Play with your food; to add effect, act like it's a special performance for the people at the next table.
Turn around every thirty-seven seconds to the people at the next table and ask them if your seat is too close, if you're talking too loud, etc.
Whenever you see someone getting up and leaving, bolt to their table and take the tip before the wait-person returns.
Eat REALLY loud; make disgusting noises; slurp EVERY time you take a sip of your drink.
Constantly re-adjust the positions of absolutely EVERYTHING at your table; seats, silverware, dishes, the table itself; and make sure to make...
continue reading...