Windwakerguy430 - Hey, I'm Windwakerguy430, am joining me in my review is Button Mash. That's right, I'm actually reviewing something with someone else. And today, were reviewing Fable 3.
Now, I always loved Fable. I have played almost every game. But Fable 3 is such a terrible game. One of the worst things was the Sanctuary. I admit, it was unique. Sadly, unique isn't good, and so is the same with the Sanctuary. It gets real boring to have to pause, wait for it to load, go to a room, walk to the item, pick up the item, and leave. Good God it's boring

Button Mash - -Story-
Fuck the spoilers; this game doesn't have a story so much as sectioned-off setpieces. You're the Hero of Albion, trying to dethrone your brother while also fending off an invasion by Gak and an Aliens ripoff and his translucent grayish-blackish army. Still following me? No? Didn't expect you to. I've played Need For Speed: Most Wanted... THE MOST RECENT ONE... and it had more of a story than Fable 3 duct-taped together. And NFS:MW basically had you get points to rise up he leaderboards so you could challenge other cars, win them and crash 700 times before the next one. Something is fucking wrong here, Lionhead Studios.
Rating: 1/100

Windwakerguy430 - Another thing is the fighting is total bullshit. In this game, your melee weapons barely hit anything. Most of the time, enemies are blocking your goddamn attacks whenever you use melee combats. This is one of the things that made the game too easy, That too. The game is too goddamn easy. This is why I prefer older Fable games. They actually had you buy potions so you won't die. In this game, I didn't die once. And there is no health bar. Just this red screened Call of Duty bullshit. What the fuck. Is this what you want your fucking game to be like. THIS!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!

Button Mash - -Gameplay-
Wind, I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with you. I had little trouble killing bitches with melee attacks. Maybe it's because I got the timing down between when they'd telegraph their attack and my melee attack to where I could be nigh unblockable. But everything else... let's just say the mortar mimigame is the only fun thing left. The whole Guild Seal system is bullshit; give me back my XP from the Lost Chapters. Fuck the Sanctuary for everything... but health regeneration. For some odd reason, you heal up somewhat if you duck in here. But free health does not a shitty game save. Still slapdashed together for me.
Rating: 33/100

Windwakerguy430 - Also, I'm sure we both got real tired of the loading screens. They were also a problem in past Fable games too, but here, dear god, they load for an eternity. Loading screen when you go to the Road to Rule, loading screen when you fast travel, loading screen when you go to a different region, loading screen after a cut scene, Loading screen before a cut scene, LOADING SCREENS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE

Button Mash - -Graphics-
The only good thing about this game... back when it released. With all of the polish the game should have had, it might have actually been good looking to this day. Instead, it'll be regarded as uglier than Fable 2. Not many points I can give here either.
Rating: 7/100

Windwakerguy430 - Oh, and don't you know that thing in video games where there are so many enemies on screen that the game slows down. Yeah, well Fable 3 does that a lot, and you know how much enemies it takes to slow down. Well, lets look at some other games first. Matrix: Path of Neo for Xbox takes 158 enemies (Yes I counted), Diablo takes more then that, and Dead Rising doesn't even slow down, and that game is known to have the most enemies on screen. So how much enemies does it take to slow down Fable 3...... six. Fucking six. This may be nitpicking, but remember. I'm talking about Fable 3. Or you know what, how about fuck the enemies and slow down when your doing a job. Yeah, sometimes it takes ZERO ENEMIES TO SLOW DOWN THE FUCKING GAME!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Button Mash - -Soundtrack-
Fuck off. The music is shit.
Rating: 0/100

Windwakerguy430 - Oh, and here is the worst thing. This has one of the most anti-climactic fights in the goddamn game. More then Fable 2. At least in Fable 2, you got to kill Lucien yourself. Here, you don't even get to fight Logan. So yeah, going all across Albion, finding all sorts of people to join your rebellion, nearly dying in a cave, and risking hundreds of lives in the battle.... and we get fucking this. And that's not the only anti-climactic fight in this game. No. When you fight the Crawler, you are given one of the most boring fights in gaming. I still think the final boss from Fable 2 was more disappointing because to be honest, I knew they weren't going to try with the final boss, and I was right, they didn't Dodge his easy to avoid attacks, and keep shooting him until he dies, which may take a while because the game wanted him to take forever to die. Fuck, this game sucks

Button Mash - -Replay Value-
Rather low unless you're an achievement whore. And to be honest, why would you even replay this game? It's only good the first time through; after that, all you have for fun is the mortar game. Heh, then again, I did manage 2,740 on that. But still, not much bang for what was 60 bits.
Rating: 10/100

Windwakerguy430 - And there it is, Fable 3. It's fucking terrible, in every fucking way, it is shit. Just shit.

Button Mash - -Final Verdict-
*facehoof* Microsoft, Lionhead Studios, perk up an ear as I divulge this information: STOP. MAKING. FABLE GAMES. Your last half-decent effort... was Fable 2, which my collab partner likes more than this fucking pile. It's just like Final Fantasy; 12 was the last decent game in that series, and Fable's last decent game was its second one. There are better games that are free on PlayStation Network than you, Fable 3. You suck. End of story. This game was bad and you should feel bad for playing it, or if you're Lionhead Studios, making it. Fable, you're dead to me now. From Call of Duty's health system you somehow put in the game without bringing on Sweet Apple Acres hard cider to your half-assed progression system to the fact that Logan isn't the final boss, unlike what we had believed, but instead something resembling a xenomorph that takes over Walter's body, this game was full of bad decisions... with the exception of letting you build a sex shop. As in, getting it on. That was pretty cool, and the 1,250,000 gold you get for that goes a long way towards an achievement for saving everyone. But aside from that, there's nothing good here. Fable 3, rot in the bowels of hell.
Final Rating: 10.2/100(Yes, my final verdict is an average of my ratings on various elements I rate. Is there a problem with that?)

Windwakerguy430 - But, hey, that's only our opinion. What's Your Take