!!!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!! ONLY FOR ADULTS!!!!!!
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“Do you want to help me?”
“I’d better find some food for you,” I said in a quiet voice, and he gently unwound her arms. I heard her sighed as I moved to the kitchen.
I moved too fast for her to stop me and do something stupid again. I forced my mind to concentrate on preparing food for her. She was hungry. I stated this in my mind and moved all other thoughts out of my head. In 10 seconds I found myself preparing some omelet for her. As I always helped her in cooking dinner for Charlie, my hands were doing everything by themselves. My mind filled with other thoughts again. In this moment the best I can do is some breakfast and me pretending that nothing happened. If the danger comes only from me not controlling my force – we’ll keep from not letting me lose control. I heard Bella taking a shower and after a few minutes, when I was placing her breakfast onto the plate, I heard her coming, her scent more intense as her hair was wet. I turned around with a smile as she sat on the chair and placed the omelet on the table.
“Here” I said
She started eating so fast and with a great appetite as she hasn’t eaten for ages. It made me feel sick. I guessed that she was hungry last evening but she didn’t tell me. I sat down across from Bella.
“I’m not feeding you often enough.”
She gave me a look.
“I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn’t eat.”
“Food Network,” I said, and gave her a crooked smile. She seemed to be relaxed and happier as she ate the eggs. I was pleased that I made her feel better at least by cooking.
“Where did the eggs come from?”
“I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I’ll have to ask them to deal with the feathers.… ” I regretted saying that, as the words escaped my mouth. They reminded me all my worries, fears and guilt. I was staring on the wall. Bella didn’t respond as she finished.
“Thank you,” She told me and leaned across the table to reach my lips with hers. I kissed her back automatically, as I felt the warms of her lips on mine, but as I felt her bottom lip swollen, I stiffened and leaned away. She looked upset.
“You aren’t going to touch me again while we’re here, are you?”
She was right, and I was hurting her again but I had no other choice. After one moment I tried to smile and raised my hand to stroke her cheek. I didn’t want her to think that I don’t want her any more, that I don’t miss touching her warm soft skin. My fingers lingered softly on her skin, and she closed her eyes, leaning her face into my palm.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
I sighed and moved my hand away.
“I know. And you’re right. I will not make love with you until you’ve been changed. I will never hurt you again.” There was no doubt that I can allow myself to hurt her again.