(A body lies in a small pool with blood coming out of it)
Cody: (Narrating) I never thought this sort of thing would happen to me
(2 Weeks Earlier)
Cody: (Watches Scarface) Wow… the 80s were fucked
Wind: I don’t know. Our generation isn’t any better. In fact, I think, besides the threat of nuclear war from the Russians, it’s a little worse.
Cody: Still though. All that because he sold cocaine
Wind: Well, it’s a dangerous business after all
Cody: I know… Maybe if he sold something like… cookies, it would have been better
Wind: And probably fucking retarded
Cody: I’m just saying. Things could have been better
Wind: So you think that the drug market makes as much money as selling cookies
Cody: …. And you don’t think that?
Wind: (Sighs) Why did I even come over
(Wind, James, Amanda, Miku, and Hannah sit in a cafe)
Wind: I fucking hate cafes
Hannah: Well, Cody told us to meet us here. Now just drink your coffee and be patient
Wind: This isn’t coffee. This is diabetes decorated with cream and sugar made to look like coffee.
Cody: (Arrives with a backpack) Alright, you’re all here. I was thinking this over after watching Scarface, and this is what I got (Takes out a bag of cookies)
Employee: Hey, no outside food
Cody: Not now. So, give them a try
(They all eat one cookie, and start coughing and choking)
Wind: Cody, I mean to be as offensive as possible. I’ve eaten raw rat flesh that tasted better than this
Cody: I know. That’s the point. I need help making cookies, so we can sell them and make money. And we’ll be our own company. No one will take us over like they did you, Hannah
Hannah: Please don’t remind me
Cody: So, do you guys wanna join me
Wind: …. (Gets up and walks out)
Cody: So, how about the rest of you
Hannah: I could make the cookies
Amanda: I could manage the finances
Cody: Great. Than James and Miku can work on selling the cookies. Let’s do this guys
Employee: I said no outside food
Cody: Go fuck yourself!
Cody: (Narrating) So, throughout that entire week, we were selling cookies across all of Eastwood
James: (Wearing a large trench coat)
Addict: (Walks over) Excuse me, do you have the stuff
James: (Slips a box of cookies behind his back) You got the money
Addict: (Hands James the money)
James: Nice doing business with you
Miku: (Selling cookies) Konichiwa
Customer: I don’t speak French
Miku: It’s Japanese, you baka
Customer: Uh, sure. I just want my cookies
Cody: (Narrating) We even hired some extra protection in case we needed it
James: (Walking with a large man in T-shirt and jeans) So… your name's T, right
T: (Stays quiet)
James: ….. So, seen any movies lately (Bumps into a man)
Man: Oh, I’m sorry- (T grabs the man and smashes his head against the sidewalk and brutally beats him)
Cody: (Narrating) Everything seemed to go over well. We were making lots of money, despite just selling cookies. Then, things started to change.
Cody: You’re telling me we got competition
Amanda: That's how businesses work, Cody
Cody: Well, we just need to do something about that
Hannah: Change the prices
Cody: No. We do what Scarface did
(Cody, James, and T arrive to a cookie stand titled “Town of Clinton Cookie Bake Sale”)
Seller: Ah, hello. Would you like to buy some cookies
Cody: (Clears throat and speaks in his best Cuban accent) Motherfucker. Who the fuck do you think we are? We’re here to deal with the competition. We came here, hearing you’ve been stealing our fucking customers, so we’re here to stop you
Seller: ……. Uh… I don’t get it
Cody: T! Deal with this
T: (Picks up a mailbox and smashes the stand with it)
Seller: What are you doing
Cody: This is a warning. Don’t fuck with Eastwood Cookie Dealer (Walks off) Cockroach!
Cody: (Narrating) Needless to say, those in charge of the Clinton Bake Sale weren’t too happy
Seller: Uh… Mr. Enricho
Enricho: It’s just Enricho. What is it?
