Chapter 15- The End
Over the next few days I revolved everything I did around Andrew. I didn't sleep at all. I knew that if I did and woke up and found that he was dead that I would never, ever forgive myself and I would blame myself. Tom and Abby stayed because they were worried about me. I couldn't blame them. I must have been acting obsessive.
I sighed as I around at everyone as we sat in Lily's living room by the fire. It was silent other than the quiet even breathing of Lily, Abby, Tom and I. Andrew wasn't really breathing anymore. It was slightly surreal. He was dead.... I felt the tears coming, but I held them back. I had been emotionally preparing myself to this for the past few days. As soon as Doctor Cullen had left I'd started to prepare myself. I knew I couldn't though. I'd wanted a child for so long now that the fact that he was most likely gone now was heart wrenching. I felt the sobs errupting from my chest. I saw the others looking at me. I didn't think they were worried because I had broken out crying so much the past few days.
I didn't want to face them. They would only try to comfort me. I didn't want comfort. I wanted Andrew to be alright, alive. I couldn't stand to think that he was dead. It made everything worse. I stood up. Tom stood up after me. He knew from the look on my face, he knew me the best of anyone in the world. I started up the stairs, he followed me. "Esme?" he asked, I knew what he was going to question me about so I answered.
"Yes. He's dead....." I sighed finally controlling myself. I felt oddly peaceful considering the circumstances. Perhaps it was the fact that I knew that I wasn't going to live much longer than Andrew. He was the only reason I had stayed alive this long anyway.
"Es... I'm so sorry," Tom frowned and hugged me.
"Tom...." I started to tell him that I was leaving, but I had to think it through for a moment. "I'm..... leaving. I'll probably never see you again. And I just want you to know that you've helped me so much these past few years that there is no way I can repay you. I'm sorry I can't stay. I made a vow to myself that if I was ever set free I would move West. You know why. I've told you so many times I can't count, I know it will hurt you but I can't. I know it seems like I'm being completely insensitive to the situation but I can't stand to be here. With all the memories." I hugged him back tightly. "I'm really sorry," I turned and started down the hallway.
"I don't blame you Esme," he said in a quiet voice. "I know it's hard for you. And I'll miss you but I know you need to go. You deserve it, I'll tell the others. You just leave. It'll be harder for them to understand. I love you Es. I always have...." he added awkwardly kissing my cheek. I smiled.
"I know Tom. I always knew. I'll miss you too." I hugged him again and walked down the back steps leaving him standing there. I slipped silently out the back door and started running. I knew it was going to end. I knew a cliff nearby. It was perfect. I got there quickly, I sat on the edge for a few minutes. It broke my heart to lie to Tom. I was still sobbing. I had decided on this but, it didn't seem so easy now that I was here. I sighed and stood up. I was going to face this sooner or later. I'd rather it be sooner. I put my feet over the edge, closed my eyes and jumped.
Over the next few days I revolved everything I did around Andrew. I didn't sleep at all. I knew that if I did and woke up and found that he was dead that I would never, ever forgive myself and I would blame myself. Tom and Abby stayed because they were worried about me. I couldn't blame them. I must have been acting obsessive.
I sighed as I around at everyone as we sat in Lily's living room by the fire. It was silent other than the quiet even breathing of Lily, Abby, Tom and I. Andrew wasn't really breathing anymore. It was slightly surreal. He was dead.... I felt the tears coming, but I held them back. I had been emotionally preparing myself to this for the past few days. As soon as Doctor Cullen had left I'd started to prepare myself. I knew I couldn't though. I'd wanted a child for so long now that the fact that he was most likely gone now was heart wrenching. I felt the sobs errupting from my chest. I saw the others looking at me. I didn't think they were worried because I had broken out crying so much the past few days.
I didn't want to face them. They would only try to comfort me. I didn't want comfort. I wanted Andrew to be alright, alive. I couldn't stand to think that he was dead. It made everything worse. I stood up. Tom stood up after me. He knew from the look on my face, he knew me the best of anyone in the world. I started up the stairs, he followed me. "Esme?" he asked, I knew what he was going to question me about so I answered.
"Yes. He's dead....." I sighed finally controlling myself. I felt oddly peaceful considering the circumstances. Perhaps it was the fact that I knew that I wasn't going to live much longer than Andrew. He was the only reason I had stayed alive this long anyway.
"Es... I'm so sorry," Tom frowned and hugged me.
"Tom...." I started to tell him that I was leaving, but I had to think it through for a moment. "I'm..... leaving. I'll probably never see you again. And I just want you to know that you've helped me so much these past few years that there is no way I can repay you. I'm sorry I can't stay. I made a vow to myself that if I was ever set free I would move West. You know why. I've told you so many times I can't count, I know it will hurt you but I can't. I know it seems like I'm being completely insensitive to the situation but I can't stand to be here. With all the memories." I hugged him back tightly. "I'm really sorry," I turned and started down the hallway.
"I don't blame you Esme," he said in a quiet voice. "I know it's hard for you. And I'll miss you but I know you need to go. You deserve it, I'll tell the others. You just leave. It'll be harder for them to understand. I love you Es. I always have...." he added awkwardly kissing my cheek. I smiled.
"I know Tom. I always knew. I'll miss you too." I hugged him again and walked down the back steps leaving him standing there. I slipped silently out the back door and started running. I knew it was going to end. I knew a cliff nearby. It was perfect. I got there quickly, I sat on the edge for a few minutes. It broke my heart to lie to Tom. I was still sobbing. I had decided on this but, it didn't seem so easy now that I was here. I sighed and stood up. I was going to face this sooner or later. I'd rather it be sooner. I put my feet over the edge, closed my eyes and jumped.
