“Come on! Come on!” I whined as I flipped through the shows on my TV. “Oh for the love of God, how much longer!?”
“Are you still waiting for the new South Park episodes?” asked my mom, entering my room.
“Mom, you don’t understand! I’ve been waiting for the second half of season fourteen to come out for five months now,” I said. “Every day time is slowing down. It’s like…waiting for Christmas…times a thousand.”
“You’re just going to have to be patient until October sixth,” my mom told me as she pulled me away from the TV.
“No! NOOOO!” I yelled.
I couldn’t listen to what the teachers were talking about at school. All I could think about was South Park. I finally became exasperated, threw up my arms, and yelled, “I can’t take it anymore!” I then ran out of the classroom.
I lay in bed that night, tossing and turning, watching the clock slowly change numbers. I looked at my calendar and saw October sixth marked so that I would never miss it. I went on to SouthParkStudios.com, just to see ads for the new mini-season. I groaned when only five minutes had passed; three weeks was going to take forever. “Aargh! That does it! I am not waiting three weeks!” I shouted.
That’s when I came up with my best idea ever.
At the bus stop the next morning, I asked my friends to help me freeze myself. That way, the three week wait would seem instantaneous to me.
Surprisingly, they all refused.
“Fine! I thought you were my friends, but I guess I was wrong!” I screamed, “After all we’ve been through, you guys won’t even help me freeze myself!” And I stormed off.
I tried freezing myself in the freezer that night, but to no avail; my mom found me and made me get out.
However, I remembered that my little brother might help me. I went to him and demanded that he help me freeze myself in the mountains. He happily complied and came along with me out into the snow.
We trudged through the snow and the cold wind nipped our faces. “Now remember where this place is. You are not to unfreeze me until the new episode of South Park premiers!” I said, burying myself up to my neck with snow.
“Got it,” he said. He began to walk off, but took one last look at me.
“Get out of here, you asshole!” I yelled at him. He turned around and quickly retreated.
It had been hours, maybe days. It was snowing hard, and I was freezing all over. I wanted to leave, but I just kept thinking about how horrible the wait was for South Park. “I’m coming – South Park,” I choked out before my heart stopped and I became completely frozen.
Little did I know that an avalanche occurred while I was asleep. It completely covered me with over twenty feet of snow, making me impossible to find. My brother came to look for me, but couldn’t find where I had buried myself. I was then frozen in ice … for five hundred years.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a strange place where nothing was recognizable. “We’ve got a pulse!” someone said. I sat up, gasping for breath.
“Can you understand me?” said a strange person.
I sat up. “Where am I?” I asked instead, thinking I was in a hospital or something.
“My name is Schpeck. And you are safe now,” he told me. “This is going to be hard for you to hear, but it is the year 2550. You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years.”
“What!?” I exclaimed, standing up. “Are the new South Park season fourteen episodes out yet!?”
Another person there brought up a float screen. “Ah, South Park. A primitive animated show that was popular in her time,” he explained.
“Primitive!? It’s the best show ever!” I yelled, enraged. “So are the new episodes out or not?”
“We don’t watch South Park in our time. There’s no such thing as South Park,” said Schpeck, “There is only Family Guy.”
“No,” I said unable to hold myself up. I fell to my knees and screamed, “NOOOOOO!”
So it begins...
“Are you still waiting for the new South Park episodes?” asked my mom, entering my room.
“Mom, you don’t understand! I’ve been waiting for the second half of season fourteen to come out for five months now,” I said. “Every day time is slowing down. It’s like…waiting for Christmas…times a thousand.”
“You’re just going to have to be patient until October sixth,” my mom told me as she pulled me away from the TV.
“No! NOOOO!” I yelled.
I couldn’t listen to what the teachers were talking about at school. All I could think about was South Park. I finally became exasperated, threw up my arms, and yelled, “I can’t take it anymore!” I then ran out of the classroom.
I lay in bed that night, tossing and turning, watching the clock slowly change numbers. I looked at my calendar and saw October sixth marked so that I would never miss it. I went on to SouthParkStudios.com, just to see ads for the new mini-season. I groaned when only five minutes had passed; three weeks was going to take forever. “Aargh! That does it! I am not waiting three weeks!” I shouted.
That’s when I came up with my best idea ever.
At the bus stop the next morning, I asked my friends to help me freeze myself. That way, the three week wait would seem instantaneous to me.
Surprisingly, they all refused.
“Fine! I thought you were my friends, but I guess I was wrong!” I screamed, “After all we’ve been through, you guys won’t even help me freeze myself!” And I stormed off.
I tried freezing myself in the freezer that night, but to no avail; my mom found me and made me get out.
However, I remembered that my little brother might help me. I went to him and demanded that he help me freeze myself in the mountains. He happily complied and came along with me out into the snow.
We trudged through the snow and the cold wind nipped our faces. “Now remember where this place is. You are not to unfreeze me until the new episode of South Park premiers!” I said, burying myself up to my neck with snow.
“Got it,” he said. He began to walk off, but took one last look at me.
“Get out of here, you asshole!” I yelled at him. He turned around and quickly retreated.
It had been hours, maybe days. It was snowing hard, and I was freezing all over. I wanted to leave, but I just kept thinking about how horrible the wait was for South Park. “I’m coming – South Park,” I choked out before my heart stopped and I became completely frozen.
Little did I know that an avalanche occurred while I was asleep. It completely covered me with over twenty feet of snow, making me impossible to find. My brother came to look for me, but couldn’t find where I had buried myself. I was then frozen in ice … for five hundred years.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a strange place where nothing was recognizable. “We’ve got a pulse!” someone said. I sat up, gasping for breath.
“Can you understand me?” said a strange person.
I sat up. “Where am I?” I asked instead, thinking I was in a hospital or something.
“My name is Schpeck. And you are safe now,” he told me. “This is going to be hard for you to hear, but it is the year 2550. You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years.”
“What!?” I exclaimed, standing up. “Are the new South Park season fourteen episodes out yet!?”
Another person there brought up a float screen. “Ah, South Park. A primitive animated show that was popular in her time,” he explained.
“Primitive!? It’s the best show ever!” I yelled, enraged. “So are the new episodes out or not?”
“We don’t watch South Park in our time. There’s no such thing as South Park,” said Schpeck, “There is only Family Guy.”
“No,” I said unable to hold myself up. I fell to my knees and screamed, “NOOOOOO!”
So it begins...