Seller: Well, these people… They called themselves the Eastwood Cookie Dealers. They attacked my stand and threatened me. All because I was selling cookies
Enricho: Hmm (Lights cigar) Well, I guess we’ll have to send them a message
Cody: I’m telling you Wind, this cookie business was the best idea I ever had
Wind: Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard with this
Cody: Pfff. Nah. I’ll be fine. I’m just doing what Scarface did
Wind: And how did he turn out
Cody: Eh, let’s not get into the details
(A box smashes through Wind’s window and lands on the ground as a car speeds off)
Wind: Oh, come the fuck on! Did they have to throw it through the window!
Cody: (Opens the box and freaks out) W-What the hell!
Wind: Oh god, how am I supposed to keep the heat in with a broken window
Cody: (Looks inside the box and sees T’s head inside) Jesus Christ
Wind: Yeah, Jesus Christ. There’s flies coming in already!
(Cody brought the box to the others)
Hannah: And you just brought that here
Cody: What was I supposed to do. Leave it at Wind’s house
James: He does make a fair point.
Cody: Well, since they can find us at any point. I’ve decided to move our base of operations somewhere else.
(They walk into a mansion)
James: Wow, this place is so big
Cody: Sure is (Walks into the main room and sits at a black desk) Now, we aren’t gonna let these guys screw with us. We are gonna take over the cookie business, no matter what
James: Okay, come again (Starts counting the money)
(A car stops next to James and a man runs out with a baseball bat)
James: Oh, hello. Would you like to buy a- (The man hits James over the head with a bat)
Cody: Where’s James. I haven’t seen him since he left to sell cookies
(Gets a call on his cellphone)
Cody: Hello?
Enricho: Hello. This is Enricho, I’m in charge of the Clinton Bake Sale. I have your friend James here (Holds the phone up to James mouth)
James: Cody, help. It’s dark and I can’t tell what’s going on
Enricho: I’m not sure what I should do with him. Maybe cut his penis off and mail it to you
James: Please help me, Cody. I can’t lose my penis. It’s the only thing I’ve got in my life
Cody: Alright, fine. What do you want?
Enricho: I want to meet you, at your place, and speak. I’ll bring James and let him go once we’ve reached an agreement
Cody: Fine. Just head over here and we’ll get this sorted out
Enricho: Good. I look forward to it
Cody: (Sitting at his desk)
Enricho: (Sitting at the edge, with James tied up)
Cody: You know… I probably should have hired more security
Enricho: You probably should have. Now, I have something I want to talk about. You’ve been attacking my men and taking my customers. I want some compensation for this
Cody: Like what?
Enricho: I want part of your cookie empire. Let’s say 80% and 20%
Cody: I suppose the 80% is mine
Enricho: You wish
Cody: Now listen here-
Enricho: No, you listen (Points a gun at James’s crotch) You’re not even in a good class in school. You don’t know how to run an empire. I do. You’re just a kid. You might as well give up
James: Just listen to him, Cody. I need my dick!
Cody: You know what… Take all of it. I’m done
Enricho: All of it?
Cody: Yeah. This shit’s not worth it. You can have the mansion too. Come on, James. Let’s get out of here (Walks out)
James: Hang on (Falls on the ground, and crawls, still tied up, as they leave)
Enricho: I-It’s all mine. All of it’s mine (Laughs as he looked over the balcony)
Cookie Gang: (Smashes through the door, aiming rifles at Enricho)
Enricho: What the fu-
Cody: (Narrating) So as it turns out, I pissed off more than just one organization. In fact, I pissed off cookie gangs all across the country, and none were too happy with how I did business. Little did I know that they were coming for me right then and there. If Enricho hadn’t taken over, I think I would have been a dead man.
Cookie Gang: (Fires at Enricho, filling him with bullets as he falls off the balcony and into the pool)
Wind: (Sitting with Cody in his house, with a plank of wood over the broken window) Well, Cody. I hope you learned a valuable lesson in not being a stupid shit
Cody: Boy, did I. I learned that, no matter what you sell, you’re always going to have to deal with competition. There’s just so much of things, that people are always gonna sell the same thing, at different prices or with better advertising. You’re always gonna piss some company off.
Wind: Huh… that was actually really good-
Cody: Besides, selling cupcakes is where it’s at. I wonder if I can do better this time
Wind: (Puts his hand over his face) Oh my fucking christ.
