Medley: (Touching Link’s hair)
Link: Will you stop that
Medley: But I can’t help it
Link: Well, you better try and help it, otherwise, I’ll cut off your head
Tetra: No you won’t
Link: (Angrily) No I won’t
(Later, at Forest Haven)
Link: Oh, not these annoying hippy bastards
Tetra: Oh, they can’t be that ba-
Great Deku Tree: Oh, Link, it is good to see you again
Tetra: AHH
Link: Told you
Great Deku Tree: Calm down, little one, no need to wor-
Tetra: Stay the fuck away from me, you creep
Great Deku Tree: Goodness you’re rude.
Link: Yeah, try having her drag you around like a dog.
Great Deku Tree: Well, anyway, Link, I need you to take this bottle of water
Link: Okay.
Great Deku Tree: Get into your boat.
Link: Got it
Great Deku Tree: Then travel to eight different islands
Link: Wait, what.
Great Deku Tree: Pour the water onto eight different trees
Link: What.
Great Deku Tree: Before the water dries out in twenty minutes.
Link: Are you fucking serious.
Great Deku Tree: (Happily) Yes, I am fucking serious.
Link: That ship can barely get to one island in an hour.
Great Deku Tree: That is none of my concern. Now, get out of here and get to work.
Link: Motherfu-
(Later, at a smaller island)
Link: Goddamn, we only have one last island left, and we still have five minutes left. I think we’ll make it (Notices there is no way towards the other side of the island but to fight off monster, and jump across platforms) Fuck. My. LIFE.
(A few minutes later)
Link: (To Korko) Okay, here is the damn water
Korok: OUR PEOPLE WILL RULE OVER YOU PATHETIC HUMANS
Link: Fantastic. (Pours water on tree, but nothing happens) Was that supposed to do something
Korok: THIS IS HUMAN WATER! IT IS INEFFECTIVE!
Link: WHAT! You’re telling me that I just went through all that shit, and now, I have to go through all that shit again.
Korok: YES!
Link: MOTHERFU-
Medley: (Flies by) Link?
Link: WHAT?!
Medley: I got you another bottle full of Forest Water, so that way, you won’t have to go through all that again.
Link: What, you really did this? Why? I mean, I do treat you like crap, and I do try to kill you in your sleep ever since Tetra invited you onto the ship. Why would you help me.
Medley: Because, I love you, Link. Sure, I do smell your hair, and I do try to chain you up to the wall to make you mine forever, but, I do care about you.
Link: … Well, I guess I could-
Korok: WATER! POUR ONTO TREE! NOW!
Link: Okay, fuck (Pours water onto tree, making it grow)
Tree: HA HA HA! THANK YOU, PATHETIC HUMAN! NOW, US TREE PEOPLE WILL RULE THIS WORLD! TAKE THIS AS A SIGN OF OUR GRATITUDE! CHARISHE IT WITH WHAT LITTLE TIME YOU HAVE, HUMAN! (Spits out two hundred rupees)
Link: (Not Caring) Hooray
(Later, on the ship)
Medley: So, Link, do you care about me now.
Link: Medley… I hate everyone alive. I could create massive genocide, and the deaths of millions wouldn’t affect me. I could chuck a brick at a newborn baby, and wouldn’t feel sympathy for it. Same goes for anyone.
Medley: Oh…..
Link: But, I guess I do have some respect for you, Medley… Do know that it is little. Still, it’s more respect than I have for anyone.
Medley: (Happily) Okay, I’ll take that. Does that mean we can have sex now
Link: Still not gonna happen. Not a chance in hell I will commit bestiality just because I respect you.
Medley: Can I at least feel your hair.
Link: Fine
Medley: (Feels his hair, moaning with pleasure)
TO BE CONTINUED