and said” what the heck happened to your other shoe”? I said” it’s a long story, I’ll tell you in the car”. I may only be wearing one shoe and be broke [till I get the rest of my money at home] but, at least I know that I have done a good deed.