Cody: (Narrating) I never thought this sort of thing would happen to me
(2 Weeks Earlier)
Cody: (Watches Scarface) Wow… the 80s were fucked
Wind: I don’t know. Our generation isn’t any better. In fact, I think, besides the threat of nuclear war from the Russians, it’s a little worse.
Cody: Still though. All that because he sold cocaine
Wind: Well, it’s a dangerous business after all
Cody: I know… Maybe if he sold something like… cookies, it would have been better
Wind: And probably fucking retarded
Cody: I’m just saying. Things could have been better
Wind: So you think that the drug market makes as much money as selling cookies
Cody: …. And you don’t think that?
Wind: (Sighs) Why did I even come over
(Wind, James, Amanda, Miku, and Hannah sit in a cafe)
Wind: I fucking hate cafes
Hannah: Well, Cody told us to meet us here. Now just drink your coffee and be patient
Wind: This isn’t coffee. This is diabetes decorated with cream and sugar made to look like coffee.
Cody: (Arrives with a backpack) Alright, you’re all here. I was thinking this over after watching Scarface, and this is what I got (Takes out a bag of cookies)
Employee: Hey, no outside food
Cody: Not now. So, give them a try
(They all eat one cookie, and start coughing and choking)
Wind: Cody, I mean to be as offensive as possible. I’ve eaten raw rat flesh that tasted better than this
Cody: I know. That’s the point. I need help making cookies, so we can sell them and make money. And we’ll be our own company. No one will take us over like they did you, Hannah
Hannah: Please don’t remind me
Cody: So, do you guys wanna join me
Wind: …. (Gets up and walks out)
Cody: So, how about the rest of you
Hannah: I could make the cookies
Amanda: I could manage the finances
Cody: Great. Than James and Miku can work on selling the cookies. Let’s do this guys
Employee: I said no outside food
Cody: Go fuck yourself!
Cody: (Narrating) So, throughout that entire week, we were selling cookies across all of Eastwood
James: (Wearing a large trench coat)
Addict: (Walks over) Excuse me, do you have the stuff
James: (Slips a box of cookies behind his back) You got the money
Addict: (Hands James the money)
James: Nice doing business with you
Miku: (Selling cookies) Konichiwa
Customer: I don’t speak French
Miku: It’s Japanese, you baka
Customer: Uh, sure. I just want my cookies
Cody: (Narrating) We even hired some extra protection in case we needed it
James: (Walking with a large man in T-shirt and jeans) So… your name's T, right
T: (Stays quiet)
James: ….. So, seen any movies lately (Bumps into a man)
Man: Oh, I’m sorry- (T grabs the man and smashes his head against the sidewalk and brutally beats him)
Cody: (Narrating) Everything seemed to go over well. We were making lots of money, despite just selling cookies. Then, things started to change.
Cody: You’re telling me we got competition
Amanda: That's how businesses work, Cody
Cody: Well, we just need to do something about that
Hannah: Change the prices
Cody: No. We do what Scarface did
(Cody, James, and T arrive to a cookie stand titled “Town of Clinton Cookie Bake Sale”)
Seller: Ah, hello. Would you like to buy some cookies
Cody: (Clears throat and speaks in his best Cuban accent) Motherfucker. Who the fuck do you think we are? We’re here to deal with the competition. We came here, hearing you’ve been stealing our fucking customers, so we’re here to stop you
Seller: ……. Uh… I don’t get it
Cody: T! Deal with this
T: (Picks up a mailbox and smashes the stand with it)
Seller: What are you doing
Cody: This is a warning. Don’t fuck with Eastwood Cookie Dealer (Walks off) Cockroach!
Cody: (Narrating) Needless to say, those in charge of the Clinton Bake Sale weren’t too happy
Seller: Uh… Mr. Enricho
Enricho: It’s just Enricho. What is it?
Seller: Well, these people… They called themselves the Eastwood Cookie Dealers. They attacked my stand and threatened me. All because I was selling cookies
Enricho: Hmm (Lights cigar) Well, I guess we’ll have to send them a message
Cody: I’m telling you Wind, this cookie business was the best idea I ever had
Wind: Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard with this
Cody: Pfff. Nah. I’ll be fine. I’m just doing what Scarface did
Wind: And how did he turn out
Cody: Eh, let’s not get into the details
(A box smashes through Wind’s window and lands on the ground as a car speeds off)
Wind: Oh, come the fuck on! Did they have to throw it through the window!
Cody: (Opens the box and freaks out) W-What the hell!
Wind: Oh god, how am I supposed to keep the heat in with a broken window
Cody: (Looks inside the box and sees T’s head inside) Jesus Christ
Wind: Yeah, Jesus Christ. There’s flies coming in already!
(Cody brought the box to the others)
Hannah: And you just brought that here
Cody: What was I supposed to do. Leave it at Wind’s house
James: He does make a fair point.
Cody: Well, since they can find us at any point. I’ve decided to move our base of operations somewhere else.
(They walk into a mansion)
James: Wow, this place is so big
Cody: Sure is (Walks into the main room and sits at a black desk) Now, we aren’t gonna let these guys screw with us. We are gonna take over the cookie business, no matter what
James: Okay, come again (Starts counting the money)
(A car stops next to James and a man runs out with a baseball bat)
James: Oh, hello. Would you like to buy a- (The man hits James over the head with a bat)
Cody: Where’s James. I haven’t seen him since he left to sell cookies
(Gets a call on his cellphone)
Cody: Hello?
Enricho: Hello. This is Enricho, I’m in charge of the Clinton Bake Sale. I have your friend James here (Holds the phone up to James mouth)
James: Cody, help. It’s dark and I can’t tell what’s going on
Enricho: I’m not sure what I should do with him. Maybe cut his penis off and mail it to you
James: Please help me, Cody. I can’t lose my penis. It’s the only thing I’ve got in my life
Cody: Alright, fine. What do you want?
Enricho: I want to meet you, at your place, and speak. I’ll bring James and let him go once we’ve reached an agreement
Cody: Fine. Just head over here and we’ll get this sorted out
Enricho: Good. I look forward to it
Cody: (Sitting at his desk)
Enricho: (Sitting at the edge, with James tied up)
Cody: You know… I probably should have hired more security
Enricho: You probably should have. Now, I have something I want to talk about. You’ve been attacking my men and taking my customers. I want some compensation for this
Cody: Like what?
Enricho: I want part of your cookie empire. Let’s say 80% and 20%
Cody: I suppose the 80% is mine
Enricho: You wish
Cody: Now listen here-
Enricho: No, you listen (Points a gun at James’s crotch) You’re not even in a good class in school. You don’t know how to run an empire. I do. You’re just a kid. You might as well give up
James: Just listen to him, Cody. I need my dick!
Cody: You know what… Take all of it. I’m done
Enricho: All of it?
Cody: Yeah. This shit’s not worth it. You can have the mansion too. Come on, James. Let’s get out of here (Walks out)
James: Hang on (Falls on the ground, and crawls, still tied up, as they leave)
Enricho: I-It’s all mine. All of it’s mine (Laughs as he looked over the balcony)
Cookie Gang: (Smashes through the door, aiming rifles at Enricho)
Enricho: What the fu-
Cody: (Narrating) So as it turns out, I pissed off more than just one organization. In fact, I pissed off cookie gangs all across the country, and none were too happy with how I did business. Little did I know that they were coming for me right then and there. If Enricho hadn’t taken over, I think I would have been a dead man.
Cookie Gang: (Fires at Enricho, filling him with bullets as he falls off the balcony and into the pool)
Wind: (Sitting with Cody in his house, with a plank of wood over the broken window) Well, Cody. I hope you learned a valuable lesson in not being a stupid shit
Cody: Boy, did I. I learned that, no matter what you sell, you’re always going to have to deal with competition. There’s just so much of things, that people are always gonna sell the same thing, at different prices or with better advertising. You’re always gonna piss some company off.
Wind: Huh… that was actually really good-
Cody: Besides, selling cupcakes is where it’s at. I wonder if I can do better this time
Wind: (Puts his hand over his face) Oh my fucking christ.
